Hi. I am a single mum to 4 children - age 14,12, 8 and 3. I've been on my own for a long time now and I function really well. My children are happy and have everything they need and I'm great at being well organised, getting things done but this is part of the problem. I know I am not depressed and I feel really annoyed with myself for feeling sorry for myself occasionally but I am starting to feel like I have absolutely no quality of life. I don't have any family other than a disabled Mother who I don't have a close relationship with and because of her disabilities and age she is not a source of support. I have a few friendships but I feel like I am a really unreliable friend, as I'm that busy either working (I'm self employed) or running round after the kids I don't often see my friends - I live in a rural area and I simply can't afford to go out so nobody really invites me anymore anyway - but it would cost me £25 in taxis to go to my nearest town, plus the cost of the babysitter and her taxi home then the cost of the night out - Last time I went out, around 18months ago, I spent £75 in total on just having a few glasses of wine in a pub. I genuinely can't afford to do that so I don't go out. I have well and truly given up on the idea of ever forming a relationship again or at least for another 10 years - I can't help but believe that no decent man would want to take on 4 kids - I know people will tell me otherwise but I simply haven't got the time, money or energy to expend on trying to find out. There simply isn't enough of me to go round to let someone else into my life. I spend my weekends running around to 3 lots of football matches and football training and that's it bar doing the laundry and feeding them. So when I'm asked 'Are you doing anything nice this weekend?' - I really don't know how to respond anymore - I don't want people to know how boring and restricting my life is so I don't say much. Now I feel like I am losing my social skills as well as I have less and less interaction with people. This worries me as I used to be confident and outgoing and now I feel I have nothing to contribute to a conversation other than talking about my kids which I won't do. I don't have the lives that people around me have where they go on holidays, nights out, family events and stuff like that; I don't even watch TV as I'm up at 5.30 every morning and in bed at 10 and it's constant CBeebies or LFC TV. It doesn't help that my job involves solitary working from home and the only one thing I do for myself without fail is running which is also a solitary activity but it keeps me sane. Basically, I feel that I am becoming isolated, losing my social skills and a have a poor quality of life compared to the other school mums. However, I'm not desperately unhappy and I wonder if I'm falling into the 'comparison trap' of everyone else's life looks better than mine. But I feel that there is a problem but I don't know what I can to do to change anything - I'm restricted by money (very little spare money at the end of each week) and lack of support - the kids father does not have anything to do with them (and he does not contribute financially bar the £15 per week the CSA assessed him for - he is self employed and alters his finances to suit) and as I said, I have no family so it really is all down to me, I'm struggling to sustain friendships as my life revolves so much around the children and domestic chores and trying to bring enough money in. I've even tried to get an employed job ( which took me well over a year of applications) in the hope that I would benefit from the social side of working in an office environment but the first day I was there I got a call from daughters nursery to say she had chicken pox and could I come and get her - so I was off for 2 weeks then at the end of the 2nd week my youngest son got chicken pox and was off school for 10 days by which time I apologised and told the office job I was resigning from post as all the time I was off I wasn't getting paid and at least if I was self employed I could still work from home with sick kids. It was just embarrassing! Has anyone got any suggestions to overcome the limitations of being a single parent of 4?
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Feeling like I have no quality of life. Any advice on how to improve things?
12 replies
atomic999 · 31/05/2016 12:06
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