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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Fathers access rights

83 replies

lolly1988 · 26/08/2015 20:15

Hi there,
I've recently split with DC dad.. He is being a bit of an arse about access, not sure where I stand with it all.. I'm happy for him to see him every Saturday as I work, but it seems that's not enough now, I'm also thinking of relocating to another county where my family are for support and the area seems a lot better for my child. It's only an hour and a half away so nothing major.. Where do I stand with this too? Will I need his permission?
Any information would be great!

OP posts:

Report

Bellemere · 26/08/2015 20:18

How much time does your ex think your child should spend with him? Are you able to come to a compromise? How is he being "an arse"?

You can move away but you would need his agreement to move your child away. An hour and a half is far enough away to limit the sort of relationship that your child will be able to have with their father.

whattodohatethis · 26/08/2015 20:22

1 day a week isn't much, so I can see why he would want more time

RainbowFlutterby · 26/08/2015 20:25

You don't need permission to move 1.5 hrs away.

lolly1988 · 26/08/2015 20:30

He wants 50/50.. DC is 2 next month, I'm happy to for alternate weekends.. But he seems to be not happy with whatever I say. The relocation is for the best interest for my child and me, as the area is much safer, education is better and I will be surrounded by my family for support. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do ????

OP posts:

longdiling · 26/08/2015 20:34

50/50 seems pretty common these days. I was under the impression it was seen as the best thing for the child in most cases. What is your objection to it?

As for the distance, how would you make it work? Are you going to meet him half way for handovers for example?

lolly1988 · 26/08/2015 20:42

Yes I would meet.. What would be 50/50 though? With him being at nursery and progressing to school.. Wouldn't that ruin his routine if he's in another county?

OP posts:

Macadaamia · 26/08/2015 20:46

Yes so maybe rethink moving him? Or he could stay with dad for school and come to you in your new place and spend every other weekend with you?

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 26/08/2015 20:46

I have shared residency with DS dad. This means I live over 50 miles away from my family and recently turned down a great promotion at work as I can't relocate while DS is still at school. But I suck it all up so he can have a decent relationship with his father.

Macadaamia · 26/08/2015 20:46

He could gain a prohibited steps order to prevent his child being moved

Bellemere · 26/08/2015 20:48

Yes, it would, which is why your ex can have a say in whether your child moves with you or stays with him. The relocation has benefits, sure, but as I said before, will have a significant impact on your child's relationship with his father - alternate weekends is not much time at all. That's a major step to take.

Again, how is he being "an arse"?

longdiling · 26/08/2015 20:49

Well that's what you have to work out when you try and rough out how you would do the 50/50. Some do week on week off. My brother has a 4 days one week/3 days the other arrangement which seems to work well. It seems unfair to just dismiss it out of hand without trying to work it out - especially as you're the one who has decided to move. I get that there are benefits to your child in moving but there are also huge benefits to your child in maintaining a strong relationship with BOTH parents.

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 20:50

It's not his right to access. It the child's right to access to both parents. The idea is the starting point is 50/50 then adjusted for circumstances. Circumstances can be anything from breastfeeding domestic abuse, only wantin eow working hours location etc. It's not about the mum having custody and deciding how and when she will permit access.

One day a week us nit very much and wanting 50/50 does not make him an arse. Are you an arse for wanting more than one day a week?

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 20:50

Is not not us nit!

tigerscameatnight · 26/08/2015 20:51

I am a single mother myself but put yourself in his shoes of only seeing your ds once a week for a few hours and how you would feel. Unless he is controlling/abusive surely it's a good sign him being bothered enough with his child to want 50/50?

godsavethequeeeen · 26/08/2015 20:54

is he likely to actually want 50/50 when it comes to the crunch? my ex threw all sorts of things around but when it came to the reality of childcare he decided to no longer have anything to do with them.

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/08/2015 20:58

I'm going to start with your title, parents do not have rights, only responsibilities. Both parents have equal responsibility to work to meet the child's right to a relationship with both parents.
As others have said your Ex could get a prohibited steps order to stop you moving.
I think you need to look at from his side he has gone from sharing a home with his child to seeing them 1/7th of the week. For a 2 year old 6 days is a long time.
Have you considered mediation to help you both discuss it and have an impartial third party.

lolly1988 · 26/08/2015 21:01

Wow I didn't start a thread to be criticised.. Only solely for some advice..

OP posts:

Macadaamia · 26/08/2015 21:03

Also, you seem to want to use him as childcare when you work! How unfair

Fairenuff · 26/08/2015 21:05

I don't think you are being criticised, OP posters are just pointing out that there are lots of things to consider before you move your son away from his dad.

lolly1988 · 26/08/2015 21:06

Actually... I work on a Saturday as my ex wanted him one and one before you make ridiculous comments like that! I've asked for advice on access and it seems like my life is being looked into and judged!

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 26/08/2015 21:09

Advice on access would be, as previous posters have said, either 50/50 or one of you has him every other weeked and one evening in the week. If you can't agree, go to mediation.

Bellemere · 26/08/2015 21:10

With all due respect, we can only comment on what you've written here which currently looks like you're planning on making a move that will negatively affect your son. If that's not the case, perhaps explain further so that we can help?

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CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 26/08/2015 21:12

I'm certainly not judging you lolly.
Does your ex parent well when your son is with him? What is their relationship like?
It's important to try and see this from your sons's perspective, especially as he gets older. What sort of relationship would you like him to have with his dad, as time goes on?

Macadaamia · 26/08/2015 21:13

What's a 'ridiculous comment' op?

StanSmithsChin · 26/08/2015 21:19

Actually lolly I think your the one being an arse not your ex.

You say the move is in your sons best interests well so is a decent relationship with his father. Your ex could rightly go for 50 50 so your best option is to discuss with him EOW, half holidays and alternate Christmas and birthdays. Otherwise he could stop your move and have is son for half the week every week.

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