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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

help advice needed urgently!!!

40 replies

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 19:59

My situation my X left me 2 weeks ago for another woman, we have a 5 year old. I have recently found out that X had been seeing other woman for 6 months not 2 months like he told me, I'm soooooo angry.

Problem is I don't want ds to be around HER, he has previously met HER (although I thought it was too early) can I stop this???? X has no parental rights until I sign a legal document (is that right?) I just want ds to spend quality tie with his dad rather than HER. I will never deny him access even though I'm fuming.

Does anyone know where I stand?????

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madamez · 12/01/2008 20:07

While I appreciate that you are very hurt and angry, you can't legally stop your ds from meeting this woman unless you have evidence that she is in any way a dangerous or unsuitable person for a child to be in the presence of (ie she takes drugs or drinks heavily or is violent or engages in criminal behaviour of some kind). As to your XP's parental rights, it depends if he is named on the birth certificate as ds father or not: he has some rights if he is the named father, but if you did try to stop his access he could insist on DNA tests to prove paternity and insist on access, legally - again, the fact that he has ended his relationship with you and begun one with someone else doesn;t make him an unfit father in the eyes of the law, you would need to show evidence of his drug-taking or violence or criminal behaviour etc to stop access.
Sorry not to be able to tell you what you want to hear, and in addition to offer some advice that probably won't be that pleasing either. If your XP is serious about this woman and she becomes his long term partner then she will figure in your ds life to some extent. It would actually be better for all of you to try to be amicable in your dealings with XP and his new partner, even if it does hurt, because pretending that you have moved on can actually help you to move on sooner. There's another thread on here from a poster called Pingu who is in a very similar situation, reading that might help as well. (sorry, rubbish at linking to posts, hopefully someone else will come along and provide the link).

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 20:18

gutted. X is on the birth certificate but the law has changed hasn't it?? (dec 2003) stating that unmarried fathers have to obtain parental rights?

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 20:35

hi again lou, you must be gutted.

i have the same problem; dont want my ds ANYWHERE NEAR my ex dh's new woman, but apparently when they are all out together people think she is his mum..

but i dont think there is anything you can do! its so horrible!!

i beg my ex dh to spend time with ds without HER being there, but he is a wimp and she INSISTS on being there all fucking weekend with both of them.my ds tells me.

Sorry dont know how to help . The fact she is pregnant with dh's baby makes her apparently feel that they are all a "family"..

Well she can go f**k herself, i expect you feel the same?

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 20:42

too right I want to get her so much. shes got photos of my X on her facebook profile.

There probably isn't anything I can do about it, I know that and I should think of ds (he likes her) but I think its all too soon for ds, he's coping really well at the minute but what damage has it done and will do later on?????

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 20:49

Yes i also worried about the effect on my ds, he met ex's woman for the first time when they had only just met and came home all confused, saying " sleeps in my daddys bed", whereas 4 months ago, it was mummy who slept in daddy's bed!
poor souls

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 20:50

how old was your ds when x left??

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 20:51

3, and dd (his step daughter) was 7.

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 20:53

how long ago did it happen?

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 20:56

Well he left in April (my stupid decision - we had been arguing about money a LOT), then i asked him to come back in June, he said no, then in September it finally HIT me that he was gone for good, and then he announced he was living with this woman and she is having his baby.

Magdelanian · 12/01/2008 20:57

Hi Lonelou, I remember you posting before and it seemed like you were taking things very well. This new knowledge must feel like another kick in the stomach. I hope that you and allgonebellyup can find support from each other.

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 20:59

omg thats awful mine happened 2 weeks ago

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:01

Exactly, yours has only just happened.. you will feel so much better in 6months, well not deliriously happy, obviously, but you will kind of get used to it.. i am getting there slowly!

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:02

at the minute I'm so angry, but the good thing is that pining for him seems to have disappeared, maybe different story again tomora roller coaster feelings

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:07

well done on the pining disappearing, mine seems to get worse by the day!
actually it only gets worse because dd tells me that ex and his new woman argue the whole time, and she sulks a lot, and they all live in the same house with his mother who gives them the silent treatment!!!
so at least i get some satisfaction that it is a horrible situation for them but it doesnt stop me wanting him!!!

maybe you should concentrate on your feelings of anger towards him, i bloody would - i have never been cheated on but the fact my dh had the rudeness to meet someone so quickly had me seething....!

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:08

I made the mistake of texting him after I found out (abusive), regret that a little bit now (only a little bit lol), it started the arguing between us.

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:12

texting has a lot to answer for!
i text angry stuff to my ex all the time, and sends me texts about how i have ruined his life etc as he doesnt live with his kids, etc..

Try to stop the texting but rubbish advice as i cant leave my phone alone!

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:16

he doesn't text back, which makes me more angry.

How is your ds now? school? emotions? feelings towards x?

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:20

he is fine, thanks for asking, but he got obsessed with not throwing things away - everything had to be put beside the bin and not IN it. He gets scared that i will go away too.
He also says he will tell to be nice to his mummy and not say horrible things about me!

How is your son?

allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:24

the person is x's new woman btw

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:26

He seems to be coping really well school etc X seems him everyday, he pickes ds up from school coz I work, and he takes ds back to their house, which is annoying. Weekends though is a different story X sees ds sunday but not saturday. he rang him today (probably after something I said to him) and ds seemed affected by it, he went all quiet, not sure about that?

but today we had fun ds, my sis and niece went to the park it was good to see him smiling (don't know what I'd do without him really)

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:28

Also, it is madly frustrating when they dont text back, you feel like theyve got all the control and the "silence" is so infuriating! (well it is for me)

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:30

yes it is. I find it very hard to not think about what THEIR doing!

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LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:30

have you got messenger by any chance?

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allgonebellyup · 12/01/2008 21:33

no i dont, its a bummer, but you can CAT me (i think)

i also wind myself up something chronic imagining all the things they are doing, especially at 2 in the morning, i imagine them having wild sex whilst i am sleeping all alone..its grim

LoneLou · 12/01/2008 21:37

oh god yes. I don't know I'll probably think differently tomorrow but I certainly would not have him back, thinking about all those lies he fed me.

I don't know what you think about this but it came up that he walked out on both of us (me and ds) but he says he didn't walk out on ds just me, the way I see it is he did walk out on both of us?????????

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