feel like a mug!! (again!)

[Debra1981]

so exh has court contact order telling times and handover locations for contact, including an 'undertaking' to the court not to drink/take drugs 24rs before or during contact, and not to take her to a pub. have always been skeptical about undertaking as he's not stupid enough to do those things in front of me! but may well in front of dd 18months, too young to tell what she has seen. anyway, we are week 4 of order, he handed her back to me this afternoon after 2.5 hrs, and on stepping up to take her i smelt alcohol on his breath. he shuffled back and started harping on about not knowing what xmas contact was, even though it's quite clear in the contact order, so i told him, (he's to collect her for 2.5hrs on xmas eve) feeling increasingly angry but knowing i had to keep cool in front of dd, so said nothing about his drinking as i knew i couldn't have stayed cool if i had started. My mum was stood behind me in the hallway, just wish i had got her to confirm that he smelt of drink, cos my word on its own is worth little. i suppose i was lulled into a false sense of security by the order and thought i wouldnt have to deal with the drinking again. i know if i say anything to him or his mum (who takes him everywhere), it will be dismissed with scorn as me making stuff up (like many times before). he was verbally and physically abusive towards me during our relationship and after as well as having drink problem throughout all of which he denies, so i stopped contact and insisted on contact centre, he went to court and succeeded in getting unsupervised contact, as there is little proof of these issues. sort of wish i had kicked off. don't know what else i can do/could have done. feel stupid/helpless! still wishing he would just hurry up and die in fact.

[CarGirl]

I guess all you can do is make a note of it. Write to the court or whoever that made the order and inform them.

[Alambil]

Have you got a solicitor?

Next court order needs a caveat in it that states if at any time you see/smell these things that contact ends THERE AND THEN until the next court date (I got one of those for ex's unreasonable behaviour/language towards me - he never visited again and it's been 4 yrs now!)

[Alambil]

Oh, forgot to say - you are by no means a mug or a fool.

As hard as it is, you need to give him enough rope to hang himself - looks like he is well on the way, as far as what I can see.

Ring your solicitor asap (Monday) and tell him/her what has happened.

[Debra1981]

cheers. i will let me solicitor know, although i doubt they're in til new year now. obviously told my mum and shes all anti-confrontation and thinks i just have to let it go, but has said that if it happens again i should just tell her while he is there and she will back me up if he does smell. i know what you mean about the rope- i'm still sort of shocked that he is going ahead and doing it though! his whole attitude from the start has shown little respect for the court order. but from what i understood from my solicitor, unless there is a serious incident clearly harming dd directly first, the courts won't limit contact any more. There again, at this rate it's only a matter of time. i just hope it's while i still ensure there are witnesses about, not after he's been good enough for a while for me to think it's not neccessary- iykwim. we will see. bit worried about forthcoming contacts now- know i will be even more tense than usual, worried about going into mad rant mode and showing only myself up, and wondering what nasty surprise he's got for me next.

[PurpleOne]

go rant debra lol

he sounds like a total tosser to me... report it no matter when, even write it in your diary

Just maske sure you let evryone know x |(sorry am pissed lol)

[lottymadbird]

follow him, take a witness and get photos of him going in a pub / drinking next time he has access. this is about your DD's safety.

and as for mad rant mode you have every right, I would have lamped him one there and then on the doorstep. .