SRO? God, now you've scared me Gillybean!

[amfay]

Further to my post about changing DD's name, Gillybean mentioned an shared residency order. All I can say is I hope ex doesn't get any ideas on that score. Trouble is he drinks to put it politely, and he's a f*g alcoholic if we're being honest. Most nights he's to pd to be trusted with the care of a baby. When sober he's a lovely dad and I'd have absolutely no qualms about him, but sadly, sobriety tends to only affect him by day and after about 8pm (on a good day) I'm on my own with looking after DD. He's not violent or abusive, just useless. There's no way I'd be happy with him having DD without me there to make sure she's OK. He's even admitted to driving his son in the car after drinking, but only "on occasion", like that makes it alright. Also, his son, DD's half brother, is a nice kid, but tends to be a bit too rough with DD (the other day he pulled her hair, hard, because she had pulled his - never mind that he was lying on her playmat encouraging her to do it, and when his dad told him off and said she didn't understand that she had hurt him, his reply was "well, she should", he's 8, she's 8 months, quite how I managed to bite my tongue, I don't know...) and I don't trust ex to supervise him with her properly. So I think in this case, an SRO is out of the question. Even if he claimed to stop drinking, I wouldn't trust him.

[OverMyDeadBody]

I think SROs are not always the answer or the best thing for the child, and Gillybean's comments about them annoyed me tbh as a lot of the time it would be, quite frankly, the worst thing possible for the child or children, even if the dad did not pose any physical threat to them.

At the end of the day, many absent fathers are not involved in their children's lives because they can't be arsed or don't give a toss or can't get it together to save teh bus fare or whatever to visit. The thought of SROs in those circumstances sends shivers down my spine.

My exH will get an SRO over my dead body. For pretty much the same reasons as you amfay.

[glitterfairy]

I do think it needs to be in the best interests of the child and quite a bit of the research on having two homes, sharing homes and living without one clear base shows that this is confusing for kids irrespective of what the parenting skills of either parent are like.

[skeletonbones]

I don't this that SRO's are a blanket ideal to be aiming for for every family,and I think anyone who does suggest that is a bit naieve.
I think for some families joint custody works well, for example a friend of mine seperated from his partner a few years ago, they've both been very mature about it and joint custody works well for both their working paterns, kids are used to mummy and daddy working shifts anyway and adjusted well.

Other families including mine would not benefit from joint custody arrangements, my ex found kids too hard work,and doesn't see them very often, he says he misses them but often cancels contact arrangements or comes very late, he would not be able to give them the care they need for half week visits, he doesn't have a fixed address and is often between addresses and moves every few months.

I would never want to stop my children seeing him or having a relationship with him, but would not want to have a joint custody arangement. I think its sad that there has been a lot of posts about 'controlling and obstructive' mothers on here lately, whilst of course some people do have these sorts of issues I don't think most resident parents would want to stop a good, interested and involved non-resident parent seeing and spending time with their children,It would be great if my kids had a Dad who wanted to spend lots of time with them, talk to them,play with them and do homework with them and be a co-parent with me, but they don't, so my focus is about making a stable loving home for them while including their Dad as much as is possible, working within the limits of how much he wants to be involved

[bluejelly]

Totally agree with the posts here. There is no way my ex is responsible enough to provide that level of care. I have never and would never stop him from seeing her, but shared custody would be totally inappropiate.

[TLV]

sorry but whats and SRO?

[OverMyDeadBody]

shared residancy order

[OverMyDeadBody]

good post skeletonbones

[TLV]

glitterfairy, would be interested to see that research if you can tell me where to find it

actually saying that my ex has put me down as the main carer and he will have her overnight and even tho we've been split 4mths he's not even done that, he wants the involvement his way but also wants to have his "life" prime example "i can have her sunday night as I've got her sunday" my reply was so you will be dropping her off at 6 in the morning before you go to work !?! no mention of fri/sat but then that would interupt with his social life!

[glitterfairy]

Blimey TLV I did loads of looking on google when it happened to me. My X was violent as well to both me and the kids but still dragged us through two years of torment discussing an SRO.

I would do a search. will have a look as well when i am not looking after sick kids and sick me!