child maintenance and ex's savings

[barkingtree]

My ex has huge savings and lives off them. (think nearly half a million) He has shared care 50/50 of our child but , aside from feeding him when he's there, refuses to pay anything else for him for the past 4 years. I.e I buy all clothes, shoes, uniform, pay for after school classes, school trips, even send PJ's and toothbrush round there with him . Can the child maintenance service get me any help even if it's 50/50 care and he doesn't have a job?? Have just spoken to child maintenance options helpline and they seem unable to answer this and say I'd need to put in an application to find out if they'd count his savings as income or if they'd ever give anything to one parent if it is completely shared care. I would like to find out if it's completely out of the question before I put in an application as due to domestic abuse I don't want to anger the ex unnecessarily as he will go on a rampage.

[barkingtree]

Oh and by the way I have NO savings (lots of debts) and am self employed on a very low income and get CTC and WTC and CHB

[wonkylines]

If it is 50/50 care based on overnights there won't be any maintenance due.

[Iamnotloobrushphobic]

If you have shared care and he doesn't work then u think it will be really difficult to get any maintenance from him. Do you have to pay for childcare?

[PersianCatLady]

Were you married or just partners?

[barkingtree]

We were married.
The child maintenance options spoke of a possible "Variation" Not sure what that meant. But sounded like maybe him with lots of savings and me with no savings might mean I can get some help, even if it is 50/50 care. But my gut instinct tells me it'll not be poss to get anything.
I don't have to pay for childcare as such but his school has small fees to pay (less than half of most private schools) but he's refusing to contribute to that too.

[Iamnotloobrushphobic]

If you can't afford the school fees then you will need to move your child to state school unless you have a legal agreement stating that your ex is supposed to pay the fees. If you are struggling with debt then paying school fees is an unnecessary expense (and I say that as somebody who has paid top up fees with a bursary place on a low income). Food, shelter and clothing are the priorities.

[barkingtree]

I am receiving the Chid benefit. If I did;t send them round DS would just go without whilst there. (Used to share his Dad's toothbrush!!) And he's sent him to school before in clothes several sizes too small for him as he still has aged 6 clothes he's had since he moved out and took a pile. So he;s got me over a barrel- provide for DS or DS suffers. Nice

[DoinItFine]

If it is genuinely 50-50 care, then half the costs would be met by his father.

What you have here is neglect.

[DoinItFine]

Send your son around EOW and claim maintenence.

Stop allowing this prick to neglect his child at your expense.

[barkingtree]

The school allows me to apply for a bursery this year or do work in kind. (Think small hippy school) DS only started there last year. It was a nice small, gentle nurturing place for a kid who's struggling emotionally so I'm gonna do all I can to keep him there as he was losing the plot until we moved him.

[barkingtree]

What is EOW? Yes it is neglect. We've had a Child in need referral to children services. Waiting to hear from them. Or I'll get in touch myself if I;ve not heard by end of hols.

[barkingtree]

Dad agreed the school move. DS 11

[DoinItFine]

Of course you can cut contact.

You are the child's only competent parent.

No wonder he's struggling emotionally if he's having to spend half his time with an unfit father.

Put an end to this fiction and put an arrangement in place that reflects reality.

[DoinItFine]

If he's 11, then he will get a say.

What does he want?

[ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam]

.

[barkingtree]

Hopefully social services will help. I don't really want to go into all the ins and outs, though I appreciate all the advice. I have tried MANY routes. The finances are the least of my worries really but it would help if he contributed.

[ImperialBlether]

Would your son be happier going there less frequently?

How come you left the marriage with debts and he left with bags of money?

[PersianCatLady]

We were married.
Please don't answer if you don't want to - How come the assets weren't split more fairly following the divorce?

[SharonfromEON]

What does your DS want?