Relocation, and new arrival, ex maybe a spanner...

(4 Posts)
Kalmiya Wed 23-Nov-16 20:42:44

OK not sure if this is the right place, however here it goes...

me and ex split 18months+ ago, we went to court this June and it was always said that relocation was on the cards as we moved from london to live on the east coast due to us being evicted from our old place (came with one child, had another when we lived here) so relocating back to london (in with my parents at first) at court he was fine with it, as were court (court order was not needed as we agreed to contact etc) now the ex mil says its not fair on him to come visit down there etc and i said well it can be made up via having time during holidays, skype/facetime and i will set up an email acc for the kids so that he can send things and vice versa. I also said due to me being 20weeks pregnant with my new fiance's baby i would like to be near my parents for support as im going to be having my 3rd csection and this pregnancy is v risky, the hospital is better in london for this bubba and in general the school for the older two (4&2) is classed as outstanding but their current one is only classed as good. my DS was born in that area to begin with anyway.

Now its come to light that we can relocate shortly after xmas, parents have said they will pay for moving van etc, kids are down at new school list for when we move into borough. I am attempting to discuss this with the ex (away from ex mil as she seems to do all the talking for him) and wondering when would be best to tell him? its a month away and was going to offer additional contact once school holidays have started because im not wanting to think its out of spite. its genuinely due to the kids having a brighter future down there, aswell as the new baby with be close to both sets of grandparents (new partners parents are south west coast) so its trying to make things equal for all grandparents, but because its now no longer easy for them they are saying its just not possible, it wont work, well i think it would granted it would take some tweeking.

Eldest (4 nearly 5) says he is looking forward to living with his nanny and going to school with his friends (he will be going to the same school as my siblings did and my mums friends children all still attend) And my partner wishes to go back to uni in plymouth to finish off his final year to get a bachelors degree and didnt want me being left alone up here with 3 kids on my own with no support. Future prospects for all kiddos is much better especially having more childcare (exes family have said they wont look after these grandchildren for me returning to work but looked after ex sils) meaning i too can return to work without having an extra cross to bear financially.

However my new partner is afraid that come boxing day (final contact before moving date) that ex wont give back the kids. Should i offer the xmas eve instead to comfort him knowing that the children should be returned for christmas? (otherwise heads will roll! on my behalf! lol) x

Starlight2345 Wed 23-Nov-16 22:00:58

As this has all been agreed through court I would avoid telling him a specific date..Can you not tell him it is January.. Assuming it is the beginning..

My worry if he refuses to return the kids ..If it is Xmas EVE you will get no legal help over Christmas.

Lunar1 Thu 24-Nov-16 11:48:00

You need to tell him asap, has he definitely agreed to the move? How far away from their dad will you be?

Kalmiya Thu 24-Nov-16 17:24:34

He agreed on record that I could move to London on the first court hearing as planned to move during last 6week hols but that fell through sadly. Door to door via Google maps is 2hrs 20mins but we have done the journey in less (my parents would come and get us to go down to London for Xmas and summer holidays) I have tried contacting him to speak properly since Saturday but he has lost his phone. I've messaged his dad and left a message explained contact and he can have more contact this side of the move and my parents have said him and his parents are always welcome to visit. But the fact I now don't have a means of contact isn't great...

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