My ex's is to be a dad again,and is behaving like a scumbag!!!

[tetti]

Me and the ex split last year after having been together for 12 years.
We have a 5 year old girl who'm he's never really been the greatest father to.
When she was born he did nothing to help me round the house,he never stayed up at night with our girl when she was a baby,everything was down to me,to feed her,to change her nappies,to take her out,it was very much as if I was a single mum as he gave me no support whatsoever.
He also put me down for not having a good enough job (I had to work eves and weekends to bring in the money as we couldn't afford childcare,and when he looked after her at those times,he always moaned about having to do so),didn't like my friends who eventually stopped coming round etc etc.I went from a very confident person to someone who hated herself.

Then we split,and slowly my self confidence came back.I got a good job working from hom and am pretty comfortable financially,good thing as he only gives me £40 per month for our child's upkeep.I have also started dating,have a good social life and really,am on top of the world,never thought life could be so good.

Then yesterday he dropped the bombshell,his girlfriend is pregnant,and they are moving to another part of the country,not too far away,but far enough for it to mean that my girl won't see her dad more than perhaps once a month instead of every weekend.
When I brought that up with him,mentioning the effect it'd have on her,the response was-Well,she has to get used to it,the only thing keeping me in this city is my job!(charming!).I also asked how he thought he could afford another child,seeing as he claims he can pay nothing for OUR child!

He went on to have a rant-You should pull yourself together woman and get a life,get some mates,stop isolating yourself and our child(well,I have actually got myself a wide circle of friends,just over the last few months,so he's talking bs!),stop f-ing dating,drop that f-ing twat of a toyboy( a nice guy who adores our girl by the way) and being so selfish,put our daughter first,or I'll take her to the states and never come back!!!(he's still dreaming of getting a green card,silly man).

He also moaned that he was in debt as he had to buy the cot,the buggy and her clothes whan she was a baby.Well,I gave him my share of that as soon as I started work!

I've sooo had enough of this,he is trying to bring me down and make me feel like a piece of dirt again,just like he used to make me feel.How can I be a bad mother when I live for our child? She has a nice home,so much love,and she never,ever goes without anything.
I dk what to do anymore,he's really starting to bring me down.I feel I have to maintain a good relationship with him for our child,but
how can I? Who's he to come and say who I should see and not see,who is he to come and mess up our girl's life.It's like he gets to become a dad again,and just want to forget about his other child.He doesn't care what consequenses his actions will have because-Come on,she's only a kid,she won't care,she'll be ok!

I wish I could just tell him to f right off,but I just can't,can I? I have to put our daughter first,though he very clearly isn't!

[colditz]

You're not a bad mother. People like that treat people like mirrors - he sees a reflection of himself, rather than the (very different) person you are, and really, it's himself he's critisizing.

He is trying to control you, but you don't have to let him. Just because he says it, doesn't make it right.

She will be sad she sees less of him, but to be honest it seems that you are doing a much better job than him anyway.

[skyatnight]

Good advice from Colditz.
This is all sadly very familiar from other threads on this forum.

Sorry it is happening to you and your dd, Tetti. He is obviously completely in the wrong.

[mmelody]

Prick! My ex was EXACTLY the same. We divorced/seperated about 5 years ago and he still tried to manipulate and put me down for about 2 years after we broke up. He would critisise my parenting and it felt like he was doing me a huge favour if he had DD overnight. Like you though, my confidence grew with my circle of friends and I grew to like myself and my life again. He is just envious and bitter that you have got yourself together.. he no longer 'knows' you and is still stuck in his rut of being unpleasant as when you were together. Your DD will adjust as long as you continue to be a lovely constant mummy.

My DD is 12 now and sees her Dad but NEVER stays over his place. She loves him but is also aware that he is a numpty at times. As for me, well I dont give two hoots what he thinks anymore as he has no idea whats going on in my life. Time will make your situation better I think.. It sounds like he is doing you both a favour to be honest.

[Tinkerbel6]

tetti its sounds like he is doing you a favour moving away, good riddance I say

[Kewcumber]

you can;t make him care about your DD the way you want him to and all the compromise in the world won't make him.

Your job is to enable a relationship between them to the degree that they want or is possible. You don;t have to maintain a good relationship with him just a functioning one. None of your life is any business of his now, don't ever consider responding to any of his gripes. He has as much right to comment as any random passerby on the street.

for your DD but she sounds like she has loving people around her and will hopefully weather this storm.

[littlewoman]

Funny how they always deny that their behaviour will have any effect on their children. Imbeciles.