Spliting up... the story so far.

[Skribble]

Well I gave exH until the end of this week to clear out and tonight we told the kids.

Well I actually told DS earlier on today when we had time together without DD, he took it very well and wasn't upset, I think he knew what was coming. (still expecting a few moments with him though).

We told DD together, well exH sat their bubbling while I told her and DS chipped in with some words of wisdom. Apart from DD saying she wished it was the other way round (as in mummy moving out) she was OK too.

I think exH was a bit upset at how they took it so well and I ignored him while he took some bags out, I think he wanted tears and shouting and small children banging on the window calling for him.

I told him I had sorted out Tax credits today (nice lady on phone sorted it all out instead of me having to fill out huge form), and told him I am going into the bank tomorrow to open an account for the direct debits to get switched to. He looked a bit suprprised that I had organised all this.

Maybe it will all hit home now, but he is out out out!!! I have a lot of living to get on with now.

[singledadofthree]

oh - well done - and it will hit him. my ex said it was like being on holiday until she realised what she'd done - too late.

hope you realise youll be doing all the houssework now

[Whooosh]

So glad it went ok for you-well first phase anyway.....

Best of luck with the rest-it won't be an easy ride but worth it in the end

[Skribble]

He never did any housework anyway, come to think of it I don't either .

I really have been operating as a single mum for the past 10 years anyway so apart from being responsible for all the finaces, its not going to be all that different, apart from holidays I suppose.

He really was a bit like a lodger that was quite good with the kids but never there too much.

[beller]

Hi Skribble,

Glad it went well. Im sure you will have the odd moment with the children, but as long as its all dealt with as amicably as you can..im sure they will be fine.
Hoorah for the living to start
xx

[Skribble]

I thought I would sink into depression, but I actually feeling very positive now.

Meeting at bank went well advisor was lovely and we chatted for ages, she gave me some good advice and a big overdraught facility to make sure the bills are all paid while I am getting all the finances sorted out.

Doctor tommorrow to get some things checked that have been niggling for ages.

Looking at all the things I want to sort out in the house sorted out now, need to decorate a few rooms and have a good clear out, in the mood for chucking .

[Tinkerbel5]

you sound positive skribble, I hope it works out for you, you seem to have everything covered

[Skribble]

Trying to be, but..

When I was going through all the bank paper work I have discovered he might have been having an affair as far back as January, def through the summer as there are transactions on the joint account that make it clear what he was up to when I was away working. God what a fool I am, right there on the joint account, never noticed as we didn't have statements sent out, all online and I never bothered getting the pin code until now to access it as I use my own account for all the day to day stuff I paid for, he paid the direct debits.

All this has made me even more determined to get on and upwards with my own life as he is a selfish fool who didn't know how good he had it with me!

I don't know if I should ask him about the previous goings on, or make it clear I know or just leave it.

[FuzzyFeeling]

Hi skribble,

Glad things are going quite smoothly so far, sorry to hear about the probable affair though...

The thing to ask yourself is what would you get out of confronting him about it now? You could let him know you know at some point, but just in a matter-of-fact passing comment rather than a discussion or something with emotion in it if that makes sense. You know what he did, you know you are better off without him, and you're trying to rebuild your life, to me that also meant letting go of the past, leaving it where it is, and focusing on the now and the future.

Good luck, things will definately get better!

[Skribble]

He is coming this evening to take DS swimming, and then to sort out finances. I will stcik to my aloofness (is that a word?) and just casualy comment so he knows I know.

Tru that interogating him will get me no where. I just don't like this feeling that he has really taken the piss out of me. He is complaining he is skint this month, he sais this while standing there wearing a new top, he has some other new clothes that have appeared over the last month and I can see he spends a fortune in McDonalds and getting sandwiches from the supermarket for his lunches, while I have been struggling to find money for school dinners and after school activities for the kids .

[wheredowegofromhere]

Hi Skribble, best of luck, I'm happy for you that it is going smoothly! How old are your LOs?

[singledadofthree]

hi skribble

dont think i'd beable to help meself dropping the odd comment about the goings on - just so he knows his piss taking days are over. will stop him harping on about being skint too. and hope you manage to get a decent amount of maintenance. have mentioned once or twice that ive hardly seen a penny from my ex - one giro for 3 quid. even tho she works, as does her partner, has 2 cars etc. not that i'm bothered - never asked for anything. did go to csa recently after she seriously pissed the kids off tho. they said i dont get a penny - oh well - nothing changes

hope you get more sense than i ever did

[Skribble]

He says he only cares about the kids so hopefully he will care enough to help me pay the bills.

I only mentioned the goings on when I have been working away I didn't mention the millions of visits to McDs and all the other lunch time treats and the new togs. I will save that for when he actually has a discussion about money. He was supposed to discuss things tonight after the kids went to bed but he didn't stay after dropping off DS. Oh well I can sort the finances without him. I will see the solicitor myself.

[charliecat]

Skribble,myspacebar isntworkingbutmyXhasbroughtanewcar,spentloads onclothesetc....buthehadatoaskmefor moneytonightashesgone awayabroadtwiceinthepastmonthandhasoverstretchedhimself....
wasgoodtosaythats notaproblem...
MrsNice.