Single parent after partner has passed away

(6 Posts)
lyssie29 Sun 01-May-16 08:09:34

Hi, my partner passed away and I'm now a single parent to a 6 month old and a 3 year old. It's only been 2 weeks so I'm still adjusting but baby is waking up all night and my 3 year old doesn't nap anymore and I'm exhausted. I guess I just wanted to ask if it gets easier? I'm so tired all the time but trying to keep the days as normal as possible for my 3 year old.

FanSpamTastic Sun 01-May-16 09:01:29

I am so sorry for your loss. Life must seem very hard right now. Have you spoken to your Health visitor? They sometimes have contacts with groups that can support you? I went through a rough period after dd2 was born and our lovely health visitor arranged for a college student doing her childcare qualification to do a family placement with us. She was an absolute god send and a turning point for me. Just having someone else around during the day took a weight off me and helped me relax a bit. She did a couple of days a week with us - and I really looked forward to those days. She organised activities for the children - I was always there too. I didn't leave her with the kids and go off anywhere as that was not the idea of the placement. She became a family friend and a babysitter for the children. We are still in touch now and my kids are teenagers.

annie1959 Sun 01-May-16 09:22:16

Hello, I've been in the same situation with a 3 year old and 13 month old and I just wanted to say it does get easier. It's difficult and exhausting but it's not impossible and I now have two lovely children in their twenties and a grandchild on the way. I can look back and say I really enjoyed their childhood - I stayed a single parent for 12 years. Organisations like Winston's Wish and Jeremiah's Journey can give emotional support. Give yourself a break when you can - I realised I wasn't going to be able to do everything perfectly (and work full time) quite early on. Grief is hugely draining and you need to allow yourself some down time as part of your routine.

lyssie29 Sun 01-May-16 16:33:29

Thank you. At the moment everything feels like a really bad dream. All I do all day is think about him but I try not to get too upset and wait until bedtime if I need to cry. I'm just so tired all the time and just want to curl up in bed all day but I can't. I hardly get a break from the kids as my 3 year old doesn't really start nursery until September and she's pretty much full on all the time.

HMQcake Sun 01-May-16 20:07:45

Oh you poor thing flowers so sorry to hear that. It must be really tough. I've been a lp for 8 years and it most definitely does get easier. Right now you're dealing with your grief, their grief, and all of the practicalities too. Take it one day at a time and just keep going. Get all the support you can, in RL, here and Samaritans if you need to chat to someone in the middle of the night or whatever. There's a bereavement board on here too and relationships gets busier than lone parents board so you'll get tons of support on there too. Do the minimum you need to do to get through the day and be very kind to yourself.

Mcyorkshire1 Sun 01-May-16 20:23:32

Hi Op. I'm sorry to say that I'm in the same situation following the death of DH almost 2 years ago now. I remember how detached I felt from reality in those first few months. On the one hand you had to continue with normality and routine for the children (mine were 3 and 2 when DH died) and on the other hand life had completely stopped and I couldn't imagine continuing without him. One of the things I found hardest was the silence. People really didn't know what to say or do and so often kept their distance. That was hard, very hard and I felt very alone. People really do want to help but often you need to be specific. I learnt to ask for help eventually...sometimes an hour away from the children was all I needed to recenter and get through another day.

Please be easy on yourself. Try and eat and take care of yourself as well as the children. It does get easier eventually. The children grow and become more independent. These days I can actually cook dinner whilst the children play together and I didn't think that would ever happen! I was offered a series of counselling sessions through a local bereavement charity and the boys are being offered play therapy through school which I think will help in the long term. Please feel free to PM me if you need to chat or need any practical advice x

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