Struggling

[housewifedesperate]

Hi, I don't really know why I'm posting apart from the fact that I need to do something other than have scary thoughts.
I'm fed up with my life and I'm fed up of feeling the 'victim'
I'm a lone parent to 2 teenage girls and it's bloody hard. They're rude and don't respect or appreciate anything I do. Their father left me over a year ago and sees them about an hour a week. I'm facing a life where I can't have a proper social life and appear to be stuck in a house with 2 people who appear to hate me.
I'm stuck in limbo because my exh is stalling every aspect of our divorce and I'm really not sure why (suspect it's because he wants to make it as difficult and psychologically hard for me as possible)
It's working and I'm having more and more thoughts of wanting to run away.
I try to remain positive but it just seems to be getting worse.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

As the Mum of a preteen who can be rude and disrespectful you need to come down on this behaviour like a ton of bricks. Sit them down explain that this is the behaviour you expect and what they are required to do in the house. My preteen makes dinner one night a week, sets and clears the table and does the drying up. We are moving on to ironing her own school uniform. All of this I grew up doing in a two parent household so I don't see any of it as unreasonable.
Do your side of the divorce as you get to it, ignore him and let him knock himself out.
I found getting a new hobby ( I sing in a choir) and making new friends really helpful. I also helped my DD to see that I treated myself with respect and took time for myself.

[housewifedesperate]

Thank you so much for your reply.
Of course you're right about telling them what I expect of them. My relationship break up was so awful for myself and the girls that discipline and related aspects just went out of the window for a while as we were just struggling to survive. That doesn't mean to say it has to go forever though.
I never thought I'd say this and sound so much like my mother but the way children speak and act with their peers, teachers and adults is awful. I pulled my 16 year old up on it this morning and she just said that's how she speaks to people and indeed how all her friends communicate!

[BlackeyedSusan]

I think you are feeling it worse as a lot of your reserves are being taken up with dealing with the divorce, also you are doing it without the support of another parent. they are probably feeling more stroppy as they are dealing with the divorce... I suppose that is to be expected. just do the best you can with withing the circumstances you have got. that is all anyone can do. don't be too hard on yourself and compare your teens with others. I bet there is a lot more stress going on inside peoples homes that is not visible from the outside.

I have an autistic child who does a really good impression of a really stroppy teen. called me a stupid mother in the library today. it is tough. dreading his teen years. and my menopause you are not alone in having stroppy kids.

[starry0ne]

My DS is 9 so I am not at your age..I do have my DS though push his luck at times..

I would say 2 things sometimes we get so locked in a battle( both stubborn) that we have to almost go and reconnect.

The other thing I do also say to my Ds is we are a team and if you want to be part of that team . you have to do your bit.

My friend with a teen...Had a house meeting the other day as she was fed up

It may well be worth also posting in teens ..some of what you describe sounds very normal teen and may get more ideas

[Flowerpower41]

I don't see why you can't go out once they are teenagers it isn't breaking the law!

They might prefer you to give them a bit of breathing space and you can always ring home and check they are still there while you are out.