Why can’t I grow a “thick skin”?

(8 Posts)
stonechallenge Mon 11-Apr-16 11:50:18

Why can’t I grow a “thick skin”?

Where do I start? Everything bothers me! I mean not for a few minutes, but for weeks it can take me to “get over” something.
An incident happened at the weekend, to the average person I am sure they would just shrug it off and move on with their day.

Basically, I get on the train for an hours journey for a day out with DS 2.5Y, he is normally a nightmare toddler but for once he was well behaved, sat with the iPad, book, we spotted things along the way, admittedly at times over vocal about “trains, Trees, Lights etc.” but he wasn’t whinging, screaming or crying. In my eyes this was a huge success and I suffer with deep anxiety had PND & I am also a lone parent (from day 1).

Unexpectedly, the train gets diverted adding 2hours to our journey (I was about to die inside but we carried on) DS still behaved well although a little bored towards the end and fidgety, so we did counting etc. This random woman behind me then stands up and shouts “I think you’ll find he is telling you he has had enough & wants no more” she was aggressive and basically irritated by my DS.

What did I do? I cried, yes I cried like a child because she had upset me. I felt I was doing a great job of keeping my toddler amused for 3 hours on a train, whilst hoping to not annoy fellow passengers. She continued to keep huffing and tutting.

It’s now Monday & I am still massively bothered by this. To the point I am now scared to get on a train again with him.
Whilst I appreciate kids are not for everyone & I respect that. I wasn’t in a quiet carriage, it was still Easter Holiday’s & it was a Saturday.

How do I learn to grow a thick skin?

Because I am well aware life is going to get tougher

RudeElf Mon 11-Apr-16 12:00:48

I would be upset by that too OP! You are not alone. It sounds like you were doing fantastically and i suspect she was one of those assholes who has to bring someone down when they are doing well. In my head i would have told her to sit down, shut her mouth and mind her business. In reality i probably would have gone bright red and said nothing.

Try to forget about her. She is the one with the problem, not you. Who the hell shouts at someone on the train like that? Even if they do think they are "over parenting" its none of her fucking business. Would she rather you ignored him?

CamembertQueen Mon 11-Apr-16 12:04:14

To be honest, I think your reaction is proportionate. You were in a stressful situation and she was a completely out of order idiot. I think the only way to get over it is to bite the bullet and get on the train again. It is understandable why you are anxious about this, but this is an isolated incident and not everyone is as obnoxious as this woman. Growing a thick skin isn't easy, but you can take steps to distract yourself from thinking about the incident rather than ruminate, this is what I do and it helps!

CamembertQueen Mon 11-Apr-16 12:04:36

To be honest, I think your reaction is proportionate. You were in a stressful situation and she was a completely out of order idiot. I think the only way to get over it is to bite the bullet and get on the train again. It is understandable why you are anxious about this, but this is an isolated incident and not everyone is as obnoxious as this woman. Growing a thick skin isn't easy, but you can take steps to distract yourself from thinking about the incident rather than ruminate, this is what I do and it helps!

stonechallenge Mon 11-Apr-16 12:10:42

Thank you both for your responses smile I feel a smile inside already again.

That's exactly it, had I ignored him & let him scream (which he normally does!) she would probably have threatened me with neglect.

This world can be a tough place a times.

Great support as always, thank you

RudeElf Mon 11-Apr-16 12:29:53

Dont let it put you off being out with him. most people dont even notice you and out of those that do, most wont be arseholes. Yes there will be other incidents because there are some twats about but its no reflection on you. Its them with the problem. You're doing it all right so ignore and hold your head high.

cocochanel21 Mon 11-Apr-16 12:39:36

I think I would have done the same in your situation.

Years ago Dd1 and I were on a train from Glasgow to London going to visit my DB. A elderly lady sitting across asked why my parents had left me on a train in charge of my sister? When I explained she was my dd (I was 17 Dd was 2) she made comments about teenage mother's all the way to London. I was mortified and embarrassed but didn't have the nerve to answer her. It didn't help that dd shouted every 10mins CHOO-CHOO TRAINgrin.

stonechallenge Mon 11-Apr-16 18:27:30

Wonderful support thank you.

Now to get over it.

I'm going to go back on the train on Sat & will update on said journey & people!!

Just wanted to add actually, yes there 100% are some very decent people out there who equally helped with some tricky tube/bus/escalators.

However, sadly that woman (for her) lost my faith in how our children can respect some adults when they behave like brats themselves! sad

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