update on my dd, re visiting dad

[pirategirl]

HIya,

Well despite dd not going to her dads that time, I told her in the week that she must try to go the following time .

I asked ex, not to say anyhting to her, no reprimands about why she hadnt wanted to come. His mother also emailed him and said, 'look' she is coming, just leave it all, and make fresh start.

DD went off vvery well i was really proud.

On her return, i asked how it had gone and she said ok mummy, i said, did daddy talk to you about anything, 'no mummy'

'but (ex's gf ) did', i was like wtf. Apparently she said 'why didnt you come with us last week'

dd said 'becuase i wnated to stay with mummy' apparently dd siad she was just in her head saying 'think what mummy said, think what mummy said'

so a fiar enough answer, but, then gf said 'but why' HUH, to which dd had no answer, and became in her words 'upset inside mummy, cos her face was very grumpy'

I said to dd, where was daddy when his gf started asking you this, 'upstairs mum'.


I am aghast at this woman, I expliciltly said to ex, dontmake this uncomfortable for dd. But SHE had to butt in.

Oh yeah, and dd was sent home with a cd rom, of pics of the holiday they all had, and on there were about 6 pics of ex and gf, al snugled up. made me wanna choke, cos one of them was in bed all romantic. Why dd needed that onther i have no idea, buit obv i was also meant to see it.


the feckers.

[alittleone2]

Message withdrawn

[pirategirl]

thanks, really good advice xx

[pirategirl]

its all kicked off,

i even had a message form his gf tonight, sayin gif i continue to be not civil then ex is considering not seeing dd anymore.

not being civil mean when i {dare to} have a concern.
oh and yes, if i consider a contact centre or third party type thing, his gf has told me he wont be there.

[pirategirl]

[lou33]

i would firmly tell the gf in polite terms to stay the fuck out of any family business between you and your ex concerning your daughter, and that if dd continues to feel upset and harrassed by her, then the choice of whether of not exh sees dd will not be his to make

[pirategirl]

i just dont ever wan a be claaed theone who stopped dd having contact, seems like he's hiding behind his guilt, and his cant be assed thing, and turnign it round on me oncemore.

had dd saying tonight how nuch sheloves daddy, but why isnt he there more for her. She's been down all day, just sensed it, then tonight was writing a note, saying she wished daddy lived with us.

Ihave asked gf not to ring, back months ago, but obv she has to speak out of his arsehole for him now, he cant do it on his own.

'I'm watching (ex dh-) get so stressed out, its bringing him down...'

oh r u, i'm watching a littel girl in bits you selfish bitch.

[lou33]

refuse to discuss anything with her, tell your h that dd is getting v upset when gf questions her, and if she keeps doing it then his access to her wiill have to be in your presence, as you will not tolerate her being upset anymore

i'd be mad as hell if it was my kids too

in fact once exh's gf sent dd1 a text ut of hte blue (exh mus have given her dd's number), saying her dad missed her and loved her and cried every day for her

dd1 was in bits and i was furious, texted back and told her who i was and if she sent another message like that upsetting my daughter,then i would change her mob number

of course i wont go into my opinion, of that if exh missed them so much he could have come back to the uk a year ago

really you have to let her know she isn not going to get away with it, and exh isnt going to either

[pirategirl]

i am feeling like a muppet, like a scardey cat, i 'think' i should retaliate, but know it goeson one ear out the next. There's one thing i know she prob wont like, and thats being ignored. Ican do ignoring.

I was angry yes, but felt like laffing, honestly if u heard her condescending voice you'd laff lou.

Ohlife must be sooooooooooooo bad for them, having each other, both working, so in love. lol.Funny how this attittudehas been going on for 3 yrs, and gos frobid i ever say, hang on, its chucked back at me.

I'd on theother habd quite enjoy another row, just to hearh im say he's not gonna bother anymore.

sympathies for your little ones, isnt the tosser back inthe uk now, is that right?

how do you deal with thier heartbreak lou? I have run out of things to say to my dd.

[silkcushion]

FWIW - I think you are right to not get into a slanging match. I don't know how old yr DD is but it will never be helpful for her to have you and her dad arguing.

I have 2 step kids who visit every two weeks (actually less often now) and I have to stick to one firm rule. Never fall out with their mum or say anything negative about her. Sounds like exH's gf needs to learn this. She probably thinks she's in the right too but when it comes down to it she's yr Dd and his DD and the two of you have to get this sorted not the gf.

Good luck

[turquoisenights]

so sorry for you and your daughter pirategirl.
do you think they are playing a game to finish the contact and put the blame on you that you caused it?
they dont seem to me fair pirategirl.
i think you must be very careful with your steps with them.
why they are sending their snugling pictures to you? they are trying to upset you i guess.
just give them back and ask them why they gave?
wish you the best.

[turquoisenights]

do you think your dd will benefit from seeing him, will he be able to be a sensible person?
if no, keep it minimum, and dont accept contact with his gf, its not her business.

[lou33]

he isnt back yet pg, he reckons oct 8th

tbh the oldest one is the only one who seems to be bothered about him now , the rest of them rarely mention him, especially the younger 2

however i just remind them that i am sure dad loves them very much (through gritted teeth), and that as long as they ahve me they will be fine. dd2 was worried at one point i would leave her too, but i reassured her that would never happen

[pirategirl]

contact with just him has been out of the question.

she is always there.

update, he just turned up on my doorstep, kickin off, wanting to take dd for breakfast.

I am stodd there in pj's, i asked why didnt you just ring.

'why should i have to ring?'

then stormed off, saying he cant take this anymore.

dd in tears.

then has just rang, saying I need to change my attitude. The insisted he has no fightleft and doesnt want to argue. I said, u cant expect me to be all 'fab' when we argued lastnight and u just turn up, i night haveb een busy, or who knows who was here. He innediately said 'i ndont careif you have 100men in there' ??

I wasmeaning, my family, or friends.

I am shaikinglike a leaf, .

[pirategirl]

lou, help i think i am losingit, cant stop crying.

[lou33]

oh pg dont

exh used to do this too, and he almost had me believeing i was the one in the wrong

when you feel vulnerable they know how to take advantage of that

refuse to discuss anything with him when he is like that, just keep saying " i am not going to talk about it right now"

poor dd, one wake up call for me was seeing dd2 sobbing her heart out curled up in a ball, while my drunken ex was telling the kids i was a lying c*nt

she was wailing, begging him to stop, saying it was killing her

i just suddenly became v v determined this man had to leave hte house there and then, and called the police

didnt stop his harrassment but it made me a lot stronger against him, after seeing the trauma she was going through

it's v hard tho pg i really feel for you

if you email me at morticiatsf at googlemail dot com, i will send you my msn addy

i have to pop out now but i will be back x

[Tinkerbel5]

pirategirl dont get upset, your ex is being unreasonable and when he isnt getting his own he is throwing a strop. I also recon he is looking for a way out and he is doing this in front of the children, he has no right to turn up at your house and make any demands, if he wants to see them then he should ring you the night before and make arrangements, cause he cant control you he is turning it around and making you look the bad guy, tell him its not acceptable.