Is it likely XH could take my son away from me?

[AnyaP]

Hi, bit new to this thing so sorry if abbreviations a bit ropey . I've been separated from my ex for over a year now and have a son of nearly three. I've been with a new partner for on and off around eight months. We did split up a couple of time and my ex is saying he doesn't want new bloke having any contact with son and if he finds out he's seen him he'll 'have to change things', i.e. try and get custody of ds. He's not living in suitable accomodation and works most eveings as a chef. I know he's just playing mind games and trying to control my life still but at a loss trying to work out what to do. I still live in the family home and work part time, he's never made any effort to find somewhere that he can take ds, so all access is in my home. He's a great dad in that he loves his son to bits and sees him everyday, and will babysit if I go out with friends, but not boyf. but don't feel he's got ds's best interset at heart and I'm bloody terrified I'll lose my ds. I have had depression in the past and slightly agraphobic - so I guess he'll try and use that tactic maybe. Anybody got any advice?!

[Beauregard]

Sorry not up on this sort of thing but will bump this for you.

[Beauregard]

I am sure you have nothing to worry about though

[NKF]

Talk to someone at Citizens Advice Bureau. But I doubt that he could have custody altered because you have a boyfriend. He'd have to prove your boyfriend was bad news in some way, I would have thought.

[pickledpear]

no court in the land takes a child away from their primary carer which is usually the mother unless they in danger which your child isn't, also if you were not married the father has no real rights unless you went and signed a special letter to give him parental rights. to prove you are an unfit mother would take more than depression in the past don't worry too much i been through this recently too i got so upset then i spoke to a solicitor and they reassured me over the phone

[AnyaP]

Thank you for replies - he does have pr but I kind of know they won't take ds away from me but you just need to hear it from someone else! I did say to him, any judge would just laugh at him for being a jealous little f*wit. New bloke is lovely, has two sons and misses them so much - it's so aggravating that ex has this control over my life when I've never stopped him having any contact - and consult him on everything to do with ds. Aaaarrrgghhhhh!!!

Right that's off my chest and just made appt to start divorce proceedings, hurray!

Thanks again

[AnyaP]

Thank you!

[persephonesnape]

I would try to ensure that your ex has somewhere else to take your ds. Although i appreciate he is being helpful with 'babysitting' etc, I don't think this should take place in your home. My ex would be poking through my undewear drawer and looking for evidence. I don't like having him in my home at all.

[AnyaP]

I know he checks my phone, but I just think how sad that he's got nothing better to do - and resent having to hide it away just because he can't keep his filthy mitts off it. I say he's a great dad but have no respect for him - I think he's unintelligent, sly and not sophisticated enough to use mental manipulation very cleverly - I'm just frustrated I wasted three years of my life with him and dread the thought of him or his family having sole repsonsilibity for ds if anything ever happened to me. Does mean I look both ways before I cross the road

I was reading another thread about an ex taking the children away and not letting their mum know they were ok - and it does seem that there is a lot of very similar behaviour going on with parents who have seperated. Wouldn't say it's given me hope but I know I'm not alone

[Janos]

AnyaP, it is extremely unlikely that your XP/H will get custody of your DS. And depression/agorapgobia will not go against you.

I'd suspect it's more likely he is jealous of your new relationship and is making an idle threat so try not to worry!