Kids meeting his girlfreind.

[Scramble]

Just found out exh has told DD he has a girlfriend and her name. I had already told older ds when he was asking about daddy going on holiday with us).

ExH says yes they will be meeting her and why not.

I don't want my kids to have a split life, this is there home and ther life daddy is free to come and see them anytime and take them out for the day.

I don't want them to meet the woman that split us up, that was a bitch to me when I had to work with her (yes we all worked for the same company), that put in a written complaint about me at work, that had "coffee" and cosy chats and slept with him before he left me, who still lives with her mum, you not surprisingly is quite a bit younger than him.

I don't appreciate him saying he soeasn't always want to give up time with her to see the kids.

If she was some random woman he met after we split up that I didn't know I could probably deal with it but she isn't.

Oh this is so horrible, I don't want it sprung upon me, with the kids coming home and telling me all about her. Basicly I just don't want it to happen at all.

He says well it will happen if he is going to the cinema and she wants to she will.

[mummyfantastico]

I know what you're going through. XH left me for some slapper and he couldn't see a problem with the dds meeting her.
I managed to convince him to wait til after xmas, but now he's seeing them on 12th Jan with a woman who I hate.
For my sake I want them to hate her, but for their sakes I will grudgingly admit it would be better for them to like her.

[mummyofaprincess]

i think your in the same situation as me

My xp left me for OW 6 weeks ago now (they was at it behind my back, found text etc..)

Well on the second week he told me he want DD and he wanted to take DD (who was 2 then, shes now 3) to meet OW (shes 17!!!)

I said no way, and now hes getting a house with her and her mate and now he is demanding i let him have DD over night with her!!!<br /> <br /> Over my dead body!!<br /> <br /> Oh and im 6 months pregnant with his child, and guess what? when this ones born he also wants to take this one out to her.

I hate him so much!!

I hope your ok xx

[allgonebellyup]

Also going through the same

Horrible isnt it, sometimes i dont know how to get through the day.

Hope youre ok

[lostdad]

I can see this...but also from the other side. My XW (who left me out of the blue) has done her best to stop me seeing our son. I can see her saying the same sort of thing when I meet someone else.

On the otherhand...well, I don't know if she has another boyfriend who is daddy' to our son, who her friends that she took our son on holiday with or anything like that. Similarly I have no input on where he goes, what he eats, what clothes he wears, etc.<br /> <br /> In many ways she may be a good mother and I just have to hope this is the case.<br /> <br /> The important thing is: is the child's best interests being served? If the answer is yes' as hard as it is, there should be no problem ultimately.

[pinguthepenguin]

Scramble

Theres a few threads on this, I've started one myself a few weeks back, if you take a look. (Sorry, I'm a bit of a techno-ludite and can't do links!)

This is a situation I've recently been dealing with and I know how very painful this is. I also knew the ow and as our child is little more than an infant, it was crushing to think that he was taking her there.

The advice that I've had on here has been at times very hard to swallow, but its from women who have fought long and painful battles with their ex's- with the only injured parties being themselves and their children. They have ultimately advised me, that as painful as it is- you cannot stop him from introducing the child to her, and what he does with her in his time is down to him. This is harsh, its painful, but its a reality.
I cling to the same advice from these ladies, that your child will know that YOU are her mummy, and YOU will have a bond with her that is yours alone.

Feel for you, really.

[Catnkids]

My (almost) exH wanted our kids to meet his new gf and I said no so he tried underhand tactics like his mum arranging a 'family' bbq. I sussed that she'd be at the 'family bbq' so I said "No the kids are not going if she's going, it's too early (in the separation) for them to meet his gf, it's not in their best interests etc etc". He cancelled the bbq. Then he tried to take them on a night they sleep at his but my eldest (11) rang me so that I could say no again. But this time I asked my boys the boys (11 & 9) whether they wanted to meet her and her kids and they said they weren't bothered so I let them go but I wouldn't let my daughter go (7) because she didn't want to.

The boys met gf and her kids briefly and then went to play in the play area. They said that their dad spent his time with her and her kids and barely spoke to my boys. That was about 9 months ago and he hasn't tried to get them to meet her since. My boys don't want to meet her again and my daughter never wants to meet her - and yes I'm cheering!

I was told that if it's "not in the childrens best interests" then as the primary carer you have the right to say no, but if you do that then you have to run the risk that he might do it anyway without telling you or that he might get his solicitor involved.

It's a really hard one and it broke my heart when it happened to us. Sadly for my children, their dad now spends most of his time with her and her kids rather than with his own children.

His family gave me a hard time about it too but I stuck with my gut feeling. My kids were too traumatised by our separation to go through meeting his new gf. And I don't see why my children should have to share their time with their dad just because she's there with him. He can be with her when the kids have come home and I know that if she's there he'll ignore the kids and will be with her.

Hope that helps. x

[tetti]

Well,my daughter is soon to meet her dad's gf,and so am I.
She was basically the catalyst in us splitting up,he left us this summer after getting close to his colleague.
Thing is,in my situation I am so grateful to him for what he did(!),yes,maybe I wasn't at the time,but now I'm soo happy with my life,our girl is really happy too,I'm dating another guy,so really,I don't care anymore about what happened in the past(our relationship wasn't a happy one,and boy is she welcome to him and his problems!lol)

So,although it can be very hard meeting the ex's new gf,and to let your kids meet her(especially in situations where the break ups has been very traumatic for everyone involved,like in some of the above situations),I think it's for the best in the long run.The kids need to have contact with their father,and if their father has a serious relationship,well,then you have to try and put your feelings aside somehow,even though it may really hurt,and let the children meet the new woman,maybe in a very neutral setting at first with you present if at all possible maybe?

All I care about in my case,is that she,the ex's new gf,treats my daughter well and with respect,and does NOT ever try to stand in the way of my girl having a relationship with her father,then I'm cool.I want her to be her friend,but if she ever try to tell her what to do or tell her off?,Then I'll become a roaring lioness!!!lol

[Phatmouse]

I don't know and wouldn't even claim to as I have never been in that position but I will say this.

I was in Asda the otherday and could hear a mother talking to a little girl about 10 years old, snapping, you don't drink full fat coke, do you hear me, if you want to drink coke you drink diet coke, she is an idiot, the womans an idiot, don't listen to anything she says, if you drink coke you will get fat is that what you want, do you want to get fat.

I looked at the little girls face and she was honestly broken, shaking her head looking at ther feet, eyes full of tears, she suddenly looked about five and like her world had fallen apart.

The little boy about 8 asked, who mum? and she barked back, your dads grilfriend.

Seriously, I just wanted to put my arms round the little girl and tell her it was alright. I know this woman is hurting but sometimes people just fall out of love but that little girl doesn't need to know that for a very long time.

I hope you lot are all okay x

[Scramble]

Firstly can I make it quite clear I have and never would prevent or make it hard for exH to see his kids. I have in fact been trying to get him to spend more time.

I know exH needs to do "his thing" but I do not believe it is in the kids best interest to meet the new GF. I did not like the -girl- woman before the affair and split occured. I do not want my kids getting chummy with a woman who was a bitch to me and put in a complaint about me that could have caused me serious problems at work if it had been taken seriously.

I firmly believe that the best thing for my kids is not to have to lead a split life with 2 homes and all that. Exh is welcome to see them here anytime and take them out or to their activites. I want stability and security for them.

I had DD crying tonight and we talked for over an hour, she told me sha wants to live with Granny, she doesn't feel right here now that daddy isn't here, she doesn't like her life and she wants two mums! aparantly I am not enough and two mums would be better.

My god it took me all my time not to say well that little bitch ain't gona be your mum! Instead I explained that she might be daddy's GF but she will never be your mum, that that is a very special job and that it was my job. I talked about mummys and daddys being very special and that we do a speacial job. About how mummys sometimes have to be not so nice because we have to do everything to look after children. Oh it was so painful, I tried to find out what she didn't like about living here and what we could do to make it nicer.

I think that is all the more reason to keep things simple and not introduce GF when DD is already mixed up and upset. I know they will have to meet her eventually, but perhaps if they last a year or so I will beable to take the relationship a bit more seriously. Exh said on the phone he didn't want to have to give up time if he was with GF, as soon as he said it he realised it wasn't the best thing to be admitting.

[Tinkerbel6]

scramble how long have you been apart ? eventually you will have to back down the same as your ex will have too when it comes to you dating again, if you dig your heels in too much all that will happen is he will take you to court and most probably get every other weekend and a day in the week, putting your children through that is scarey than you allowing them to see this woman for a couple of hours each week, its your decision but do whats in your childrens best interest and put your feelings aside

[Scramble]

Its only been 5months. Thing is if I met a man I would not be playing happy families with him and my kids for along lomg time yet.

I believe I am doing what is in my kids best interest for now. Its not just about my feelings. I don't want exH's GF tagging along on his trips out with the kids just so he can economise on his time.

I talked to exH today about it all and he does agree it is not something that the kids need right now, I explained about DD being upset and wanting 2 mummies he agreed that it was best to keep it simple for her just now.

It would be easier if I hadn't hated the bloddy girl before I even had any indication exH was going to have a fling with her. Future GF's doesn't seem as bad but this girl who was the catalyst to him leaving as well. . Hop exH agrees with me for a while yet.

My friend who got pregnant by accident and wasn't even in a proper relationship, well her DD's dad waited over a year before introducing his GF. She wasn't around when they split, it was years after and they were seperate when DD was born. He is an arse in other ways but at least he realised kids need stability not getting introduced to every GF or BF that rolls along.

As I said if it stands the test of time we will see, but I think she is only the GF for now because he moved in to her house and can't afford to get his own place. He has reasons to keep her sweet for now.

[talie101]

Scramble...it takes a long time to adjust to your ex's new life and unfortunately you have to accept it.

I agree with Tinkerbel6....my exh took me to Court over access and the judge basically told me to wind my neck in 'father's rights and all that!'...that he was allowed to do what he wanted, where he wanted, on his time with them...and this was whilst my young dd's (4 and 2 at the time) were having horrendous problems coping with the split (which didn't seem to be taken into consideration!)...they were so unsettled and I fought like hell to try and keep their lives as normal as possible! He introduced his gf to dd's against my wishes because HE thought it was the right time...I had a complete fit because he wasn't the one witnessing the afteraffects of the split! I don't know whether it actually made things worse for a while or not or whether it was all the 'tension' between us that was more of a problem!

Only you can make the decisions that you feel right for your children, but from my own experiences of a very nasty split, only time will tell whether you are actually doing the best for your children or not....I can see now that I too made lots of mistakes and actually was adding to my dd's problems...but you can't see that at the time because of all the hurt.

It has taken me 3 years to come to terms with the bitch that split us up! and get my life back on track and my dd's completely feeling happy and secure now, but do you know what....he told me he was thinking of leaving her the other day (I knew it wouldn't last!...grass is greener...NOT!)....and my reaction is that I would actually like him to work things out with her and not change to another partner because she is part of my dd's lives now and is by all accounts a good person to them and I would absolutely hate the fact that he met someone that was completely useless with my children or hated them/didn't get on with them etc. because that would just tear us all apart yet again.

It really is still early days for you...it takes a long time to heal and see reason....and believe me I was close to topping myself (and my kids!) because I was so devastated on the split....but now I'm happy and can see a way forward.

I know you'll get to that point to....Wishing you lots of luck, love and happiness xx

[Scramble]

Sorry I don't sound very grateful for you opinions, I am.

Hopefully exH and I can keep things fairly civil, I have to try and do what I think is best.And I have to try to get exH onside and see my point of veiw, Thankfully he does seem to for now and that is all I am asking from him. I don't want to have to go to court over access and I would do my best to avoid this.

[Tinkerbel6]

Scrambe with it being only 5 months its still raw to everyone, I agree that the children need to get used to the idea of mummy and daddy not being together, maybe say to your ex that you would be much happier if he waited until its been at least a year before he introduced this woman to them, by which time it mgiht be more amicable between you both and the children more settled.