Realising ds father doesn't want to know

(5 Posts)
Tiredofsummer Fri 17-Jun-16 17:58:36

Going to have to be quite vague as this could out me, today I made some phone calls to get in touch with ds dad he hasn't seen him in 18 months. We were together 4 years before ds but he hasn't been a father to him at all since he was born I managed to get a phone call from him but as usual he says he misses me and talks about himself, I feel so helpless about the situation I want ds to have some contact and know who his father is but his dad is really not intrested he says he will come down next week but the truth is he probably won't I haven't had a penny off him neither.

I just feel so sad for ds that his father is such a water of space and The fact I cannot make him be a good dad. Any advise?

starry0ne Fri 17-Jun-16 20:00:56

Reality is you can't.
One thing you cannot change is other people the only thing you can do is change how you respond to it.

Get in touch with the CMS if you are not getting maintenance and leave the ball in his court.

My ds hasn't seen his dad in 6 years...Once I got over he wasn't going to be the parent I wanted I found supporting my DS issue with not having a dad were much easier..

Tiredofsummer Sat 18-Jun-16 12:46:12

Thank you for you reply I guess it's just still hard to stomach, to be honest the only reason I decided to make contact was because I thought maybe ex feels to much time had passed and he couldn't but I guess we live and learn my ds is only young so he doesn't understand yet but I know it's only a matter of time before he does. At least I can say I have tried.

starry0ne Sat 18-Jun-16 22:34:56

I can completely understand how you feel..I felt like it was a complete kick in the stomach every time My Ds's dad rejected him..

I learnt not to try and understand why .. It is beyond you comprehension..

I did chase ..I am happy when my DS is older I know I can honestly say I tried to make it work..I can't make my Ex be a dad...So better to focus on me doing the job of parenting him so he feels secure..

I know people whose children have never been bothered or asked questions.. Mine asked lots but by about 7 seems relatively settled with it.. He is not 9 and knows how much he is loved by those around him

MsWazowski Sat 18-Jun-16 22:52:09

I agree with Starry, my DD is now 17, she's not met her father. He made it clear that he wasn't interested as soon as he knew I was pregnant.

I've always been honest, in an age appropriate way, with her.

I've not really said anything against him, she can make her own mind up about that, but started off by saying he was really busy etc if and when she asked why she didn't know him.

When she was 12, she had a short phase of wanting to meet him. I did what I could, sent a letter to his parents address, but no response. When chatting about it a few years ago, she said that she realised how loved she is (my whole family have been great) and it doesn't really matter, but she is curious. Maybe she'll take matters into her own hands one day.

What I really want to tell you is enjoy your son, you don't have to share him with anyone and you can bring him up just the way you want to. Have an honest and open relationship, where no topic, including his dad, is out of bounds and everything will be fine.

I understand your frustration, how can he not love your amazing son? I have no answers to that.

Sorry for the long post, I wish you both happiness.

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