Why am I unhappy?(2 Posts)
It's my first time on here. I'm so confused about where to go from here, yet I know what I want, about my boyfriend of 15 years. We have a 5 1/2 year old son together and i basically had to give him an ultimatum to have him. He doesn't want to get married, although he did give me a ring years ago and just handed it to me and said here, it's kinda like we're engaged but we're not going to get married - thanks, but that's ok. I know have been unhappy for years but have only just realised it in the past few years or so.
I was 17/18 when we got together and he was my first. I was pressured into this relationship as he fell really hard and fast and was very possessive. Didn't like me going out with my friend, even just round to her house. He was very jealous of her. He'd have a few drinks and cry about how I loved her more than him. He would be drunk and run into middle of roads just for attention. Punch windows etc. I knew it was just an insecurity thing, so I stopped seeing my friend. And then it was just me and him. Anyway things got better once I wasn't going out and years passed. He had no problem with me working. When I had my son, I was obviously over the moon and still am, love my baby more than anything. I've just realised lately that I've never been happy.
I just look at my life (everything apart from my son) and think this is it. I love where I live and since having my boy reconnected with my friend which I am so grateful for.
He doesn't listen when me and my son talk, he's always on the Internet, even when we are doing things as a family.
The years leading up to my son were just full of us going out with friends, friends coming over, a lot of drunk nights and partying, but we were always together. A bit of a blur really. Now everything's different. But I think it's me. He's not challenging enough for me any more. I think I've finally grown out of this relationship and have never felt any passion. I kind of just went along with things. I've always been a shy person who would never say what I felt just I case it would upset him.
I do feel affection for him and he does make me laugh - he really is a good guy, and I don't want to hurt him. This is not his fault in any way. I just feel like I'm living the life he wants, not what I want.
I've started to make some small changes to my life like going to the gym with my sister, and so far I've lost 4st and never had a compliment from him. I go to hug him and he'll put his arm across his chest, give a quick one armed hug and then push me away. Can't remember the last time we kissed. I say I need new trousers/leggings as they don't fit now and all he has to say is you'll have to stop going to the gym then if it's costing. You use too much petrol anyway. But I get the gym for free, so no costs there.
I am a stay at home parent and love looking after my son, and have been looking into training for a carers job. I just want to make my own life now. I've considered leaving, making myself happy. I look at my life and all of the people in it and apart from my one friend and my family, everyone I know is through him. All his friends. It scares me to think of what I might have to do.
Sorry this is so long and if this doesn't make sense. I've just typed as it came into my head. Any advise?
My advice would be to keep making the small changes. If you're attracted to the idea of training for a new job then go for it! Soon enough you'll be able to see more clearly what you need in the bigger picture and how to achieve it. The responsibility for your own happiness lies with you (and you alone) and not with anyone else.
Join the discussion
Please login first.