I dont know what to do anymore

(5 Posts)
anditgoeson Tue 19-Jan-16 21:07:40

Apologies in advance, I'm going to waffle and I'm really tired so may be a bit confusing. Ive only just finished bedtime to two hyper kids after being in work all day and being clocked on the head with a night light!

I could just really do with some help and/or advice.
I'm at the end of my rope.

My ex really messes with my head to the point where I don't want any form of communication with him any more.

If I stopped communications with him it would mean that he wouldn't see the children as currently his access (when he sticks to it) is supervised by me, and I'm scared that me doing that would make him go down the legal route and I might end up having to hand my children over to a man they've hardly seen in 10 months.

Just this week he has contacted me begging to see the children and having a go at me for not letting him see them and denying access! I literally havent heard from him since Christmas!? How do I even respond to that?

He does this periodically, he comes up with something out of blue just to have a go at me. I'm just sick of it. He doesnt swear or rant, hes far too considered for that. He'll talk down to me, almost like scolding me like I'm a teenage babysitter or some kind of 19th century servant. I cant put it into words other than to say its absolutely infuriating.

We have been separated for almost two years. In that time he has been mostly unemployed, homeless, using drugs, on bail, in prison and is now on licence from prison (nice eh). He has paid no child support or contributed anything towards their up keep.

I have never denied contact and in all honesty have lived in hope that one day he will be a decent reliable father who actually helps towards their upbringing financially and practically. I really cant see this happening now and I truly believe its all just to torment me.

What can I do about it is my question? Do I stop contact and contact a solictor? Go to a contact centre or just ignore him and see what happens? I really cant take any more mind games.

Sorry, this is a bit scatty!

itshappenedagain Tue 19-Jan-16 22:45:21

Hi! Didn't want to read and run. You could request mediation, meaning you set out a formal plan of when he sees the children. That way you both know when it's happening in advance. Also give him your email address and block his number that way he can't bombard you with calls! If he goes show record it.
Someone else with experience of this will hopefully he along shortly! smile

anditgoeson Tue 19-Jan-16 23:05:32

I've been looking into that tonight, I have tried to set a routine so that there doesn't need to be any conversation about it but it has failed so mediation does seem a way to go.
My parents have told me to block his number too, I didn't know if that would be allowed. Or rather, I wasn't sure what that would look like if we did go to court. It would definitely help my sanity if he couldnt text me though.
Thank you for not reading and running. smile

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Thu 21-Jan-16 23:29:25

when do you want him to see the children? every other saturday say? email him and let him know the dates you are making the children available. give him an alternative... perhaps a sunday. he can then contact you to arrange it.

Claraoswald36 Sat 23-Jan-16 14:19:58

Stop contact and do nothing. If he contacts you simply send a text/email - so there is a record - asking him to only contact you via a solicitor. I bet he doesn't do it. In the meantime think over what a good contact plan would be. Do not volunteer to supervise yourself. Write a contact proposal that you feel is reasonable based on his character and known risks. Also write a rough record of when contact has taken place and when he has turned up or not etc.
You have a very good position in my opinion.
Also if it did go to court - and I think it might be helpful for you if it did, though children are certainly not viewed as pay per view, family courts take a dim view of non paying fathers - my maintenance magically appeared just before a contact hearing!!
I also suggest in this case you approach social services and tell them what you have posted. Emphasise that you feel your children are at risk so much that you cannot leave them unsupervised with their father. They (I imagine) will advise you cease contact but because your ex is in the system they can find out from the probation service/police a clearer picture of where he's at just now in terms of risky behaviour etc.
Be strong - yanbu in any way. flowers

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