Honest opinions...how hard (or even easy?!) could this be...warts and all?

(5 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Thu 03-Mar-16 17:34:12

I have other threads and I feel like I start them all the same way!!

28 weeks pregnant, left by partner after 20 week scan, who was with someone else before I was even 23 weeks >_>

We have a toddler together already.

How is motherhood really going to be this time round?!

Last time I had a newborn, he was there through labour and the sleepless nights etc and all the rest of the things that accompany a new baby.

This time I will be alone but also have a 2.5 yr old (when baby is born) to add into the mix?

I have my Mum and my Sister for support but Mum works and Sis has two under two so I don't want to lean on them too much. Both have said it will be hard but I will get through it but what does hard really feel like?!

I'm normally quite an organised and prepared person but I'm feeling like the rug has totally been pulled from under me and looking for hints, tips, advice, tricks, anything that will help me cope as a single Mum with a toddler?

Also does any one have any advice on how to deal with ex-partner when baby is born also? I certainly will not be bending over backwards for him but I do respect this is his daughter as well, should he choose to be around? I just can't get my brain around how visits etc will work as it just seems very awkward (I still love him but hate what has happened to our family!)

Mostly looking for how to focus on dealing with new baby and toddler alone, if anyone can help? =) xx

BlackeyedSusan Thu 03-Mar-16 22:28:07

you will get into the swing of it though mine were older when I split. (2 and 4) (he was incompetant though so never did much without supervision. did not clean eldest teeth for instance while I was cluster feeding as it was too hard)

I guess you will have to muddle through as best you can, it will come good in the end though.

try and prepare yourself meals for the freezer that you can put in the microwave and need nothing added and can be eaten with a spoon with your left hand. if you plan to breastfeed hoard a stash of sports bottles so you can have a drink easily at hand. get an insulated cup otherwise your microwave will work over time. raid the charity shops for baby grows etc so you have an extra supply to ease the need to wash and dry things promptly. you may drown in washing for the first six months year but at least baby will have something dry to wear.

do what you need to do to get through. try to enjoy the journey. they will only be little once.
use cbeebies. feel no guilt.
try to give your toddler time when baby is asleep. dd used to be able to shout bibidown quite insistently when she wanted attention.
try to get toddler into a good sleep routine. (I did gradual withdrawal at this point.) if toddler does not sleep when baby has arrived take both to toddlers room to settle and feed baby while toddler falls asleep.

ex will need to visit the baby little and often to build up a relationship. he can change nappies and feed if you are using formula. and spend time with the toddler as well. if he is competant he can take toddler to the park etc.

MeMySonAndl Thu 03-Mar-16 22:43:43

Ok... It may not be as difficult as you imagine:
1) it is not a PFB, you will be more relaxed around the new baby because you are now a more experienced parent.
2) you may find out, once the shock wears out, that you have far less work to do now that you don't have to take care of the needs of an adult man.
3) rules for the children are more easy to enforce when there is no disagreements between parents, which means you set the rules in your house and enforce them. Much easier to get into a routine.

Being a single parent is not easy, so it is ok to accept as much help as it is genuinely offered. You need to put yourself first, because you are the one that keeps the boat afloat, so take good care of yourself.

It is important that you try to get as much rest as possible, as this puts you in a better position to deal with the setbacks of the day. So if the baby is to have a nap, you do the same, etc.mi found it easier to survive the few first months by ensuring DS was in bed at 7, so I could have my hands free to quickly go through the chores or have some time to myself.

My happiest time was when DS was about 3. I was working long hours and had quite a substantial commuting so I was usually dead tires And ready to go to bed around 7:30 just after putting DS to bed. Which meant I was wide awake by 4 so I had 3 precious hours of me time to do yoga, read, tidy up and get ready, which in turn made the mornings less frazzled and help me to keep on top of things.

YolandiFuckinVisser Thu 03-Mar-16 22:56:00

It's hard work but you will manage. Accept any help offered from friends & family and also your ex. Don't bend over backwards for him of course, but he is their father & it's his responsibility to care for them.

I was single when DD was born, DS was 5 so not exactly a toddler. It wasn't easy, no point pretending it was. It was easier to do it alone than to have some self-centred are in the house who wouldn't help with the chappy stuff even though he was there & perfectly capable.

clashofclanswidow Fri 04-Mar-16 08:25:26

Thank you posters! Never even thought about my meals or laundry increase! Oh dear! xx

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