It's probably been asked dozens of times...but ase may I have some advice re access arrangements?

(1 Post)
Hyggeligt Tue 26-Apr-16 22:20:51

HI
My DD is 12, her dad and I separated 2 years ago and divorced November 2014.
SInce then, and up until about a month ago, he has been ok with having contact with her in terms of taking her out for the day or collecting her from school ad taking her to a club etc, but he has tended to rely on being able to look after her here/ use here as a base (I know...) He has always had a reason why he cannot look after her at his or o/n eg he can't afford to feed her (he does work) he doesn't know what to do with her, she doesn't want to spend time with him etc.etc.etc.... However, I am a f/t teacher, with no family nearby and I desperately need time to myself - to work, attend functions and occasionally unwind or I think I could go pop! So, I have facilitated him seeing her with the least conflict/blame directed at me, for an easy life really (not the best approach)
He had a pretty crummy studio flat that she stayed in a few times and hated- she actively asked not to stay there as it was cramped and smelly - neither of us forced her too but she still saw her dad.
He now has a 2 bed flat, about 20-30 mins away and I would like to establish a more robust access arrangement.
I would really appreciate hearing your advice/experience re contact. Is it 'usually' Friday-Sunday every other weekend? And, if so, what happens in between, during the weeks? Should there be an evening each week when they see each other and can I insist that it is not at my home? He is taking every opportunity to be vile to me when he is here and I really can't be doing with it any longer...but on a practical note, having an evening a week where I can go out/attend work functions or parent evenings is really important to me.
She loves spending time with her dad, but is fed up of hearing him complaining all the time + being crappy when he is here, which makes her then not ant to see him or stay with him (can't blame her for that..)

Any help/advice/experiences gratefully received - I thought I had it kind of sussed, but it would seem not!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now