Am i crazy for wanting to have a baby on my own?

(15 Posts)
Estimated201 Wed 08-Jun-16 15:49:22

I am early 30's.

I was going through fertility treatment before my marriage broke down last summer.

I had a miscarriage shortly after we separated and didnt know I was pregnant. (21 weeks - hadnt had periods for over a year)

Is it crazy for me to be so desperate to have a child on my own?

I went straight out after the break up and found myself a decent full time job.
Will there ever be a good time?

With my fertility issues, I am scared that waiting for the right partner will leave me with a low possibility of having children in future.

Cally70 Wed 08-Jun-16 20:51:45

I say go for it. Best thing I ever did smile

Pisssssedofff Thu 09-Jun-16 17:35:24

Yes but I understand why you would

HeadDreamer Thu 09-Jun-16 17:38:58

Yes. But I can understand why too. Do you live near your family? And will they be able to help with a lot of childcare? It's really hard work looking after a child without any help. (Which if you have a decent partner is 50% of the parenting). You'll providing all the care on your own while trying to find enough money to support you both. Obviously if you have family who is very keen to help, they can share some of the burden too.

Pisssssedofff Thu 09-Jun-16 18:06:15

Tbh I was married to a prick for 10 years and the day he moved out I barely noticed. If you're struggling later on just get an au pair, I advise all my single friends they are far more useful and less expensive than a husband.

DancingDinosaur Thu 09-Jun-16 18:20:48

I would have done that. As it turned out I became a single parent / sole care giver / bread winner anyway. I'm lucky that I have a reasonably well paid job though. Its very hard work but totally worth it.

LondonStill83 Thu 09-Jun-16 18:25:46

A good friend of mine did this.

She struggles financially but is so happy with her beautiful daughter I don't think she minds!!!

expatinscotland Thu 09-Jun-16 18:29:51

YANBU. Given your fertility issues, I'd not waste time waiting for a partner.

RaeSkywalker Thu 09-Jun-16 18:30:18

You'd be mad to do it without a realistic idea of what it would be like/ measures you would take to cope. So thinking about childcare, finances, accommodation, etc.

There's no reason why you can't- lots of people end up as single parents with no support from the other parent. And being single now doesn't mean you'd be single throughout bringing the child up.

RaeSkywalker Thu 09-Jun-16 18:30:55

^ I am not saying that you are mad to consider it. Don't think that my post made that clear!

KondosSecretJunkRoom Thu 09-Jun-16 18:37:38

What kind of a support network do you have? Do you have any useful family nearby? Yy, I agree that the average aupair is as helpful with the practicalities as the average partner grin but they won't sit and commiserate and/ or rally you when the going gets tough.

I don't think it's the worst idea in the world.

mylovegoesdown Thu 09-Jun-16 18:37:50

I think it depends why you want so desperately to have a child and if you could financially support both of you.

If you're happy with your response to both questions then it's not necessarily a crazy idea.

LaPharisienne Thu 09-Jun-16 19:31:39

I would have thought seriously about having children on my own had DP not been around. I do know women who have done it, either consciously because they hadn't met the right person or because the father wasn't around for whatever reason and they really wanted the baby.

I don't think you're crazy. Is it definitely a baby you want first and foremost? Just in case the family ends up being you and the baby smile (no bad thing of course).

Cally70 Thu 09-Jun-16 19:49:04

I know many, many single mothers by choice and although it can be tough at times, I don't know of anyone who has regretted it.

When you embark on this journey by yourself, you have no expectations of anyone, & therefore cannot be disappointed by anyone. You can't miss what you've never had.

Given your fertility issues, you may not have time on your side. You have the rest of your life to meet a partner (if that's what you want); you don't have the rest of your life to have a family.

RabbitSaysWoof Thu 09-Jun-16 22:07:56

I did it, I'm so glad.
Of course there have been sacrifices, but they don't feel like sacrifices.
I have friends with husbands and partners having harder times with their dc than I have had, it's not a given that raising a child is harder alone.

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