How do I stop seeing son as "mine"

(11 Posts)
RolfsBabyGrand Tue 15-Nov-16 22:45:59

I didn't get much support during pregnancy and for first 18 months. Then we separated and 6 months on I get none at all beyond every other weekend (daytime only). I've made every decision about DS life since he was conceived.

Ex is now showing signs of wanting more access (prompted by his new partner I think). I'm having real problems seeing him as an equal parent and it makes me feel sick to think of not seeing DS all the time.

I know it's greedy. I know DS is not a possession. But I'm struggling nevertheless.

Has anyone else experienced this and how can I "let go" a bit??

NewlySkinnyMe Tue 15-Nov-16 22:50:03

You're not seeing him ad yours; you are just taking responsibility for him. I don't think in your circumstances it is about being an equal parent until your ex proves he can be as responsible as your. But that will take trust on your part.

RolfsBabyGrand Tue 15-Nov-16 22:53:56

There is no trust. He cheated and has lied ever since. I think that's a big factor in my nervousness, he tells me what he thinks I want to hear. So if DS was upset when staying with him I would never find out.

BestZebbie Tue 15-Nov-16 22:59:02

How is your relationship with your son's grandparents on that side? Would being close to them yourself perhaps help you feel less anxious about DS being with your partner - you'd have another contact on that side, as it were?

Hissy Tue 15-Nov-16 23:01:45

In my view, he shirked the job when it suited him, therefore he'll never be an equal parent, he dropped the ball.

SpunBodgeSquarepants Tue 15-Nov-16 23:01:46

No advice but following as I could have written your OP. Makes me ill to think if something happened to me then my ex may well get full custody of my DS.

RolfsBabyGrand Tue 15-Nov-16 23:03:27

They live abroad and somewhat bizarrely have cut me out of their lives. We did get in and would email/exchange presents for birthdays. Now a wall of silence. I suspect he has lied about who cheated on who. This is the root of it. I feel like hus lying is a sign of mental health problems, it's constant.

RolfsBabyGrand Tue 15-Nov-16 23:04:27

^referring to his parents, thread moved on!

RolfsBabyGrand Tue 15-Nov-16 23:07:01

spun awful isn't it. I've considered doing a will where I plead with him to give custody to my friends if I die :-(

Starlight2345 Thu 17-Nov-16 21:22:43

A few things...You will always know your DS best.. He will not have the bond you have...

New GF often seems to be a precursor to increased contact so I would ignore until he makes a specific request..

I made a will leaving my DS to friend and was advised to put in a letter explaining my reasons..That way at least if I do die the court would hear my opinion if contested...However my Ex doesn't see DS

Lunar1 Sat 19-Nov-16 12:54:01

He isn't an equal parent yet. He may become one, but that requires years not weeks. He may just be trying to show a new girlfriend he isn't a twat that shirked his responsibilities. I'm sure you will know if the time ever becomes right for him to be an equal parent.

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