Is he just trying to put me down or has he got a point

[almostmidnight]

I haven't posted on here for a while because I thought I was getting on with life after my ex and I separated at the end of June. He basically had other woman who is now pregnant with their child. I don't allow her to have anything to do with our dds at the moment. Ex usually comes to see our dds a couple of evenings a week after his work and has them every other weekend. I have never tried to stop him seeing them.

He has stayed over at my place this weekend again whilst having the girls as his other woman is staying at his flat (his choice to come here). I have asked him to get his place sorted so the girls can stay with him as I have to go and spend the weekend elsewhere. This weekend I spent it seeing my MIL and SIL who have been wonderful since he left i.e. I might be divorcing him but not them, I will always be part of their family.

He came to pick me up today basically because he is worried I won't get back til late. He also phoned my MIL to check I was really going to hers this weekend after I refused a lift there from him. On the way home in the car he said he was fed up of me making life difficult for him having to only spend time with other woman every other weekend and if it carries on he won't see our dds until I decide she can see them also. He says that after being separated for nearly 4 months I should now be over 15 years of marriage and that (even though I have never had an affair in those 15 years) I am not the complete innocent in what has happened!!!!!

My MIL and SIL say it is because he is jealous that I have got my life back, I have lost three stone, wearing short skirts again, getting chatted up, going out with friends, going to see a band play next month, whereas he now has another baby on the way and realises he is going to have to stay home and look after it and that money is going to be so tight for him (he doesn't see why he should pay my bills also even though I don't work).

My reply to all of this was that I would like to get Christmas time over with before she starts to see my girls as Christmas is going to be so different for us this year. The rest of the family will be working or away or have other company coming so it looks like it will just be me and the girls. AM I REALLY BEING DIFFICULT OR HIS HE JUST BEING A WANKER AND IS JEALOUS LIKE HIS MUM AND SISTER SAY HE IS.

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

AM I REALLY BEING DIFFICULT OR HIS HE JUST BEING A WANKER AND IS JEALOUS LIKE HIS MUM AND SISTER SAY HE IS.


I like his Mum and Sister.

Hold hard, he is unlikely to come back but you should not capitulate on any level until at least Easter.

Start as you mean to go on, he sounds trapped (Diddums)Do not deny him access but do make it easy either. IYKWIM.

[ChorusLine]

Wow 3 stone - well done you!

His family sound great - I would vote for BEING A WANKER AND IS JEALOUS!

[mollymawk]

He is being a wanker (I am annoyed with him on your behalf just from reading your post).

[cheeset]

I don't think you are being difficult at all. I think your idea of getting Christmas out of the way with is a really good idea as its always a difficult time of the year when it comes to relationships and loneliness IYKWIM. From what you have explained, he left you, he made his bed.....

The children come first and you recognise this by allowing him back into your home while you go somewhere else, you sound incredibly reasonable to me.

He's just inconvenienced, just doesn't like being put out-tough titties, what more can you do?

[Sheila]

I can understand how you feel and I don't think he's handled the situation very well, to say the least, but I don't think there's legally anything you can actually do to stop him seeing his chldren with his new partner, who he's now living with, although it's always possible to make things difficult.

Assuming you want your kids to continue to see their dad it's probably in your long term interests to establish a pattern of visits before the new baby comes along. It'll be much more difficult once that's happened.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. Wish I had this problem - XP hardly ever comes near his son

[purpleduck]

You may be on the way to being over it, he may be as well, but fgs, 4 months is not a long time for the KIDS to get over it!!!! I think he is being unreasonable. Its not about his convenience!!!
Sheesh!!!

[CarGirl]

I think a bit of both.

Unfortunately the OW is part of his life and their child is related to your dd's.

Perhaps you should start by letting your dd's see the OW for a little bit at a time before weekends start.

I think he is jealous and he is insane to think you can get over 15 years of marriage in 4 months but I do think your dd's will be okay seeing the OW and they may be hurt if they find out you are keeping them away from a part of their Dad's life.

I do like your MIL & SIL though

[almostmidnight]

Thanks for your posts, wasn't sure if I would get replies with my message being so long.

I know other woman is going to be in their lives now but like I said it has only been four months since I find out about her and he thinks I am being difficult. My dds are only 3 yrs and 20 months so I don't think they understand what is going on really. Other woman is also only 22 and I am 36.

Been great losing the weight. Tried a size 14 on in Dorothy Perkins at weekend and had to ask assistant for a 12. Yipppppeeeee. been 15 years since I wore a size 12. Needless to say I bought the skirt - first short skirt in years too.

[chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks]

Well done am!
Imagine your ex putting the Jezebel's needs before his dd's though!Shame on him!

[Skribble]

The divorce Diet seems to be the best .

[chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks]

Yes, success is the best revenge!

[Tortington]

he thinks your being difficult?

i think you are being amazing. i want to say how proud i am of you - but of course i don't know yo and hat just sounds weird

i don't think you are being difficult


i really truly dont


however if you were.... 12 weeks, 12 fucking weeks - i think your allowed to be a bit fucking difficult

[MotherFunk]

Message withdrawn

[expatinscotland]

Your reply was far more generous than mine would have been.

HE IS A MOTHER FUCKING TWUNT.

He's a jealous loser who deserves to be screwed over.

[agnesnitt]

Stick to your guns my dear, you know what is best for your children. If it interferes with his social life then he needs his cranium seeing to. With a mallet.

Agnes

[orangehead]

He being a wanker. Stick to yr guns.Well done with the weight and getting your life back together

[LoopyLouLisa]

Hi am i remember your original thread. no way should you let him change dds current routine with visits etc. at their ages when they've just been through so much already, introducing ow would confuse an upset them even more.i doubt they're even used to the fact that he doesn't live there anymore yet. if they were older and able to understand the situation more, i would definitely agree with cargirl that putting it off until after the baby is born may make things worse. when is the baby due? if it's after xmas maybe you could offer a comprimise of having it stay the same until xmas then making a fresh start for you all in the new year.

[almostmidnight]

The baby isn't due until the middle of February time. He actually stuck to his threat and didn't phone the girls Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. He wasn't going to come or phone yesterday either until his mum text him to tell him his girls have been ill all week (which they have - I don't do sick very well either - thank god for the vax) and it is time he got his arse round to help. He turned up at the door saying "what's up".

I asked him if he is going to see the girls again and he said he doesn't know yet. I told him again I just want to get Christmas out of the way. Does he really think not seeing his girls will hurt me. The only ones he has been hurting is his girls and I hope he realised that when they gave him such a big welcome last night. The 3 year old has been asking all week when daddy is coming for tea again.

[Baffy]

and at his behaviour

he expects you to be over what he's done to you in a few months after 15 years together!

and you are being totally reasonable about his access, but have asked that for the time being, his OW doesn't see the girls whilst you get your head round it all, come to terms with the split, come to terms with his OW having his child and your dd's having a step brother or sister, and get through the difficult time that the first Christmas without him will be...

and how does he react - by thinking of himself and by punishing his own children and not turning up to see them!

sounds like the OW is welcome to him. and fwiw I think you are being totally reasonable and he is a jealous, selfish, pathetic man who is putting his own needs ahead of his children.

stay strong on this. you're not in the wrong.

[howlingatthefullmoonmother]

Tell him to grow up and stop using his children to get at you because you've moved on and your making a better life for yourself,whereas obviously he's realised how more trapped hes become.

His responsibility to his kids should come as top priority,
He should stop feeling sorry for himself and realise that not having their daddy living with them is affecting your Dc already and they are still dealing with that,without having new girlfriends and baby's been thrown into their confused little minds.

Using emotional blackmail(your children) to get his own way in my opinion makes me think your well rid of him,sadly your Dc won't think of it like that,and thats who he'll be hurtingand possibly mentally damaging.

Meeting her after Xmas,but before the new baby is here seems like a very suitable compromise to me.

when myself and ex split up,he got a new girlfriend after a few weeks ,but it was 6 months down the line before my Dc were introduced to her.

Good Luck i hope he comes to his senses before he upsets your precious little girls.