I hate men. sorry.

[MascaraOHara]

but there's nobody here to talk to and I just had to get that off my chest.

And I hate myself for being so hopeful when I meet someone I think I could really like.

It's just wanky.

[Pinkchampagne]

What's happened?

[fortyplus]

They're not all wanky... it's just that the nice ones settle down and don't go flirting with anything in a skirt so there seems to be so few of them about.

[MascaraOHara]

Oh Im sure there not all wankers.

Just all the ones that show an interest in me.

sorry. should go to bed or something.

[Dior]

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[stripeytiger]

Hi Mascara. What's up? Tell us your story. Where are you meeting these wanky men

[MascaraOHara]

Oh it's not just office bloke. Just brings it home, you know.

it's a few things. just have never had any luck with blokes, gues sI'm just feeling worn and tired at the minute

[Dior]

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[MascaraOHara]

No he's still around. think I'm going to have to give him the elbow, he's doing nothing for my already shakey self-esteem.. he's just so odd.. one minute it's all "your luck has changed" etc the next minute he's acting all uninterested.

story of my life. lol.

got a couple of other blokes who heard I was single again sniffing around, they both messed me around at different times years ago.

exdp was ex cos I was always last on his priority list.

dd's father was just a nightmare - agressive and stuff.

[Dior]

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[fortyplus]

Me again...

Is it definitely them? You don't have unrealistic expectations? I don't mean that in horrible patronising way because I bet that's how it looks when it's just typed.

[MascaraOHara]

lol, I know what you mean but I actually think I have quite low expectations. I don't know.

ok so after dd's father - who was abusive I went on a few dates had a few semi-relationships you kow a few months here, a couple of months there.

Then got together with xdp, we split after 2.5 years cos he was always in the pub lying about drug use and never putting me and dd first. Even though he was the closest thing she's had to a dad and he always said 'he trets her like his own' and I think he genuinely did but then I was very much the sole carer. He wouldn't help me decorate her bedroom and I think that really ended it for me (I didn't ask him to help me do much) but he wouldn't even help me move her furniture so I could decorate.. I ended up lugging wardrobes and drawers around on my own.

so then very quickly work bloke starts sniffing round telling me how I deserve better, how my luck has changed, how I need someone to look after me abit. As much as I tried to keep him at arms length and not getting involved if I'm honest with myself I think deep down I did get my hopes up and now I have no idea what he wants and he won't help me out by talking to me about it.

then a couple of guys start sniffing around (as news spreads) and I just can't help wondering if they think I'm easy or something. I'm not interested in either of them and they know it.

blimey sorry, that turned out to be a bit of a whinge.

I just look at myself and wonder what's so wrong with me. I'm not ugly, I'm not (that) stupid, I have a good job, I earn decent money, I (think) I dress nice you know and yet the only men who ever show any interest are complete losers and if I do meet someone who is potentially a decent bloke he's not interested.

Actually writing that down maybe I over rate myself and I should stick to the sort who are interested cos that's the weight I should be punching at.. now that is a depressing thought

[tetti]

My advice is,don't even think about meeting a man for the time being.If you focus on yourself and become happy and strong,you will not attract these unsuitable men.You will then think you are worth loving and that you only deserve the best.Be fussy,take your time,get to know a man as a friend before you take the relationship any further.
There are many decent guys out there,unfortunately many of them are taken,but eventually,you will meet someone ,believe me.

I am far from ready to meet a new man,should I try and date now I would not be ready and probably attract the wrong kind of guy.
Fill your life with friends,activities etc,and forget about blokes for the time being.
Then it'll just happen!:-)

[MascaraOHara]

yeah, you're right.

[MascaraOHara]

OK so as expected I've just had the "I don't know what I want" line during a phone call. I think I'm going to get properly dumped tonight.

[Dior]

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[MascaraOHara]

yeah, I knew it was coming and everyone on here said you know "he's not really into you" bu I so so wanted him to be.

am gutted actually. Everything is just so shit at the moment.

I know I can't make him like me the way I like him and I know I just have to take it with dignity and hold my head up but I just feel like crying. no scratch that I am crying.

I so cross with myself for getting sucked in.

[Dior]

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[Dior]

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[MascaraOHara]

thanks just feel like my world is crumbling. I know this is more about other stuff that's going onand the fact that he was so quick to move after I split with exdp. so never really mourned that reltionship IYKWIM. Just feel like a complete twit.

Going to log off.. this is just self indulgent misery.

[Dior]

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[tetti]

Men,they are from a different planet,aren't they? I have almost stopped trying to figure them out (my ex texted me when I was on holiday with our daughter,saying how much he loved and missed me,1 week later he dumped me after 13 years together,so no,don't know how their brains work!:-)

[fortyplus]

Definitely not your fault!! Sounds as though the ex dp who did drugs and pub has really knocked your self esteem. Sounds as though you need some good nights out with the girls and just tell yourself you don't need a man in your life for a while.

[Dior]

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[MascaraOHara]

Hi, feel prtty down if I'm honest.. lost my apitite and have that horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away.

Very very weird night, I ended up staying over in a bizarre turn of events and left on a good note this morning but I don't think I'll be seeing him again.

At least as we left it on a reasonable note this morning it won't be awkward in the future (for him anyway). I have deleted all his texts and his number from my mobile and have promised myself that I won't text or call him, I wish he would contact me and things would get back on track but I don't think he will to be honest.

Besides it's only been a couple of months really, it's my own fault for letting ymself fall for him and thinking it could really go somewhere. silly girl.

[Mhamai]

Mascara, so sorry your going through this, have been there myself and it's shitty, easy for me to say but please stop being so hard on yourself, I dn't want to go all preachy but please allow yourself to feel sad angry etc but lay off on the beatig yourself up, it really doesen't serve a purpose, I know because I've done it time and time again myself in the past.

Focus on yourself and you know, I think you hit on something when you said you felt like you hadn't mourned the ending of the previous relationship. I know it's hard to hear, especially when you feel vulnerable and wounded but you really need a break from men.

You are a bright intelligent woman whose needs by the sound of it have taken a back seat. It's cliched but honestly Mascara if you take time out for yourself, you will when the time is right find someone worthy of you.

Thinking of you
Mhamai x