Don't judge me I'm trying

[user1476118162]

Hi all,

I would like to tell you a bit about myself so you can get the full picture.

I've rough slept been assaulted you name it I've experienced it I got married at 17 gave birth at 19. Thought this could be a turning point to be the best parent I never had, I went through DV and my whole life came crashing down. I always bottled up everything and never really talked aloud about my experiences. I tried to end my life in 2013 and almost did in August 2016 after I was raped for the umpteenth time. I have never really been the best of mum I live with my family and they sort of bulldozed me when I was trying to raise her and when I stopped trying betrayed me.
I've been chronically depressed and unable to connect with my child who is almost 8. I am now 27. I've lost my sister to suicide who was my rock. And am so lost I don't know what to do. I was considering putting my daughter in care cause this household is unhealthy and I'm a horrible mum. I'm so lost and in too much pain. I'm so angry at my sister for quitting on me and leaving me in pieces but then again how do you fix something that's shattered beyond repair?

[jollo]

You've been through an awful lot. You have to ask for help to enable you to be a good mum. You need a bit of topping up yourself first. Does your child's school have a parent support advisor you could chat to? They might be able to put you in touch with some support. Please ask for help tomorrow. Good luck x

[jojosprules]

I truly am sorry you haven't had the life everyone deserves. I had issues with addiction when I found out I was pregnant. The local children centre and social services put me in touch with all the local services that I can honestly say have changed my life wholesale. I never found being a mum as natural as I had spent the last 10 years in a selfish bubble. I know my situation is A LOT different to yours however I really feel that a family worker may help. They aren't social workers they are literally just there to support you in whatever way you need. I hope this helps. Please let me know if you ever want to talk! X

[user1476118162]

Thank you for not putting me down. I know I'm not in the best place to be a mum and my heart is breaking but I am honestly thinking of putting her up for fostering till I can sort myself out.

[user1476118162]

That's the word a selfish bubble everyone around me has an opinion but no one is trying to help. On top of losing my sister I don't think I can handle everything I'm honestly so bombarded with everything before my sister killed my self I was on edge and thinking of doing it my self I had attempted to do it before but thought not too after I saw them all but now I truly think why not at least I'd be in peace and but all that stops me is my daughter but I truly think putting her in care is better then her being with this family

[user1476118162]

I have never felt so isolated then right now

[bluebell34567]

so sorry for your situation user1476118162. :(
I think your family is not helpful to you, maybe the opposite they are upsetting, hurting you.
is it possible that you and your daughter have your own place?
you have been through a lot, hurt both physical and mentally. you need help to recover. could you go to your gp so that they can arrange some therapy for you?
girls at that age can be difficult, too, bear that in your mind as well.
wish you all the best.

[user1476118162]

I don't how I would go about to be housed to be honest I don't think I would be much good if we were on our own. It's been so long since we've ever had to. I'm scared of involving social workers cause to be honest I'd rather give her up instead of her being taken away from me

[jojosprules]

I promise you I was so scared of social workers as due to my drug problems I thought they'd take my gorgeous little girl as soon as she came out but they didn't. Instead they helped me in anyway they could because their aim is to keep families together despite the bad reputation they have. Also as I said find your local children centre and ask for a family worker as again they will help you with any issues that you're currently working through like losing your sister in such a traumatic way, housing, benefits etc. Please please don't give up on being a mum as I'm sure you're so much better than you give yourself credit for. Again if you ever want to talk on the phone I'm happy to listen and help if I can. If you want I'll private message you my number. Xxx