What should i do?

(11 Posts)
Amy212 Sat 02-Jan-16 12:18:38

Hi im a single mum of one, shes 21 months old and she lights up my world, but i am struggling, both finacially and emotionally, my babys dad is sort of involved he sees her for an hour on the odd saturday with me still in the room, he doesnt bother when shes there he only seems interested in talking to me even though he has a girlfriend, i dont really talk to him as im only there for my daughters protection, hes a violent person, drinks a lot and takes drugs and tends to get angry over simple things such as not being on the birth certificate, i just dont feel comfortable with her bwing there on her own as i have a fear that i will never see her again he very rarely pays child maintenence and when he does its only £30, i do still live with my parents but i have to pay my way here, i have a car which i need as it helps me get my daughter around (we dont live near any shops or play parks) and i am angry at my parents because they seem to favour my older brother as he has a well paying job his girlfriend works also

Amy212 Sat 02-Jan-16 12:20:22

And the grandkida are always here so when i ask for help the reply is always no but yes to them and they often wonder why im so grumpy or barely talk to them, sorry i pressed post my mistake

Sunbeam1112 Sat 02-Jan-16 12:29:51

Your being very harsh on your parents. They are providing you amd your daughter with a roof over your heads with, food, water etc. I've been a single paremt living home. I was in no way skint. It would be ten times harder running your own house. Of course you should contribute the costs of your up keep it would be minimal to what you pay for rent,bills etc.

AliceInUnderpants Sat 02-Jan-16 13:05:34

No wonder he's pissed off at not being on the birth certificate. Is he the father? If so, he should be on there. Your daughter deserves to know who her father is, especially since he is still seeing her.
Get onto CMS to sort out maintenance.
If you're unhappy staying at your parents', move out.

Amy212 Sat 02-Jan-16 13:17:29

I had pre arranged with him to go sign the birth certificate and his response was 'go f* yourself' there was a dna test to prove he was the father and he still didnt want added on to it, but now shes almost two i dont know how to go about adding him on to it! I know here in scotland we have up to a year to amend the birth certificate, i have never hidden who her father is i have bent over backwards to get him to be more involved in her life, we have a case with child maintenence and they say he only has to pay £30 so i cant push for more, i appreciate my parents letting us live here, i couldnt afford it if we moved out, i only wanted some support and someone to talk too but people have been so horrible, you dont know anything about whats happened and i didnt want to go into as its really long and complicated i suppose ill just suck it up and get on with it, life eh?

Lurkedforever1 Sat 02-Jan-16 13:21:41

In the nicest possible way you need to wise up and live in the real world. If your parents are charging you more than it would cost you to move out then there's your solution.

Whether they are/ aren't treating you equally when it comes to free childcare is irrelevant to how you physically cope with the demands of being a lone parent. At the end of the day it's your baby.

As to babies dad, it's not your decision if he goes on the birth certificate or not. And if he won't pay maintenance contact csa. Not that csa will definitely make him cough up but worth a chance.

Lots of lone parents bring up children without help from the father, or grandparents and have to finance their own home without the so called father paying a penny. Feeling hard done to whether justified or not and brooding on resentments isn't constructive. The reality is that baby and providing for her is your responsibility and you need to deal with it. I'm not being horrid, just telling you for your own sake and your child.

Only two successful choices as a lone parent. Get on with it or get on with it.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 02-Jan-16 13:28:08

YY get on with it.

It sounds like you have it pretty easy tbh. Try being 19 with 2 under 2 living in a shitty council flat, not driving and zero child maintenance.

If you don't like living at home move out and get a job.

Amy212 Sat 02-Jan-16 13:57:27

I asked him if he could be there to sign it and that was his response, i have also asked him if he would like to be added and he also said no, but now hes going mental because of a descision he made almost 2 years ago! And it is my descision shes my daughter at the end of the day! She knows who her dad is whats a bit of paper to say who he is?

Chillyegg Sat 02-Jan-16 14:02:04

How much do your parents charge you?
How much is your monthly in comings and out goings? If it's cheaper to move out then move out.

Also do you feel maybe your projecting just a wee bit about your brother and his relationship with your parents?

Sunbeam1112 Sat 02-Jan-16 14:14:34

I can't see what your parents are charging would be anymore than what you would pay for rent,council tax,electric,heat and food ontop of the costs of car. I say you've had it fairly easy. We aren't being mean we are being honest! Your parents are good enough to provide those things that your unable to provide your child. Warm a home etc. What else do you expect from them? They aren't babysitters. As for the other grandchild they don't live with them of course they will make an effort thats their right. Your really lucky some girls are totally on their own with the bare minium.As for the ex thats his own fault not going to get his name on the certificate.

Lurkedforever1 Sat 02-Jan-16 14:29:40

I'm not blaming you for the fact he isn't on it, but if he's now changed his mind it is not your decision to say he can't be added. He sounds like a childish twat but that doesn't mean you need to act like a child too and decide you won't allow it. The more irresponsible and immature he is, the more reason you need to ensure your baby has one sensible parent who won't let old grudges cloud their judgement.

Having read your update about the finances, you really shouldn't be feeling short of money. Even if you're on income support etc. Have you ever tried writing down your income and outgoings, and then economising on them to keep track of your money?

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