Debating on a second Round Of Donor Embryo IVF

[Conniegirl]

Will try and keep this brief! I registered on this site in September 2014 when I was undergoing my first round of IVF. I am single, I was 40 at the time and I was using donor eggs and donor sperm. I felt as though I had won the lottery when my first cycle was successful and I went onto deliver my longed for daugher Indigo on the 22nd June 2015. She is now just over 14 months old and the absolute centre of my life, I love her to bits. When she was conceived, there were 3 embryos. I had 2 embryos implanted and one took which was her. The 3rd embryo was not dividing as it should have been and I was told that it probably was no good at all. 2 days after Embro Transfer I had a call from the clinic to say that it had started dividing so I took the decision to have it cryopreserved in the event that the first IVF failed. Last October I paid a fee of £200 to have the embryo remaining frozen for another year as I could not bear the thought of A) Having it destroyed, B) Donating for medical research or C) Donating to another couple/woman. Here I am a year later and I don't feel any differently! I was quite firm when I used to say I only wanted one child. However, because it is a donated embryo and conceived via donor sperm, it is THE only possible full blood relative my daughter has got any chance of having. The funny thing is I am not interested in having a second child using my own eggs! (Low AMH anyway) - Every time I think of that embryo I feel as though if I had it destroyed it's almost like having an abortion as it's already been fertilised. My Mum says "you lose eggs every month with your period" but it's nothing like the same in my head. I gave Indigo the chance at life and feel I should give this embryo a chance of life too. I rang the clinic last week and they told me that the embryo was frozen as an 8 cell embryo and is a grade 2.4 - It is viable. Yes I am now 42 however I am fit as a fiddle and don't see that as a problem. The problem more lies with the fact that I live in a small 2 bed rented house and I am currently not working. I worry about silly things like fitting 2 car seats and my dog into a car (I don't drive so I am basing this on when I get picked up to go somewhere) and where would I put a second child's clothes, carrycot etc as well as Indigo's ever growing collection of toys! 3 months ago I was not even in a position to contemplate having a SET using this embryo as it costs £900 and I didn't have the money, however, after a recent tax rebate and PPI refund I can now afford it. Yes I could put that money towards things for Indigo but I KNOW that if I let that embryo go I will regret it for the rest of my life and if I have a failed round of IVF with it at least I'd have tried. I know my family will probably be dead against it, telling me to count my blessings and stick at one. I can't afford it etc etc. Would love to know your thoughts.