Telling the kids...

[emski1972]

So I'm looking for some words of wisdom here...
The Ex has been sleeping in the sofa for 6 months. I've paid him 75k (in mid September)of equity bought him out and asked him to leave when my mum returns from Oz. She comes back next week I suggested he move out 1st Nov. Firstly it looks like he's going nowhere but anyway my plan is to sit down together with the kids 4&6 and tell them Daddy is going to live somewhere else. Any suggestions of how to break the news?
I'm pissed off thar he hasn't sorted anywhere to live so can't say look here is Daddy's lovely new flat.. he basically refused to get a job and is working part time in minimum wage...

[emski1972]

Really none of you have any thoughts about to break the news....

[romanrainsalot]

Don't know where you are located in the country, but have you tried Relate, Family Lives or Gingerbread?

Sorry you are having to do this. I would try and keep your frustrations out of it if you can. He's still their Dad and I don't think kids that age would be so fussed about his new accommodation. Friends who have had similar scenarios faced questions such as "Do you still love him/he still love you?" "Do you still love us?" "what if you decide you don't anymore?" "Will you walk out too?" "when can we see Dad?" that sort of thing.

[nicenewdusters]

It sounds like you've already thought of the basics, such as telling them together. If he's been sleeping on the sofa do they already know that something's changed? If you are different towards each other have they picked up on that?

I think you can still tell them that mum and dad are not going to be together any more even if he's not moved out. You could say that dad is looking for somewhere new, talk it up as a new place for them to visit, have some of their own stuff there etc.

Really important to keep stressing that they are not part of the split. They're very young, and you may get some very random questions asked of you. I would recommend short, to the point statements. Try and emphasise how much will stay the same: where they now live, current school, same friends, all family still the same, still see dad regularly.

Don't try and pretend it's not sad, that you're not sad, and make sure they know it's ok to be sad. Basically it'll be tough, whatever you say, but try and be calm, factual and reassuring. Good luck.

[emski1972]

Thanks both its just what I thought.. so just keep it at a level they can understand. Been trying to keep calm and not get stressed out because he won't leave so there is no high drama screaming and shouting..just me living in a constant state of irritation. That's unhealthy...
Planning on telling them together anyway and deciding what to say...would like it to be sooner so my lodger removes himself from the sofa.. They don't seem to really worry/care he's on the sofa. I travel a bit for work so frankly we might have as well have the same life in seperate houses with happier parents.

[nicenewdusters]

Sooner rather than later sounds good. Just because he can't/won't get his act together you shouldn't be feeling irritated all the time. Constantly trying to be calm and collected isn't good for you either.

No age is a good age for this to happen to children. Mine were a bit older. I think at 4 and 6 it's just the practical stuff they'll need to know. I noticed everything else came later, so just addressed it as it arose.