Ex favouring one child over the other

(1 Post)
notagainnellie Mon 08-Aug-16 19:46:11

During term time we share care about 60% to me, and broadly speaking it has gone ok (this is the first year we have done it, been separated for2). As I'm a teacher, I'm off over the summer and at mediation we went through each week and decided where the dc would be. I ended up in tears because I wanted to have between 60-70% in my favour as the holidays enable me to spend better quality time with the dc than is possible in term time, and I went back to work f/t when they were babies with the idea that the holidays would make up for that 'lost time' - he was sahd. However, ex was adamant that it had to be 50/50 and I couldn't have it all my own way. We finally settled on me having them slightly more but not as much as I really wanted, though I did see his point but was just upset about it all.

We are in week 3 now and he has had them for a fraction of the time we agreed. He was supposed to be having this as the week when he had them for the entire week, but he said he 'would let me know' when he could see them this week when I asked on Saturday. I know his sister ha been in hospital but she's not now and he has a responsibility to his kids.

He has taken ds1 to 4 cricket matches over the last 2 weeks, a couple of which have been late so he has had him overnight on those days as well. Today is the latest one. He has done nothing with ds2 to make up for this, and has still not confirmed when he will next have them both overnight. Ds2 has obviously noticed this inequality and keeps asking when he is going to his dad's and I just don't know what to tell him. I told him that ex's sister is poorly and needs some help at home but ds1 then piped up that she went to the test match with them and was fine. She's not fine, she has a long-term condition, and must have been having a good day then, but I just felt awful for ds2. Ex dropped Ds1 off at lunchtime on Sat after the test match they had been to on Friday and I told him that ds2 was asking about spending time with him. He looked bad, but left shortly after. He could at least have taken him to the fucking park for an hour for a fucking ice cream surely.

Now today he has picked ds1 up again for another fucking cricket match and mumbled something to ds2 about missing him but still no arrangements made. I could kill him. Ds2 was subdued all afternoon after he left. How could he do this to him?

I also need some time to work over the summer, and it doesn't look like I'll be getting any. I love having them and this is what I wanted in a way, but not like this with no idea of what's going to happen and no ability to make plans for myself. Most importantly, I hate to see ds2 hurt and I do need a break now and again as I have very little support here. It also doesn't help with ds1 as all he has done lately with his dad is go to cricket matches, while I am boring mum who nags about music practice, room tidying etc. We have also done lots nice stuff, or so I thought, but today he told me I am selfish and have only done three nice things with him since the holiday began! I feel like the set up with his dad isn't helping his attitude atm.

Sorry this is an incoherent ramble - just venting really, but I don't know how to handle it. I have let ex know how ds2 feels, so I suppose it's up to him now, but I feel I should send another text or something.

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