just a rant about ex

[Debra1981]

my violent drunk idiot of a husband. left him in July 06, was taking little baby dd (born June 06) to see him v regularly at his request but he just couldnt keep his fists to himself so for the last few weeks been going to contact centre. he makes out that hes a dab hand at daddying just becos he did it before with someone else, tho he isnt allowed to see his other 2 dds (he has his excuses but makes you wonder what made me think we could make family life work? i feel a fool myself for that). hes changed about 5 nappies since dd was born, and seemed to struggle with them all. likes to make out i'm a bad mum as i'm crazy(?!)/over-hormonal (according to his solicitor) and of course lying totally about the abuse he's put me thru, promiscuous (last time i went clubbing was with him at start of pregnancy, but he keeps telling me his spies have seen me cheating on him while we were together. as if! grrr) and indecisive. i think this is week 6 now of contact centre- i am much more relaxed with contact this way. but. last week he didnt show, claiming sickness. grrr at him letting dd down, who he claims to adore so much. this week he turned up with a lovely black eye, obviously been fighting in pub as so often before. grrr at him behaving like a teenager while claiming the rights of a responsible parent. and for about 3 weeks before that turned up stinking of booze. grrr at him nevertheless trying to gain overnight unsupervised contact when he can't even do 2 hours a week supervised sober. Sorry now that im no longer scared of him he just makes my blood boil almost yes irrationally. i suppose i'm just hankerin after someone agreein with me that his behaviour is beyond stupid!

[vimfuego]

Sorry to read you're having a difficult time. I'm glad you're not scared of him any more.

[catmac]

He sounds in an awful state to be demanding whole night responsibility, hope you've got some good support/evidence not to let him get his fists on your dd.
It seems like you've made a big effort for him, but there's no reason continuing if he's not going to make an effort himself.

[Debra1981]

just like to add that his mum drives him to contact centre as he is banned, and if i leave the centre during the contact time she stalks me round the shops. i think thats quite immature for a pensioner, but its probably on his request as he is obsessed with the idea that i have a new partner (but i dont). not that its any of their business. grr. i wish they'd both grow up, and start acting like proper parents, or get out of my and dd's lives.

[Nightynight]

completely sympathise, and am glad that yo are no longer scared of him.

as an alcoholic, he woldnt get overnight contact srely??

[Debra1981]

he thinks he can fool people about his drinking- his solicitor doesn't seem to have noticed (she is supporting his denial that he is an alcoholic). but he has seen his gp last year about this so medical records will tell all, also as police have been involved with us a few times in last few months due to phone harassment as well as him gettin handy and every time they go to give him a bo telling off hes sloshed according to them, and last time they went he was at his mum's (drinking) and she told them she was worried about his drinking. still annoyed no charge for last assault tho as no witnesses grr if they looked at our records the truth would be clear. also has at least 2 drink driving convictions in last couple of years. i don't want to go to court and thankfully he hasn't pushed it that far yet. my solicitor has said i should have got contact centre staff to kick him out if he stunk so i will do next time, but same time i don't want to look like the obstructive baddie, nor do i think that will help prove anything in long run as staff there are meant to be impartial.

[Nightynight]

thats good that it is on police record that he was drnk. Cold yo draw it to the attention of the centre staff that he is drnk, bt say that yo are keeping a close eye on the sitation and dont want to stop his contact with his children? that way it wold be on record, bt yo woldnt come across as the baddy.
I wold also keep private records of all the occasions when yo see him drnk.
refvsal to face reality is really annoying. mine is the same, thogh not alcoholic.

[Debra1981]

dontcha just feel like givin em a big shake?!

[Nightynight]

YES

[Debra1981]

i'd like to hear other people's experiences of contact centres as well, altho i appreciate circumstances vary between families who attend. particularly how long contact has continued there, as my solicitor was keen to impress upon me that it is a temporary solution which seems to be designed for use for months at a time- im dreading what comes after tbh if he carries on in this state

[Hilllary]

OMG Debra you're not Married to my xp are you????? So so similar its uncanny

[Hilllary]

I left and he's not allowed to see my two dd's, wont have him near.

[Debra1981]

i couldnt possibly comment! nah probably not. he SAYS the reason is a subsequent gf secretly stashed their b'day & xmas cards and gifts instead of posting them (why wasnt he in charge of that anyway?!). god only knows the real reason but im growing more sure that his aggression had to do with it. he's hinted that he helped this subsequent gf miscarry as he didnt want kids with her, which is really gross. theres so much nastiness and dodginess about him eurgh what was i thinking???

[vixma]

Thank god you are such a strong woman who no longer takes crap on behalf of your self and your child/children no longer and can a say how I respect the balls u have for surviving and standing up for yourself, cos it sounds like this knob has put u guys through hell. I was with a manipulative loser who had the mentallity of a peanut too, but luckerly I did not have a kid with him so I could (after 2 years of stalking me) get rid of him. There must be so many women who can relate to what your saying. Some men can be such pathetic twats.