Bad day & shouted a bit at my toddler.. Feel awful please help :(

[NancyPiecrust]

I was feeling really sad today after a day of a visitor & a play date at someone else's house & their comments really getting to me... Maybe I am being over sensitive as I'm on my period but also feeling a lot of grief today over my ex boyfriend and good friend's death. It was many years ago but I was just reminded of him today & cried a lot whilst my toddler was napping. She has suddenly started having a lot of tantrums the last few days.. Think terrible twos is kicking in as she is 19 months.. Also since she has been staying 1 night a week at her Dad's for the last 4 weeks, she has resumed breastfeeding again when we had previously reduced it to once before bedtime & I thought she was stopping. So I am exhausted. I had my childless friend round (1st of my group of friends to have a baby) who has a blowdry twice a week and was on her way to a training session with a celebrity trainer person and was moaning about how she had no money & it was impossible to save ... 😒 ... Then even though I had made an effort to tidy loads before she came, the first thing she said when walking into my bedroom was 'Wow... You've got A LOT of stuff...!' Then she said it again later.. Like looking around my room going 'really like.. So much stuff babe' ... I was feeling sensitive about it anyway because I hate that my bedroom is always the dumping ground for the washing/hanging place for the washing and there constantly seems to be piles everywhere in various states of processing... And washing basket bulging ... 🙈 so that really pissed me off. Was first time she had seen my new house since I became a single Mum... Then I went over to another mum-friend's house and she is 6 months pregnant with her second baby and was just at home with her lovely architect husband & well behaved toddler.... She started asking me how much DD's Dad was paying for her/us and saying 'oh that's nothing ?! Wow..' I said well he's paying more than most Dad's do... Then asked me about income support or housing benefit etc and how am I coping financially & I said not too bad but not great either I don't have much left over for me & constantly in my overdraft. She was like 'it's crazy like when you're married you don't get any of this support...because I'm married I won't get offered any of this help... Maybe we should get divorced! Haha' ..... Just made me furious !! I was like 'well.. I guess they think the husband can just support you don't they!' Thinking in my head 'your husband is a fucking architect, you own your own business & you own a half a million pound house..' 😡😤 Meanwhile my DD was just crying her eyes out and wailing /whinging/having devastation at dropping an oatcake, clinging to me etc etc. Felt like I should just leave.. Then I was later saying how I found it hard for DD to start staying at her Dad's and being away from her from 5pm Fri to 2.30pm Saturday as she'd never been away from me since birth, was still breastfeeding & I'm a SAHM so we are together everyday. And she laughed and said sarcastically .. "Wow, that is like almost 24 hours .. Oooohh... Hahaha.. Most children are away from their parents all day at nursery anyway ... They don't care...' ... 😡 again furious as he was being so dismissive & I dunno maybe I was just being over sensitive. Anyway we got home and DD was immediately fine at home and happy. Then when I started making her dinner she started freaking as usual even though I had given her some pots and pan to play with & I thought she was happy... She started doing her usual thing of clinging /bashing into/pulling on/hanging onto my legs & screaming (whilst I'm cooking something hot so I'm stressed and afraid she will knock me and make something spill ) also I had all these feelings from the day rising up in me of upset etc... Kept hearing the comments... And just feeling upset at my whole situation & like I wasn't doing well enough for her as she has seemed so unhappy & clingy these last few days.. And then a huge bit of hot oil just spat right in my face and burned me & I almost started crying and she was still screaming and pulling on me & I just lost it and shouted 'Mummy is cooking!!! Go away!!' And like led her by her arm quickly away from the cooker but she tripped a bit and landed on her knees ... Immediately I felt awful and scooped her up and said 'I'm sorry I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted, Mummy's sorry it's ok it's ok' and was hugging her and started crying.... I felt so so terrible. It wasn't her fault I was feeling like that. I then calmly explained to her that it wasn't because of her that I was cross it was because the cooking spat in my face and hurt me and it made me angry & sad so I shouted and I'm very sorry. She was fine & wiped my tears away and pointed at them and said 'dribble!' And then 'mummy sad' and then ate her dinner really nicely & was in the best mood ever for the rest of the evening and we had a lovely time playing and tickling and wrestling etc. I felt so so awful though like the worse Mum in the world & imagine how I must have made her feel & felt sick with myself Has anyone else been there? Is it normal? I very rarely ever shout at her.... Still feel so upset about it.

[Soooosie]

Yes I've been there. My financial/living situation was different but that's totally irrelevant.

They really do pick up on mums feelings. A happy mum often has a happy child. However it's really normal to have difficult times and you can both learn through them. You handled it so well by explaining what the problem was, talking things through, then moving on. Your DD will also have difficult times occasionally (school or friendship etc) and over time she will have developed the skills to communicate and resolve issues.

Can I suggest a few things. Firstly visit the Marie kondo threads for advice about severe decluttering. The less you own, the easier keeping tidy is. Secondly maybe plan to lay low and pamper yourself next period. Bubble baths, walks, uplifting music, comedy films, phone calls to best friends. Thirdly about your friend having the private session with the instructor. Comparison is the thief of joy. Appreciate all you have. Each day nite three things to be thankful for. Lastly please find nicer friends. That architects wife sounds bloody awful. A real tit.

[NancyPiecrust]

Thanks Soooosie... Writing this is making me realise I maybe should not see these two women both in the same day whilst I was on my period haha... Or maybe new friends in general. My other friends would never say shit like that, not sure why I am friends with these two when actually every time we hang out they make me feel drained & shitty. I was feeling SO good this morning as well... Also every time we go to the architect's wife's house my DD has a freak out and doesn't enjoy herself and wants to leave ! It has a weird vibe in their house too... And when we leave she's always fine as soon as we leave. Maybe she can sense this woman makes me feel a bit uneasy.

[NancyPiecrust]

Plus YES to de cluttering... I have been doing loads but still have more to do ! But actually I was looking around the room being like 'it's not THAT bad ?!' It was mostly piles of washing that I had just folded, some hanging up to dry & a bit of a messy desk... Arg. Good motivation to do more de cluttering. The celebrity training session thing was more to illustrate that she obvs had plenty of extra £ to spare but chose to spend it on luxuries like that and blowdrys rather than saving / which is fine but then maybe don't moan to me that you have no money and can't save ?