Dilema, advice please

[TLV]

DD has parents evening coming up soon, as dh walked out on us and apart from seeing her one day at weekend and an hour in the week I think (not sure tho) that I'm right in saying to him that I want to go alone, I know some may view this differently and yes he is her father but he walked out and has left me to deal with everything and all he seems to want is the good bits which I kind of resent him for, I told him that I would let him know how it went, does that sound fair?

[Surfermum]

Fair enough that you want to go alone. He could make his own arrangements to go at a different time to you.

[TLV]

unfortunately they are at set times which you get to pick which ones you want and they are allocated per child and I'm not sure that they would see us separately, does that make sense

[TheFallenMadonna]

I think you should have a word with the teacher and ask for another appointment. I regularly saw parents separately. However, I seem to remember from another thread that not everyone agrees with me on that...

[bossybritches]

I always send 2 sets of reports/letters/invites out to divorced seperated parents if possible -it's up to them how/if they take up the offer.

I don't think YABU but you could tell him he is free to book his own appt- it's up to him then to find out if the teachers are able to do it or not!

[gillybean2]

The school has a duty to treat parents and anyone with PR equally, whether seperated or not. There are guidelines about this very matter. The school will ask if you pass on information to your ex. If you say you don't or you say you do but he says you don't then they must provide him with the information if he asks for it. This includes school reports, attending school events etc.

So if your ex wants to see the teacher, and you don't want it to be at the same time you do, then he/you can ask for a seperate appointment and the school must accomodate this. However a lot of schools are not aware of their obligations, or make excuses about it being too difficult and a lot of NRP are not informed or just give up when they hit the first brick wall. Schools are starting to be more aware though with more and more seperated families and more NRP insisting on their rights and duties as a parent being upheld.

It is up to your Ex to arrange a seperate appointment with the school and persue matters if they are unhelpful at first. You are not obliged to inform him of anything, though as a resonable person you are of course likely to pass on details of parents evening, when class assemblies are, let him have details re ordering his own set of school photos etc However if you choose not to the school have an obligation to provide the information to him when he requests they do.

I would suggest telling your ex that you intend to attend the parents evening on your own and that if he wishes to see the teacher that he should make a seperate appointment. Perhaps mention to his teacher (or write a letter so there is no confusion) that you wish to have a seperate appointment from [child's] father and have asked him to get in touch if he wishes to see them.

Chances are he probably won't be interested in going in reality from teh sounds of things.

Best of luck
Gilly