Pure lies

[yumyummumandme]

Ok, this is long.

At the age of 20 I met ExH and by the age of 22 was married. We were very happily married. I adored him and I believe that he adored me. We had two children now 14 and 10.
At the beginning of 2013 my world completely fell apart. After almost 18 years of marriage, ExH took his things and walked out the door. This was a sudden event. Prior to this, I had just turned 40 and had spent the Christmas and the first week in January celebrating. This was the first I knew that there was anything wrong in my marriage. Up until that point, I had never had any reason to suspect there was anything wrong at all. I gave him a couple of days and then went to see him with the kids (thinking that he'd be fine and come home). 
He told me that he had fallen out of love with me and that he wanted to go and live as a hermit (I know that sounds crazy but he actually said that). He then turned around and looked straight at our children who were 6 and 10 years old and said, 'I don't love your mum anymore. We're not married anymore. It's done, we're finished'. At that point he got up and walked away leaving our children so upset that it's impossible for me to relive the moment as it's too difficult.
I was completely numb for about six weeks. What was my only world for twenty years, had completely fallen apart and I had no idea why. There was no lead up to this moment, there was no discussion about counselling, there was no real-reason given to me about why he was leaving. I was completely confused and bewildered as to why my 20 year relationship with this man was now over and that he wasn't going to even try to explain or repair it. What followed was just crazy. He left me completely alone to take care of the children, the dog (who was very sick) and a ridiculously big property (which was all he ever wanted). He cancelled everything and I was left to pay for it all on my own. He had always looked after the finances and I looked after the house. He returned a few weeks later to take half the furniture after telling me he had a job in the country.
Throughout 2013, there was little contact with the children. He saw them a handful of times. It was crazy. No-one could understand what had happened. He had abandoned his family and walked away from his children. Six months after he walked out, I found out by accident that he had been having an affair. I couldn't believe it. I had defended him against anyone who said that as I truly believed he would never have done that to me or our children. I was told that everyone in his office knew about it and that she was a colleague under his supervision. When confronted, he admitted nothing. He had the opportunity to come clean he didn't.
He saw the children for a couple of times after that in 2013. In the meantime, I had been working to try to bring the finances to some sort of separation. I spent $15000 in lawyer's fees only for ExH to continue to play a game of cat and mouse. Every time I would pay for papers to be written up (which he agreed to and cost $2000 a time), he would reject them and we would be back to square one.
He did not see or speak to his children at any time throughout 2014 and the beginning of 2015. He had completely abandoned the children and they did not understand why. I had, throughout this time, continued to try to get him to complete separation orders so that I could sell the property. I spent all week working and looking after the kids and all weekend trying to keep on top of the property. I paid for everything and he contributed nothing. I eventually had to go to the Child Support Agency as I was paying for the mortgage and insurance on a house I didn't want to be in as well as paying all the school fees, etc on my own.
In April 2015, I had had enough and sought mediation to finalise things. Again he turned up and said nothing except that he wanted 50% of everything. I eventually agreed to a settlement around approx 45% to him as I had truly had enough. I just wanted out and to move on for the sake of my children. 
The settlement finally came through and I managed to sell the house earlier this year. ExH would have received a substantial figure which he said he was using to build a house to be closer to our children. He has had contact with the children and it had been more frequent this year. He has seen them on most other Friday's since February.
In about July this year, he finally agreed to go ahead with the divorce. I had been asking him to complete the paperwork from January 2014 and he had refused to do it and refused to pay for half of it. All of a sudden, he wanted the divorce and I happily signed the papers.
This weekend, I have again, found out by accident that he is getting married in January and that he has two children. 
I didn't think that he could get any worse but he has. My children know nothing about his new life and nothing about his other children. I don't believe that there is any fairness to any of the children in what he has done. He has lied all the way through and I believe him to be a sociopath.
I have confronted him (albeit vis email/text because he won't speak to me).  So far ExH has been unremorseful and devoid of any moral compass. I've asked him for the truth on many occasions and to be truthful with the boys and he hasn't been. I can no longer sit back and allow him to continue to manipulate, confuse and fool the people around him. This has to stop somewhere. 
His family, my ex in-laws seem to be aware of the new family and are in and amongst it all.  How can these people be so cruel and how can these lies that my ExH tells continue to be accepted?
My children have been completely abandoned and lied to.  I could cope when it was me on the receiving end but now he has done it to the kids I feel completely enraged and devastated for them.  
I have told the children. Our lives are based on truth no matter how hard.  They have decided that they no longer want anything to do with him.  I have told him this and told him that if he wants to see the kids then it should be through the courts.  
He signed legal documents whilst lying through his teeth so I don't expect him to try the courts avenue as he works in a position of standing and it could compromise that.  
My dilemma now is that my children have half brothers who also don't know anything about them.  I also question whether his new partner (who was the original affair partner) knows anything about us.  He lied so much to me and my children, he could easily be fooling her. 
Do I put all this out in the open and risk inviting his chaos back into my life and the lives of my kids or do I walk away? I feel so enraged that I want to out him to everyone but then my maternal instincts just want to protect my kids. I'm so confused.

[charlybear7]

Wow what a story! My story is very similar to yours but it was a 7 year relationship, he left out the blue whilst I was pregnant with our 2nd son, an affair was made apparent and they are due their 1st baby in 3wks, only 18 months after the birth of our son!

Honestly I don't know what advice to give you. Have your sons met their half siblings or has your exh kept them separate?x

[yumyummumandme]

They don't know anything about my kids just as we didn't know anything about them. Makes me think he's got them all fooled too.

[yumyummumandme]

Do your kids have any relationship with their half siblings?
There's so much hurt involved.

[charlybear7]

So when did your boys last see their father? How did they take to the news of half siblings? My boys are v young still and their half sibling has yet to be born so they are none the wiser yet! My ex told my eldest who's now 6 that his girlfriend is having a baby after Xmas! Half siblings haven't even been mentioned as far as I'm aware. Total mess!! Yes so much hurt which is inexcusable when children are involved.

[PenguinsandPebbles]

You poor thing what an awful situation to be in. The rug was literally pulled out from underneath you.

I am not surprised you feel confused (and a lot of other emotions) but whilst I'm sure you are feeling a whole world of other emotions you come across as a very strong lady!

At 14 and 10 they do know their own minds about contact (at 10 not so much with an older sibling maybe leading them IMO)

I think you don't have to rush into anything, this man up and left and ignored his children what an arse protecting your children right now after this bombshell is the most important thing. Without court ordered consent you can decide everything for your children and you need to put them first. You don't have to give access, I think it's important for them if they want it, if they don't then I don't think you should force the issue.