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Lone parents dating guilt

9 replies

tediumdevision · 11/04/2016 20:57

Hi all.
I've just joined. Specifically to with this issue in mind.
I'm a 28 year old single parent. Really really single for a really long time. My son and I have lived alone for 6 years despite me having had one relationship since his dad. I think part of the issue is being a single parent to one child there isn't much a division with space etc for example beds. I've got this really weird guilt complex about not keeping my home solely for the enjoymen of my son and so the idea of a relationship feels wrong. I know it's self deprecating and illogical, I'd love to know if anyone else feels like this. Or maybe I'll be singer forever!!!!

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Waitingfordolly · 11/04/2016 21:16

I'm like this. I think when there's only two of you the bond can be quite intense and bringing another person in feels a bigger thing than perhaps if you had two kids who at least would have each other when you were with someone. My DD is a teenager now and bringing a "strange" man into the house at her age just seems more wrong. I've decided that I will probably remain single or if I have a relationship it being very part time til she's left home.

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tediumdevision · 11/04/2016 21:24

Do you feel like you've missed out? I occasionally see friends in happy relationships or in the first throws and feel a bit miffed but generally I'm pretty ok with it. I just worry paradoxically that being so dedicated is a huge pressure on a child.

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Waitingfordolly · 11/04/2016 21:31

Well I did have a partner for a bit but it was too difficult to manage the rest of my life and find time for him. I do feel I've missed out, but mostly because I'm not with DD's dad rather than not being with someone else if you see what I mean. I think it's too late now for DD to see any partner as any more than "mum's boyfriend" now she's a bit older. I see what you mean about a lot of pressure, I guess I make sure we have lots of friends about so it's not just me and her all the time.

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Waitingfordolly · 11/04/2016 21:34

But I should say this works for me because I have a lot else going on, in theory I think single parents deserve to have a life and dating can be part of that! I'm sure lots of people have done it successfully!

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Waitingfordolly · 11/04/2016 21:34

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tediumdevision · 11/04/2016 21:56

I could have written that Waitingfordolly. It's great to hear I'm not alone. I've also got alot going on and the only think I really miss is adult company in the evenings. I guess I just needed reassuring that I wasn't being a total martyr

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Flowerpower41 · 12/04/2016 07:01

You don't need to be chasing after a bloke to find adult comany. There are other ways to 'have a life' that don't mean getting into a relationship ....

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VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 12/04/2016 07:13

I see men but away from the family home. I've never brought a boyfriend back home yet and if I do he will have to leave before ds gets up!
I'm sure at some point I will introduce a boyfriend but I can't imagine it

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tediumdevision · 12/04/2016 20:43

Flowerpower you're totally right! I think I thought that having anyone in the house that wasn't a partner meant entertaining but of course it doesn't. So now I've questioned it DS and I are off to stay with a friend tomorrow. I know DS would he tally fine with it so this weird guilt is something else. It's that bit I'm struggling with rather than actually being single