Preschooler doesn't want to visit dad

[Starryeyes28]

Looking for some advice, been separated from my kids dad for over a year now and our two kids (1 and 3) go and stay at his two nights a week. Up until recently it's worked really well, but the past month or so my eldest has been moaning and not wanting to go.

It started out just the odd time he'd moan a bit that he didn't want to go but then he'd be quite happy once he got to dad's, or dad arrived to pick him up. But he's been getting more and more reluctant to go. Last weekend dad brought them home and said my son had been crying and wanting to see me all day. So we chatted during the week and said if he didn't want to go for his mid week stay he could stay with me and dad would just take the youngest, and hopefully the break would mean he'd be quite happy to go again by the weekend. So he missed his mid week stay this week.

This weekend comes around and when it's time to go to dad's my sons crying again, doesn't want to go. He goes anyway, and I get a message from their dad again this morning, he's been crying upset wanting me again.

I don't know where to go from here. I've tried talking to my son and asking why he doesn't want to go but he can never tell me. Their dad isn't a bad guy and he's getting quite upset that our son doesn't want to go, but at the same time he says he doesn't want to be forcing him to come if he doesn't want to. I don't want my son to loose his relationship with his dad and am at a bit of a loss on what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated!

[Starlight2345]

It sounds like seperation anxiety....

I would keep sending him..
You could try a call in the middle of the day...Although might make him worse.

Male sure you are very positive about it.. My Ds had it when he was at school..I would say things like it was raining at lunchtime so wondered if you were having wet play, I had a sanwhich for lunch wondered what you had...So he knew I hadn't forgotten about him but I wasn't concerned either..

When my DS went on sleepovers he also took a note with him which said all the things we say at bedtime..Obviously at 3 words would be no help but could you cut out a heart and tell him he is taking heart with him and wants him to fill it with happiness.

Also could Ex let you know something they are doing so you can build it up as something to look forward to..Even if it is a DVD and popcorn..

I imagine tough for all of you but at this age he doesn't get to decide unless you think there is something else going on which it doesn't sound like it does.

[Starryeyes28]

Thanks Starlight, will keep sending him and just be as positive as possible. I did wonder if he'd stop wanting to go during the week as after a day at nursery he's normally shattered, dad's not great with routine either so that could be part of it.

Did speak to dad last night and suggested we took both kids swimming together this weekend (can't really do it on my own anyway) so he at least gets some time with him not moaning.

Just hope it's a phase and it passes

[Starlight2345]

These things usually are phases .. fingers crossed it goes well