Next question - after splitting up with dp/dh do you still have contact with his family?

[hurricane]

Just that really. Dp walked out on us as part of a bigger mid-life crisis it would seem and although his parents responded to my 1st couple of emails (I said I wanted the kids to continue to see their extended family and hoped we could continue to communicate as well as expressing my concern at dp's actions) they haven't responded to my last one. have heard nothing from anyone else in the family. They haven't even asked if I or the kids are ok (though dp has continued to have contact with kids so they will have heard brief reports from him). Just wondered how normal this is? Experiences and advice please. Feel very rejected and abandoned not only by dp but by his whole family who I had become reasonably attached to and who my kids adore.

[chopchopbusybusy]

I think it's really sad if your in laws cut you and your children out of their lives. Of course, I don't know the circumstances, but it doesn't sound as if the decision to split was yours. My MIL has made it very clear that if DH and I were to split up she would still expect to be part of our lives. DHs (catholic) parents divorced in the 60s, when it was still considered a disgrace and I know she was very hurt by his whole family ignoring her and the children.

Don't know what to say really. I'd probably pick up the phone rather than email. I think you'd get a better feel for what they really think then.

[aimeesmummy]

Hi, I split with DH just over a year ago and put a letter in MiL xmas card saying I hope she'd keep in touch etc etc and got nothing back, neither did she send my Mum a xmas card. My birthday a month ago, nothing; her 70th on Friday I sent a card and got a "nanna" card for dd to sign (yes I know its exDHs job but if I'd left it him it wouldn't have happened) and it was my Mums birthday yesterday (my Mum sent her a card with one of those music CDs from the year you were born) and MiL didn't bother to either send my Mum a card or acknowledge the card she got from my Mum.

A couple of things... if she has any beef its just with me, she and my Mum always got on. Also, I'm hacked off enough to not bother with xmas/birthday cards with her ever again - let alone including her in DDs events - but that would just be petty (and my point is....?!).
ALSO (and I'm just remembering this and getting crosser by the moment) it was a Mummy weekend with DD weekend just gone but I let DD go off with Daddy for the weekend for Nannas birthday. This means, as Daddy refuses to swap weekends, that I don't have her (OK, OK, I know she's not a possession!) for 3 weekends on the trot.
Gggrrrrrrrr...

Sorry not to be of any help

[macdoodle]

My MIL has been nothing but supportive though we don't really discuss what H did (she hasn't seen OW baby I don't think)...continues to look after DD as always and came shopping with me for pram for new baby ..she is a star if a little distant and difficult to talk to (but always has been in the 10 years I have known her)...my DD absolutely adores her and FIL would be devastated if they cut her out of their lives but I know they never would they dote on her...hope will be same with new LO even though H and I are now seperated (think she sees more of me than him TBH)....

[almostmidnight]

I am lucky, am great friends with my MIL and all my in laws but I was married 15 years. They would all be devasted if they lost touch with me and my girls. My FIL has surprised me the most though as he cheated on my MIL most of their married life but he is so disgusted that his son has done the same. Strange how life (and people) turn out. Hope you resolve everything

[sportie]

My ex FIL and MIL are divorced. MIL will talk to my DDs if she sees them but no longer considers them part of the family (can't spend much on them this christmas as only buying main presents for family etc...!)But FIL and new partner are brill. We never mention ex dh, get the impression they don't approve of him and his lack of interest in DDs, but other than that everything as normal. DDs stay over with him if I go out and he helps to collect them from places if I'm otherwise engaged with work etc. DDs adore him and his DP and consider him their main father figure.

[StarryStarryNight]

anniemac makes good points. I can only refer to the experience my sister had after she split with her husband. She, and our family is not in touch with his family at all. DD has contact with her fathers family when he has contact. It is nothing to do with my sister. Her XP is responsible for christmas presents to cousins, cards, etc for his side of the family from DD. No way would my sister be writing out cards from DD to anybody in his family, if he forgets, then tough, nothing to do with my sister.

[rantinghousewife]

My ex and I split 12 years ago and things were awkward with his parents for a couple of years, partly due to ex lying to them about me refusing access to ds.
However over the years we have rebuilt a good relationship with them and they see ds more often than ex does. (Ex doesn't make the effort but, they do).
You will probably find that things will improve over time. Just email them, to let them know that you are happy for them to see the dcs. Then it's up to them to contact you, that way they 'know' your feelings on the subject, rather than hearing your ex's version.