Don't know what to do 😞

[HeardItAll]

This is long but please bear with me

Me and my exp are back up in court soon for contact. He started off saying he wanted 50/50 shared parenting ie dcs live with us equally which was never gonna happen and now hes gone down to having them stay over at his house one night a week. For a bit of history I left him because of his abusive behaviour towards me and dcs. When I was with him he wasn't very involved in the general upbringing and would leave it all to me.

He now sees the dcs on a Saturday for a few hours and in this time he has no clue what hes doing imo. He clearly favours my dd over her younger brother. He always brings her new toys etc and ds gets nothing (hes only 3 so I don't think he notices). Hes just bought her a new bike!! When dcs r with him he doesn't feed them properly just lets them eat sweets/crisps/chocolate and give them all tins of coke to drink. Before youngest was porry trained he wouldn't change his nappy and ds came home to me once in a nappy full of poo that had been on so long his wee legs and bum were red raw and he could hardly walk

My problem is that I don't want to give him overnights yet until he can prove he is committed to the time he already has. He regularly shows up late or the next day because of 'work' (I know he doesnt work and I think hes just hungover and cant be arsed dealing with dcs)

I have to go into hospital soon for an operation and will be in for 2 nights at least and I have absolutely no one else to look after the dcs when I'm in so I'm seriously considering letting exp have them even though its going to be even more heartache. I have no family near me who can have them when I'm in hospital.

Sorry for the long post

[SharonfromEON]

Ok a few things...

Have you spoke to HV about this.. It is important to get it documented..

I also would say you need to be very wary of allowing him to have your ds...You can't go to court and say it is ok sometimes and not others...

Again speak to HV about this.

[HeardItAll]

Thanks for replying

I haven't spoken to HV but everything that happens I tell my solicitor who documents it

I understand what you're saying but I just feel that hes going to eventually get overnights whether i like it or not so im trying to be the bigger person and show courts etc that I'm willing to be reasonable

[SharonfromEON]

You are doing the right think telling sols however you do need medical professionals..

I went to court wit my Ex and CAFCASS only deal in evidence... So your sols is simply your word against your ex

I think I would look at other options for your own peace of mind and also although you are right he will eventually get overnights in this case the older the better.. The courts will look on it is you can leave for 2 nights when it suits you then it is just spite to say the can only do it on your terms when it suits you.