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DDs Overnight Contact with their Father - bad!

20 replies

SoulSista85 · 07/07/2016 22:31

Hi.
Sorry if this is same or similar to any existing threads.

My dd's have alternate weekends with their Dad since the court order was served back in November last year, for child contact arrangement.

We split 3 years ago now and they are 7 and 4. It was a split spurned from DV, worsened by him stalking and harassing me which resulted in a restraining order between he and I which is over in two weeks to give yout a little context.

Naturally it gets messier than that, but to bring this to present day and what is happening right now:

During their stays with him, they are being forced to sleep in inadequate beds: our 7 year old is in a toddler bed and our 4 year old is in a cot. Either that or he is co sleeping with them in his bed when he has two couches to sleep on himself and plenty of spare duvets. This concerns me greatly.

There's more: he sleeps in until late in the morning and our dds frequently get left to their own devices, plonked in front of the TV and don't get breakfast or even supervision until near lunchtime. Other than that he feeds them pizza, pizza, takeaways, more pizza and frequently sends them back on a Sunday afternoon famished and tired. It transpires that most Sundays he can't be arsed to feed them lunch, bearing in mind I pick them up at 3pm.

That's not the worst, but we're getting there: when our dds return to me from him, they smell. When I say smell, I mean it literally stinks as if someone has emptied an ashtray into their hair. They frequently tell me that he has no toiletries there for them and often doesn't bother to facilitate, supervise and ensure that their personal hygiene is attended to.

Our 4 year old has been nappy free for a good few months now, using the toilet both day and night and he insists on putting her back in nappies on his weekends, which is hindering her progress at this crucial time as she prepares to start school in September. All because he can't be arsed to get up at night and help her to the toilet. From a selfish standing point, I'm getting sick and tired of having to retrain her every time she comes back from his and the preschool have also noticed that her accidents are becoming more frequent and note that this is usually following a weekend with him.

Not to mention the fact that his place is absolutely filthy, he doesn't bother to make sure that their stay is a pleasant experience and they are getting increasingly anxious every time they are due to go. 7 year old tells me she doesn't want to go and 4 year old tells me she is scared of him.

I'll elaborate: during their last stay there was an incident where his rough "play" resulted in two bruised wrists for our four year old.

Without meaning to sound like a bitch: he's never had any interest in actually caring for our dd's. Without a shadow of a doubt, he dragged me through court because his witch mother was in his ear about it and I'm certain he thought the whole "shared care" scenario would relieve him of the obligation of supporting them financially, which he always manages to avoid in fairness.

I've had it. It kills me hearing all this from our dd's who are rapidly becoming confused, aggravated and generally upset by the whole situation. I've attempted numerous times now to keep an open proactive parental dialogue but he ignores me and continues to neglect them.

I have been documenting everything over time and the school have noted that this is a safeguarding issue and I will be in touch with the social services in a bid to withdraw the overnight arrangement in exchange for supervised contact and not at his place.

He's meant to be having them this weekend, but my plan is to get the girls myself, safely back home as because of the restraining order, he can not come near our home.

This is 8 days a month where our children are malnourished, largely unsupervised, not sleeping, uncomfortable and not looked after. This is neglect. The only reason I send them is because the law has told me to. What else can I do?

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crazybat · 07/07/2016 22:40

I would apply to the courts if you can for something that can amend your current set up. If your child has used the phrase I'm scared this will be taken into account. While you are there see if you can get an extension on your restraining order? X give women's aid or rights for women a call and see what they suggest. And in the meantime give your concerns to children's services. They can intervene if they think they are in danger. Good luck