Sorry, but I disagree with you Kate that the baby is as much his as Phoebe's. He's not carrying it, he won't give birth to it, he won't feed it from his body, he won't get up in the night to it, he won't sit with it when it's ill, he won't give make career sacrifices for it ... he won't do all the things a parent who lives and bonds with a child does. He'll probably do all the pleasant, fun stuff and none of the hard work.
However, I have to echo Kate's sentiment's, Phoebe, and say that if he does genuinely want to be involved with his child, for the right reasons (because it is his child, not to control you), then try and welcome it and make it work. Your child will be happier if s/he knows his or her father, and you will be happier knowing that you are doing the right thing by him/ her. And as Kate says, at least she can tell her kids that their father wanted to see them. They'll grow up knowing he loved them. That means such a lot to a child. Watching it dawn on your kids that their father couldn't be bothered with them must be so painful, and in many ways it is a good thing for you that that's not on the horizon. (Not that I'm saying what's happened to YOU is a good thing Kate, that would clearly be insane - I hope it's obvious to you that I don't think that.)
My children don't see their father because he appears unable to pick up a phone or get on a train. I can't even begin to imagine how forgetful one must be not to remember the existence of one's own children. But I suspect that it is to do with his own demons, which he has to work through before he can begin to think about participating in his children's lives. I just hope he will before they get to an age where they may start to realise that he hasn't seen them by choice.
Tappy, if you want to CAT me, feel free.