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[Tinkywinks]

Hi, I wonder if anyone has been in the same situation or if anyone knows anything that can help. I was with the father of my son for a very short time, we split when he was a few months old. His contact with my son who is almost 3 years old, has been very inconsistent, at times having no contact for a several months. (The arrangement was supposed to be once a week for a couple of hours). He has had no involvement in the upbringing of our son (his choice, but I'm glad anyway). My son has even started calling other male family members 'dad', bless him.

Unfortunately, for some reason, (I'll blame it on the hormones) I let my son have his father's surname on the birth certificate. My surname is his middle name. Now he will be starting nursery and I really don't like that fact that he will be using this surname now, and for all his school years to come. I would love for us to have the same surname, after all, I have raised him and he is with me all the time. But I know this isn't legally possible. Does anyone have any experiences, any loopholes?

[beansmum]

It is legally possible if the father doesn't object. If he does object you can still fight to change it and a judge would take into account how long the parents were together and how much contact the father has with the child when making a decision. You would need to speak to a solicitor.

Otherwise you could just ask the school for advice. When I applied for ds's nursery place there was a space to put the name on his birth certificate and a space to put the name he actually uses.

[beansmum]

google changing surname, I found this, might be helpful?

[Tinkywinks]

Thank you for that. We are not amicable, and I know he wouldn't agree if I asked him. I did ask the nursery reception and she said that as the register is a legal document, the legal name needs to be on there. I just checked the appication form, there is no option to use another name.

Interesting, I had a look at the link and it did say that if the mother went ahead and changed the surname then the father could apply to the court. Which seems to imply that it would not be illegal for me to do so. I probably need to speak to a solicitor. At least there's a possibility, thank you.

[shelleylou]

nursery im sending ds 2 has his legal name on it as required but in other info/comments i have asked for him to be refered to in my surname, as it will not be possible for xp to collect ds from nursery he lives 1 1/2 hours drive away and i have put mum as emergancy contact as shes 10mins walk from nursery. They were quite happy for me to do this as they have with other single parents when been requested.

[Tinkywinks]

Thanks shelleylou, I will now ask the nursery about it. If it's been done in other schools then legally is should be fine for them to do it too.

[gillybean2]

Legally it's not fine, if your ex objects and takes you to court your child will have to revert to being known by their actual surname, by school, playschool, doctors...

Judges are almost always in favour of the father in situations like this. It could lead to great confusion for your child in the long run.

It's changing name or causing to be known by a different name. Either way you have to get permission from all those with PR, if not you risk your ex taking you to court over it and likely winning.

Gilly

[lostdad]

Gilly is right.

And speaking as a father with an extremely hostile ex, I would not hesitate to take her to court if she ever tried this.