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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

DS's behaviour has been just awful since the house move & I'm finding it really hard to cope

85 replies

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 17:44

He seems to have no respect for me at all atm, and he is constantly pushing the boundaries. He isn't like it with his dad, but his behaviour is just awful with me right now & I'm really struggling with him.
I know this is to be expected, but I can't cope with much more. I am not doing a very good job on the lone parent front & I feel as low as a low thing today.

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 17:47

Oh sweetheart, are you still stressed

{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just remember we always take it out on those we love! I think its going to take time for him to settle, Its been a big upheaval for him and he's retaliating. Have you tried one on one time? take him out alone and spend some quality time with him?

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 17:56

I'm horribly stressed today. I have had to come upstairs & walk away because I can't take anymore. They are now watching TV, but they will be fighting again any second now.

I can't take him out alone because there is nobody to have DS2. My parents still seem to be ignoring me as I haven't heard from them at all, and today it is all getting on top of me & I'm struggling.

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Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:00

I had been coping quite well until today.

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:02

Where are you honey? Roughly?

I'm sure someone could give you 5 mins, you are not alone, If i'm near you I'd gladly come and help you out

It is very stressful I know, I have two dd's and am on my own (cant have babysitter as my dd's can only be looked after by a qualified nurse due to allergies)

Just leave them downstaris for 5 mins and take a breather. make yourself a cup of tea or pop them in the garden to play if you can

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:16

I'm in Kent, Hilllary. I have friends nearby, but they have their own families, and I really don't want to put my two on them if I can help it.
My family are trying to prove a point & not giving me any help at all. Mum hasn't once phoned or text me to see how I am since the move, and today it is getting to me quite a bit.

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:18

Honey I am near you (well I can be)

I'll be her for you if you need someone

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:25

That's very sweet of you, Hilllary. I will be okay, I am just having a bit of a bad day today, and I needed to vent somewhere!
I have been trying to do a good job on my own, but the changes in the boys behaviour is proving quite a challange & I'm not doing too well today.

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:31

Thats ok honey, I know what you mean about doing it on your own, just if you need a break or some adult conversation just email me [email protected] and I'll meet you for a coffee or something,

I've been taking that Rescue Remedy too and its really good for stress, give it a go honestly its really chills you out

Its a constant job isnt it & by the time you get them into bed you just want to go to sleep yourself, no me time at all.

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:36

Thanks, Hilllary, that is a very sweet offer.

I am on my second bottle of Rescue Remedy! I bought it originally to help prevent panic attacks, and I found it really good. I tried Kalms, but they didn't touch the sides!

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:41

Gosh greedy you!!!

Yes I take it every day lovely stuff, do you have a garden? I find gardening really calming

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:48

They were only small bottles!!

I do have a garden, although I haven't done much with it yet, because it has done nothing but rain since I moved in!

Boys have calmed in front of TV, and I am feeling a little calmer in myself now. Bedtime is on the horizon!!

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Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:52

I am going downstairs now to have another attempt of being a good mum! Thanks for talking to me, Hilllary.

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Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 18:54

I haven't been up here the whole time abandoning them btw! I have been nipping up & down!

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Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:57

Oh you're welcome honey anytime!

Get your wellies on and get into that garden, get yourself some tomatoe plants and strawberry bushes, watering them gives you an inner calm. Get the boys a rabbit or something to focus on and take their attention away from the situation, will give them something new to like about their new home

Good luck with the bedtime shift

Hills .x.

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 20:15

I think I may pass on the rabbit for now!!

Boys are now in bed, but not settling easily, and I've just had their dad phone me from the pub to ask if he can come & see them after one more game of cards!!
I have told him that I am hoping they will soon be asleep, so it isn't the best of ideas!

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lovelybird · 20/05/2007 21:07

PinkChampagne - Just wanted to say hello and how nice it is to see you on MN. I have been wondering how you've got on. Hope the move all went OK-I'll have to check the other threads.

I'm sorry to hear your DS1 is pushing the boundaries, it will pass. I'm afraid i don't have any practical advice other than walking away and haveing 5 mins to yourself when you need to. He will be fine, once he's settled down. Sorry to hear your parents are still behaving appallingly. Just ignore them, and let them contact you when they can bring themselves to. You can rise above that, even though I'm sure you want to tell them what you think.

So glad you're back on MN and you're OK. Just take it one day at a time.

Fubsy · 20/05/2007 21:25

Sorry youre having a rough time PC. My DD pushes the boundaries badly, and she doesnt even know we're separating yet! Hopefully its just a phase he's going through anyway.

Youre ex sounds a bit daft if you dont mind me saying - why would you want him rolling in from the pub when youve just got the boys settled!

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 21:26

Hi lovelybird, thanks for thinking of me.
I am only online via dial up atm, as I'm still waiting for my broadband, but it is good to be able to get MN again!

The move itself went quite smoothly, but it was an emotional ordeal & I am glad it is over!
I am now feeling a lot more settled & other than the first few days, I seem to be adjusting & coping better than I thought I would. I was even past caring about my family & their lack of support, and was thinking "stuff them - I don't need them!"

The boys have been hard work though, and DS1 is like a different child. He answers back & talks to me like he has no respect for me at all, which I am finding really hard to cope with. Today has been really hard, and I felt like I was not coping well alone.
I guess it is to be expected that the boys would play up as reaction to this huge change in their lives, but it is really tough.

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Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 21:29

Hi Fubsy, how are you?

My ex H has been in the pub all day because it was one of his friends birthdays, so he is obviously drunk & not thinking!

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Fubsy · 20/05/2007 22:29

Hi PC, not bad, although one of our cats died on Friday, so has been a bit sad round here.

Remind me how old your boys are? DD is just 6, and can be incredibly rude when she wants to be. her moods flit, one second she can be absolutely vile, then its like clouds moving in the wind, she will be as happy as anything.

She rode the cat thing well - she was the one who found him crying on the lawn, and I had to rush him to the vet with DD in tow, so she was actually present when he was put down. I think it was the best thing actually, she was adamant she did not want to be anywhere else, she wanted to be with him, as did I.

Children can be amazingly resiliant about some things. But when a couple splits, I bet its the Mum who gets most of the crap from them.

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 22:38

Sorry to hear about your cat, Fubsy.

My eldest son is 7.5, so I guess some of it may be age related, but I noticed a big change in his behaviour as soon as we moved into this house, so I'm sure it's all related.

It is a hard time for the boys, and I've been trying hard to handle it all as I should, but sometimes it's really hard to deal with & I feel I am a failure of a mother.

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Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 22:49

He behaves perfectly when around his dad.

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matilda57 · 21/05/2007 09:34

You could try Rescue Remedy for your lo's. I don't know what I would have done without it when ds got regularly hyper when he was little. It does what it says on the box: "calms and reassures".
Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time PinkChampagne. Kids have a way of letting you know they are unsettled

agnesnitt · 21/05/2007 12:26

Just popping in to offer empathy Pickchampagne. My daughter is having all sorts of boundary issues right now, greatly increasing in frequency since I asked her father to leave the house a month or so ago.

I can't offer a cure, but want you to know there's some solidarity 'oop norf'

Agnes

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 16:30

Thank you both for your messages.

I didn't know Rescue Remedy was suitable for children, matilda, but if it stops hyper behaviour, my youngest could do with a drop!

Sorry you are also having problems, agnesnitt. It is obviously a reaction to feeling unsettled after the separation & I think my DS is also testing to see just how far he can push me now that daddy isn't around.
It is a really tough one to deal with though.

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