Do you think I can do it on my own?

(9 Posts)
SmallestActOfLove Wed 22-Jun-16 23:22:06

I left my abusive ex five months ago, since then myself (25) and ds (10mo) have been living with my parents. I've been pondering for a while and decided it's time to look for somewhere to live and build a home for myself and ds. I've got a viewing booked for tomorrow and it looks like the perfect little place for us. Now it's so close I'm panicking if I like it then il apply and then if I pass we will live there, just me and ds. I'm somewhat excited at the prospect of having a place to call home, but also scared because il be by myself.

I'm an introvert, I don't have any friends I regularly see and speak to. I seem happy to just keep myself indoors and avoid people. I don't want that for ds, I want him to grow up happy confident and outgoing, and I want to make him proud because so far I just feel useless because I've been unable to put the roof above ds's head. His dad's actions were unforgivable and it's up to me to give him a stable upbringing, I have in my head that if I move out I will be forced to do things and forced out of my comfort zone, which will lead to something positive because I will feel better after getting over all the initial anxiety that holds me back. Part of me is worried that I could move and then realise I can't do it on my own, turn in to a mess that crys when ds is asleep and puts on a brave face in the day. Since my ex I'm wary of people and there intentions, I'm scared to get to know people and scared that id be vulnerable on my own and unsafe should my ex find out where I've moved. I don't know if that means I'm not ready to move or if it's normal or paranoia after the horrible relationship I had, I don't want to feel scared or useless or unhappy anymore, it doesn't seem fair that we suffer because of my exs actions and we have nowhere to call home, I just want to live a normal life, I want to give ds all the things he deserves.

I don't sound ready but are you ever prepared? How long does it take to adjust to single parenthood?

FreeFromHarm Wed 22-Jun-16 23:28:08

OP, take it a day at a time and do not to be hard on yourself, I escaped to, no friends here, miles from home, but gradually day by day you will gain your strength and confidence, plenty of help with the local council out there ok , you have taken a huge step to being free , be proud in the knowledge that you can do this x

princessmi12 Wed 22-Jun-16 23:34:06

I think you never are ready, you just do it and get adjusted to what life throws at you.
You don't have to change the way you live your life for ds
When he's bit older and goes to nursery and school he'll be able to make contacts and be as extraverted as possible, if that's his nature .it comes naturally for extraverts.
Also it gets better ,with time. I'd say maybe a year? It's natural to feel anxiety but your new life doesn't have to be difficult. A more positive mindset would really help. You might have really exciting times ahead and look back ,thinking deciding to move was the best grown up decision you made!

cocochanel21 Thu 23-Jun-16 00:12:43

When I had Dd1 I was a single parent from the beginning.
At 18 Dd was 3 we moved into a flat, for the last 3YEARS we had lived with my parents. At first it did take time to get used to living alone for both of us.

It was actually the making of me it gave me confidence to be the best mum I could to dd. When she started nursery I got a part-time job.
Looking back some of my happiest times were just the two of us all those years ago. I was a single parent for 13years.
It's natural to feel you can't do it (so did i) and I was a lot younger than yougrin.
Believe me you can.
Good luck to you both in your new homeflowers.

Pixiedustandluck Thu 23-Jun-16 22:52:29

OP, I recently became a single parent also. I'm 26 and have an 11month old dd. Before this is lived in an apartment with dd's father.
I completely understand where your coming from as when me and my ex got together I became an introvert also as it was a completely different town and to be completely honest with you I'm abit of a loner and bookworm. Which doesn't really leave any place for making friends.

Moving in to my own home with my dd was one of the hardest things I've had to do, it pushed all my boundaries, but it was also one of the greatest things, I know have a great support team as family are near by and attend baby classes (this way I meet new people but don't feel obliged to "hang out" in my personally time) it's also great for my dd as she has an amazing time at the classes. Such for classes near you.

You should be very proud of yourself for leaving your ex, don't panic so much. You're doing great, if you ever need to speak feel free to pm me. Wishing you lots of luck flowers

Kent1982 Fri 24-Jun-16 07:24:56

I understand the introvert things, I'm moving into my own house tomorrow too so plenty in common. It's stressful. Don't feel sad for worrying and being teary it's a massive life change so forgive yourself.

I lived independently for 10 years, moved in with ex had baby, now moving out. Now I know I can run a house and everything but this has been weeks monthes of tears and stress and laying in bed at night not being able to sleep. So I totally get where your coming from. Try and forgive yourself when you get upset try and think something like I'm sad because this is a stressful time, I'm worried because it's normal to worry. But don't let it over come you. Go see the house see how it makes you feel

SoupDragon Fri 24-Jun-16 07:33:07

Yes, you can do it smile

It might be tough at first but take each day as a new day and go for it. Having s child helps with the introvert thing - I am very shy and more often than not prefer my own company but having children forced me to speak to people, and go to play groups etc. Because I was doing it for my children, not me, it made it a little easier as it was important.

I don't think it's possible to say when you adjust to single parenthood as it is a gradual process. You get used to doing stuff to your own schedule. It is tough sometimes but not all the time smile

Hislopssloppyseconds Fri 24-Jun-16 07:41:23

Yes, yes,yes. Absolutely - you will be able to and Im sure you will not regret it.

I was forced into that decision literally overnight, I felt like my whole world had caved in but I was pregnant and needed to put one foot in front of the other, albeit baby steps for myself. Eat/drink/sleep.

I only had colleages at work to talk to, no family.

Slowly but surely you blossom into something you never thought capable.

Enjoy your future, plan ahead, even if its painting a room, putting £10 a month away towards a break away with the children, or a day on the beach.

I will stop rambling smile

1indsay Sat 25-Jun-16 20:37:25

You absolutely can- it's going to be an opportunity to see just how incredibly strong you are.

Be kind to yourself. Take it easy, don't force yourself to socialise if you don't feel comfortable. Being a mum is tiring at the best of times. My son's father was emotionally manipulative, nasty etc and when he left it gave me the space to slowly kind of...reclaim my identity or something. To realise I didn't deserve to be treated that way, and actually that I'm pretty damn cool smile you sound like a total badass too, whether you realise it or not! Btw, I'm 25, my son is 13months, and I've had a lot of help from my mum in the past too. Stepping out on my own really gave me a lot of confidence.

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