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Lone parents

feel sad that I won't have adult company until im back in work on Monday

6 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 29/02/2008 18:18

I like my own company, and am independent, but sometimes i miss adult company. There must be other lone parents in the same situation, so how do you cope with the isolation and loneliness?

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birky · 29/02/2008 21:15

I'm exactly the same, the only company I'll have is my mum.

A few of my mates were his mates who I became mates with whilst we were together but now we've split up none of them speak to me now. I don't have the biggest social circle in the world, I have a lot of mates at work but they all work different shifts and I work days mon to fri so its not often I see them outside work.

If I'm lonely I just try to keep busy either packing to move, using internet or pampering myself

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Earlybird · 29/02/2008 21:22

Make plans.

I find weekends with no plans can stretch out endlessly, and have the potential for emotional minefields. So, I aim to make a plan to leave the house to either meet someone or do something once a day. Or alternatively/additionally, invite someone over.

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Catnkids · 29/02/2008 21:33

I find the weekends can drag, the kids are all off in different parts of the house doing their own thing and I'm left here with no-one to talk to. And I get four wall syndrome too!!!

If it all gets too much I gather the kids together and drag them out for walk even if I have to brible them with a trip to the shop on the way! Once I've been out of the house for a bit the day doesn't seem so long.

I find friday nights the worst because they seem to go on forever when the kids aren't here and i'm alone. I've just finished glossing the doors and skirting boards in the hall. I try to do the stuff that I would find difficult when the kids are around.

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gillybean2 · 29/02/2008 22:16

That lack of adult company and the sense of isolation and loneliness is really soul destroying sometimes. I was there myself recently when i was ill and had no one to call on for support.

Suggestions i can offer would be:

Text some people in your contact list, it might not be adult company but at least you can converse with an adult. You have work colleagues you said, so find a reason to text them other than work reason that is!

I also now insist we go out for a walk on a sunday, doesn't have to be long but it gets us out and means i get a little free exercise. I also make the weekends one day chores day and the other day fun together day. So we go out if possible on fun day, or stay in and do an activity, board game, craft kit, watch dvd's with popcorn, read together, bowling, zoo, and lots of free and cheap days out to be found too. Not the whole time, but ten or fifteen minutes here and there through the day. It keeps me busy and makes me stop and have that quality time which can easily be missed. It all depends how old your children are i suppose as to what you and they want to do.

Perhaps invite a school friend of your kids over. At the very least the parent will have to stay for a few minutes when they drop them off, so invite them in for coffee. And again when they collect them the chance of another quick chat.

What about your neighbours, do you talk to them at all? If you don't then maybe it's time to introduce yourself.

Keep the radio on, listening to the banter and chatter can help make it feel like you've got another adult in the house, even if it's not a two way conversation.

Find some other single parents (you really won't be the only one at your children's school and maybe your work colleagues know some) and see if you can get to know them better. Then you can try a quick chat for support, or suggest taking the children out to the park so they can play and you can chat.

Find an activity you enjoy and join a local group - quilting, WI (you don't have to be an OAP to join!), ramblers, the PTA of the children's school... There's lots of things out there apparently. You will meet more people with something in common and have reason to call them up with quick questions about the next event, or ideas for forthcoming things etc.

Tell your collegues, family and friends you feel isolated and lonely, especially at the weekends. It might get some of them calling or suggesting meeting up at the weekend. And if it doesn't then you won't be any worse off than you are now really.

Maybe invite a couple of colleagues over for a dvd night, with their children or without! Ask them to bring a snack and whatever they'd like to drink and let the kids watch the tv while you chat in the kitchen. If the kids have their own tv then you can have the lounge instead.

And if all else fails come here for some company of sorts.

It's not easy i know, and it can seem like people just aren't interested or are too busy to make time or be friends. I've only started having more friends and people to call on recently, and that's because i joined a lone parent group but also because i've made myself start chatting more with other parents in the playground and when they say 'any time you need help just let me know' i now take up their offer, whereas before i used to think that's a nice thing to say but they don't mean it. Most of them do mean it i have now found.

Hope your weekend flies past.
take care
Gilly

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chocolatespiders · 29/02/2008 22:20

great post gilly....

i have always found sundays hard since becoming a single mum.... just think it is such a family day,... so now we go swimming in the morning... take some food and drinks for after to kill some time sitting in the cafe, then get home pop to mums, then dinner and wind down....

the week dasy fly by what with work and school.. but the weekend seems to go on forever.. unless we have plans

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AMAZINWOMAN · 01/03/2008 21:04

Thanks for your messages.

My weekend is busy-last night we made a tent downstairs with bed sheets and slept in there! great fun. Today, had my sons friend around so i could relax. Tomorrow I am busy dropping my kids off in different clubs

I think I feel after a hard week in work, i need something fun for me-

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