My children are meeting my exs new partner

(15 Posts)
Louw12345 Fri 22-Jul-16 22:50:20

Ohh I'm so worried abit this. I'm still abit annoyed with how the ex trested our children after the split. He stopping seeing them for 8 months; he got a new girlfriend and partied with her.
I want my kids to be happy and I want them to get on with her.
But I don't think I'm ready for the Ohh ......said this and .....said that ooohhh she does that's this she does that.
How do I deal with this situation?

user1467007852 Fri 22-Jul-16 22:55:11

Have you met her? Why did he stop seeing them? How's your relationship with him now? Have you met someone else. Sorry for all the questions I'm just trying to see how the land lies I'm going through something similar myself xx

Louw12345 Fri 22-Jul-16 23:26:22

No iv never met her. He stopped seeing them on his own choice. I think it's coz he got with her she's 21 and he can live his life (drugs and beer). I brought it up in mediation but he said it had nothing to do with her. He was just being selfish. He actually changed his number which I think was down to her. I been told lots about her and their relationship which I don't want to bring up as I feel like it's people saying stiff and not actual facts.
Since mediation we get on good.
No I haven't met anyone yet as I worry the kids will think i will do what dad did. It's hard.

user1467007852 Sat 23-Jul-16 16:23:39

what are your actual worries about this women? is she responsible? Will she be a good influence?

Louw12345 Sat 23-Jul-16 16:35:50

I don't know anything about her other then what iv heard off other people from what they have seen on a night out. A good friend of hers had said that she is no longer friends wit her coz all she wants to do is get drugged up. A mate of mine said that she was out once and she was a mess.
I don't think it's to do with her being responsible because their dad will be there. Maybe its I know nothing about her only bad. She has no children either so a little worried with how she will be with them there 4 children all girls. She's 21

Louw12345 Sat 23-Jul-16 16:40:36

I worry coz I know if they all don't get on their dad won't really see them.

user1467007852 Sat 23-Jul-16 16:54:20

Can you meet her with the kids? See for yourself? Is that an option? If your relationships good with your ex can you talk about your worries with him first, then meet her? See what you think? If they are not living together does she need to meet them yet? Will she be there when he has them? I'd meet her first

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 23-Jul-16 16:59:27

Frankly, their Dad not seeing them doesn't sound that bad an idea. If he can ignore them for 8 months, prefers drinking, drugs & partying I'd rather he didn't see them, especially not overnights.

user1467007852 Sat 23-Jul-16 16:59:40

I'm 36 I have a good relationship with my ex and he's told me he is taking a 25 year old on a date. I feel a bit insecure too about his next partner and what she will be like as she's younger and I worry too what my DD will make of her and compare. But so long as whoever he is with is responsible with my DD and puts her first that's the main thing. I'd never allow anyone in her life who was a bad influence and he knows that and agrees. Same with him for me.

Louw12345 Sat 23-Jul-16 21:24:26

I know this but my kids miss him.

Louw12345 Sat 23-Jul-16 21:27:49

His gf messaged me to say thank you for letting the kids come to the house. And that she's really looking forward to it. I not sure how to take it. As iv had no communication with her. But I guess she's done the right thing to open communicaton up with me

SharonfromEON Sat 23-Jul-16 21:38:02

The hardest part of all this is that you have to let your kids get hurt if they are going to be...Any decent parent would not let another partner come between them and their child. It is up to him not to screw it up.. Sadly all you can do is pick up the pieces if you have to.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 23-Jul-16 22:17:07

Well, it appears she's half decent anyway. She's at least saying the right things, which is an improvement over her whining to your ex about why they have to have the kids there...she might be a GOOD influence over your fuckwit ex.

It's hard but hopefully she'll enjoy having them & they'll like her.

You're their Mum, it's not going to change how they feel about you 💐

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 24-Jul-16 14:14:45

Her being keen to meet them is a good sign that hopefully she's planning on sticking around. As long as your ex doesn't expect her to look after them instead of him, I'm sure she'll be fine.

It will go one of two ways - either your girls will love her and yes, you'll end up hearing about all the nice things they've done together (you'll get used to it, try to be thankful they are happy!). OR the stress of being around her boyfriend's 4 DCs will be too much for her and she'll either dump him or stay away when he has them round. Wait and see which it is before worrying too much. flowers

Louw12345 Mon 25-Jul-16 11:45:31

She's has met them apart from one separatly against me. Because he didn't see them for so long. But he said he didn't like to be told what to do.
Tbh she had 8 month to be a good influence on him. I think she started putting the effort in and making him get involved with his kids coz I mesaged and said sInce he's been with you he hasn't seen his kids. Then I got weekly texts about him seeing them. But I had already asked him to go through mediation as it is not fair that the kids are picked up and dropped when he feels like it. After 2 months it was me that went to mediation.
I do hope my kids are happy their and I also don't want her to be doing everything for them. There his kids. Helping is ok but he's the parent.

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