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Was nearly fooled into going round my parents for dinner tomorrow, but guess who else has had a sneaky invite?

66 replies

Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 12:56

Ex H!!

Mum text yesterday to ask if I wanted to come for lunch tomorrow, and I was thinking of maybe taking the boys round for a bit as we never do much on a Sunday & I haven't been round to my parents house for quite a while.

Ex H has just turned up for the boys & said "Are you going to your parents for dinner tomorrow?"
Turns out he has been invited too & I knew nothing about it!!

They won't accept my new relationship, yet they try to set up situations where ex H & myself are forced together!

I am so angry!

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Nymphadora · 02/02/2008 13:05

KNEW this had to be you PC , can't you reply with 'ooh it would be lovely to bring bf round to meet you all properly'

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MarchionessSagacious · 02/02/2008 13:08

I knew this would be you, PC.
on your behalf!

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ZippiBabes · 02/02/2008 13:12

they are nuts

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 13:12

I really should have replied with something like that, if I had thought about it!

I should have known that there would be a plan behind this & that it would mean ex H had also been invited.
They can't just ask me round with the boys because they want to see us!

My new man has been very understanding, but I know that all this gets to him.
As soon as I said to him that I had been invited round for dinner, he said "I bet ex H has too"

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GrapefruitMoon · 02/02/2008 13:19

can't believe they are still trying this on!

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 13:25

I know! We have been separated for over a year & a half now, and I have been with my new man for nearly 6 months, but they can't accept that.

They are just trying to close their eyes to it all & that if they carry on like this, then we will be pushed back together, but that will never happen!

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 13:25

Should say "Think that if they carry on like this..."

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misdee · 02/02/2008 13:27

your parents are the absolute pits.

why do they still do this? is there a reason why exh is their golden boy? (i have missed a lot of your threads sorry)

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Tinkerbel6 · 02/02/2008 13:32

Another one here who knew it was you PC when they read the title, I think its very sneeky and disloyal of your mum and not fair on your b/f at all, PC I think you need to have another conversation with your mum, its not on.

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WanderingTrolley · 02/02/2008 13:33

Are they in denial about your marriage ending, or are they upset about a divorce in the family - is it a cultural/religious thing?

Sorry, I don't really know your story, sorry if I'm asking too much.

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 13:35

He does a lot of work on their house for them. He has decorated pretty much every room, helped dad do their decking & various other jobs.
He has a close relationship with my dad & on Wednesday they both went to watch some concert together. The tickets were ex H's Christmas present to my dad.

Dad has said to my mum that I can do what I like with my life, but he will never ever accept any other man I go out with as he would be a traitor to ex H!

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 13:38

They weren't at all happy about the marriage break up & tried everything in their power to stop it happening, WT. Dad even threatened to have nothing more to do with me if I went ahead with it.

Tinkerbel - I know there will have to be another big talk, and I have a feeling I am going to lose the plot badly soon!

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 16:24

I really feel like running away from it all at the moment, and if it wasn't for the fact that the boys need to be near their dad, I would!

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Freckle · 02/02/2008 16:31

I do think you need to be more blunt direct with your mum. Tell her that if she ever pulls a stunt like that again, not to bother asking in future because the answer will always be no. You clearly cannot trust her (tell her that) and you have no intention of your new, happy life being ruined by their compulsion to push you back into a desperately unhappy relationship with X. Ask her if that's what she thinks being a parent is about.

She's nuts.

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Buda · 02/02/2008 16:32

I knew it was you too PC. Couldn't be anyone else. They are barking.

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Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 19:04

Well I have had a talk with mum & I am not going round for lunch tomorrow.

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Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 10:10

Ex H is going round my parents until 3pm, when he leaves to go to the pub.
I told mum I was prepared to go round, but not until after 3pm when ex H has left.
She wasn't happy & said "Why can't you all come round together & have dinner?" She told me that dad would be upset that I am not coming for dinner as he never sees me.
I told her that the reason I'm not coming for dinner is because ex H has been invited, which I didn't realise until after I got the invite. I told her that it wasn't right to have to all eat dinner together as a big happy family when we are no longer together.
She said it was better for the boys to see us together occasionally, but I told her that it would just totally confuse the boys.
I said it wouldn't be fair on my new man either, and that much as he is very good about the situation, it is bound to get to him when he knows my ex keeps getting invited to dinner etc.

Think I got through in the end. Mum said it was hard for everyone, which I understand, but they have to stop all this.

Dad absolutely won't accept my new relationship. He thinks of ex H like a son & wants to hear nothing about my new man. Mum said "You know how stubborn he is", but I can't see it ever getting any better.

I try not to think about it all too deeply, but all this with dad does upset me & it is starting to really get to me.

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Tinkerbel6 · 03/02/2008 11:49

I think they are traitors to you, I would be seething aswell, I think it will come to the point when you finally let rip, I think you should actually speak to your dad aswell whether he wants to listen or not, you shouldnt be penalised cause your ex has a big brown tongue!!

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Freckle · 03/02/2008 12:02

Point out that their attitude is hurting you their daughter and that it is clear that they think more of Ex-H than they do of you.

Tell them that you will not be manipulated into playing happy families when Ex-H made sure that you couldn't be a happy family when you were still married. Point out that, if they persist in trying to force you into a relationship you don't want (goodness this smacks of forced marriages, doesn't it?), you may have to consider moving away for your own emotional well-being and for that of the boys too.

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Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 12:04

The bit about how dad would be upset I wasn't going round because he never sees me, really got to me a lot. The reason he doesn't see much of me is because of all this!

I get the feeling that the majority of the problem stems with dad. Mum has to go along with it all because he is her husband, but I think mum would be more accepting of my new relationship if it wasn't for how dad is about the whole situation.
Just can't see an end to it, and much as I felt relieved that I got it all off my chest & got my point across with mum, I felt quite tearful last night about the whole situation with dad. I don't want to lose my dad completely, but if he doesn't start accepting I have to get on with my life, then in my eyes he will have chosen ex H over me.

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Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 12:28

Ex H has just come round & taken boys to my parents with him.

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Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 12:58

The moving away option has been quite an appealing thought just recently, Freckle! If it wasn't that the boys really need to be near their dad, I would seriously consider it.

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BecauseImWorthIt · 03/02/2008 13:02

Have you tried to talk to your dad at all, PC? If you can't talk to him, why not write a letter to him outlining the facts in your situation and how you feel about his treatment of you?

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BecauseImWorthIt · 03/02/2008 13:04

Sorry - meant to add this - I can't understand why he can't be a friend of your ex-dh and see your point of view. It doesn't have to be a choice, does it? It would probably be good for your boys as well - to see their dad still around, just not part of your immediate family.

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Blu · 03/02/2008 13:07

Grrrr on your behalf, PC.

It was outrageous, manipulative and dishonest to invite you without telling you ExH would be there.

I agree with freckle - but I would be direct with and to your Dad - atm he has the luxury of sitting on his high horse issuing edicts via your Mother, and doubtless enjoying putting her in a difficult situation - which is pulling her strings, too.

Sadly, PC, it has reached the stage where you don't have much else to lose, in relations with your parent - and it is all their doing.

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