my kids say im irritable and narky

[AMAZINWOMAN]

Feel really, really bad as both of my my kids say im irritable and narky. I didnt think i was bad!
I want to be a good mum and dont want them to remember growing up with an irritable mum

i love my kids to bits but do find it stressful holding down a job, two boys (nearly teenagers), and on a budget!!!

im doing my best in really crappy circumstances-and i know a lot of people would really, really struggle if they had a week of my life (only single parents know how hard it is)

does anyone else struggle? even though im organised, positive etc i struggle
even as im typing my darlings are having a heated discussion!!

im also worried that soon i have to work full time-but if im irritable now, how on earth will i cope????

they say im not srict and that im a nice mum-just always irritable!

[avenanap]

When my son does this I tell him that there are some parents that beat their kids and lock them in the cupboard under the stairs. Then I tell him that there are some parents that spend their childrens food money on beer. As I do none of these he's rather lucky. Yes, all parents struggle, it's not an easy world to bring children up in but they forget that it's more important to have love and security then anything else. It doesn't matter if you are irritable of not, the little darlings need to understand that you always do your best for them because you love them and there are children out there that are far worse of then them.

[citylover]

Yes I struggle too. And am often very irritable.
I don't know about your DSs (I have two aged 6 and 11) but mine push me to the limit and are very demanding also fight quite alot. But they do that because they feel safe to do so I think.

You are doing your best in trying circumstances.

Mine are away this week with ex (first time ever they have both been away) which has made me realise how I am usually on the go from about 7 in the morning till 10//11 each day and every day.

Sounds trite but do you get any time to yourself at all? Tho I have been ill this week I hope that this week will have some positive effect in the long term.

[gillybean2]

I have found myself being that way too. I find it hard to laugh when my son mucks about and tells jokes because i'm always being mum and always have a lot to do, and am so tired and stressed. I also was getting very little sleep and working and not getting and breaks with very little family support and few friends.

As soon as i go to bed i start stressing and everything gets to me and then i start panicing and can't sleep. This means i am even more tired in the morning and less able to deal with everything.

The only time in the last nine years when i've not felt under pressure and suffering from stress was when we took time out and got away from it all for a few days, but it took me those few days to relax enough.

I finally went to the doctor after i had a weekend when i had less than 4 hours sleep the whole weekend and still wasn't sleeping when i went to bed at night. She prescribed a short course of sleeping pills. They knocked me out at 9pm and i was waking up at 7 having had a decent nights sleep and feeling like i wanted to get up.

The short term effect has been that i am now sleeping a little more than i was before, but I am so much less stressed now.

I can enjoy sitting with my son while we watch a film together at the weekend, when before i would have been racing around trying to keep on top of housework etc and stressing when he got under my feet or wanted my attention.

Having spoken to others at my local lone parent group I have learned that a lot of other people are tired and stressed out and don't feel they cope too well. Getting a break is important.

Your sons might benefit from some one to one time, even a short time when they have your undivided attention. But you also need to try and find space for yourself and make sure you get enough sleep.

If they complain you are grumpy then ask them what they think they can do to help you be less stressed and have more time so you are not irritable. Perhaps they could cook dinner once a week so you don't have to think about that when you get home. Perhaps they could take on a few more chores. Or maybe they can give you 30 minutes to yourself to sit and relax when you get home.

Best of luck, and keep strong
Gilly

[AMAZINWOMAN]

thank you everybody for taking the time to reply.

Citylover, like you I am on the go from 7-10, in the week-so I know thats not ideal. I also struggle getting time to myself, so if I ask my kids for time to myself (we're in a small house so I can hear them!!)

Gillybean2, im usually too exhausted to panic luckily!! so my sleep is OK, but some nights could be better. I find making lists of jobs that need doing really helps me when I feel overwhelmed by everything. Making a list before I go to bed helps me sleep.

Avenanp, I think you're right too, I am being a bit too hard on myself. It comes with the territory of being a single mum. theres a saying that it takes a village to raise a child, i feel im having to be a village, so no wonder i get stressed!

i think also the daily routine of work, schools etc is boring. Which doesnt help does it.

[PersephoneSnape]

I've found that leaving early twice a week to pick up ds's from school has been a great help ( I work full time..) - obviously that might not be an option for you in your line of work, but it does help - i do something silly with them on one day and go home and make inroads on teh housework on the other - at least it means i sit down a bit earlier on that night!

I think i lack a sense of humour sometimes, because it is very very difficult (yes, only we know what it's like..) but i think you have to cut yourself some slack. work out what the priorities are in the house and let some things slide. also, if you have teenagers, there should be a discussion about their chores and how you work as a family to ensure mum gets to sit down and read the paper while they make tea/put the washing on/clean their rooms etc. (just read that i'm basically reiterating what Gilly says, but i have a horrible vision of you running around picking up stray socks and your boys playing computer ganes!)