GUM clinic worries

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

Split with ex 4.5 yrs ago, he cheated. As far as I could see from emails etc it didn't overlap with us being 'intimate'. He swore he never slept with anyone while sleeping with me.

I recently needed a smear & faced that fear with an STI screen for good measure to put the worries behind me that he might have lied to me & given me something. I was preg when we split & all screens during preg were clear, we hadn't slept together after those preg screens & split while I was preg & I've been with no one since.

Today I got a letter from clinic saying attempts to contact me have failed so they've written to tell me to contact clinic ASAP to make appointment with the nurse. ASAP?? Any one had any experience of this, what does it mean?

Obv first thought is a positive result but is that possible if preg screen was clear & there's been NO sexual stuff since. My other worry is HIV takes a while to show, preg screen would've been within 3 months of our last sex so might not have shown? If I have something it's been festering for at least 5 yrs & it'll probably have done permanent damage to me as most do long term & have no symptoms. So scared & got to wait til Monday for any info.

[chocoraisin]

First of all - don't panic, it's always worse in your head. You'll be going to the worst case scenario. You could have had a positive swap for something as simple as thrush or bacterial vaginosis and they would have had to contact you (thrush is super common in pregnancy and can be present without your having the irritation or discharge, which you may not even notice in pregnancy due to all the extra fluids in that area anyway!). Give yourself a break and assume the best, not the worst. How pregnant are you now? Worrying will steal today and not change tomorrow - I know it's hard but try to put it out of your mind. In the meantime, vent the panic here if you need to - then put on a brew and take 10 minutes to calm yourself.

FWIW I was pregnant when I split with my ex and had to do all the tests while pregnant too, it was effin horrible and I was furious, ashamed and scared too. It was one of the most miserable things about breaking up at that time in that way. But it's over now and no lasting harm - but I do know how it feels and I am sending a hug to you to get you through. This too shall pass x

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

Thanks Choc.
I'm not preg. Was 8 month preg when I discovered ex had been cheating but we weren't intimate at that point & hadn't been for last few months of pregnancy.
Spoken to clinic. Positive for chlamydia. DEVASTATED. I've had this for ~5 yrs. Was negative at routine preg screens so nurse reckons I was incubating then as takes 2 wks to show. Five yrs festering to wreck my reproduction system if I was lucky enough to meet someone else who wanted children.
I feel an idiot for not getting tested sooner too. He'd shown what a liar he was with his affair, I don't know why I believed him when he said he'd not overlapped his affair with us in bed.
Feel so sad & angry. But mostly sad.
And I got to go for treatment with my kids in tow as got no one to look after them, just to make things worse.
Gutted.

[Cookiecake]

Oh god that's awful for you. I was very concerned when me and ex broke up but I was tested and fine. You haven't done anything wrong though and I really feel for you having to take kids along. Do you not have a friend you could leave them with at all? Or family? It's tough being a single mum when you have stuff like this to deal with.

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

A friend has agreed to have them for the hr or so I need to go get treated, & asked no questions what's going on, so relieved.
I wish I'd been as on the ball as you Choc. I think I had baby brain after we split for ages & I didn't really think I could have anything as my preg screen was clear, and yet there's been a nag in the back of my mind for past 4ish yrs which I stupidly didn't face up to.
Now what do I do about him? There is no contact with him (he was EA) but I have his mobile number from yrs ago which I know is still in use, ask the clinic to contact him? It's beneficial to the world if he becomes infertile, but not fair on anyone unfortunate enough to be fooled into bed by him.

[Cookiecake]

I would pass the details on to the clinic, like you say he deserves what he gets but not her woman doesn't. I'm so glad your friend is able to have kids for you, saves you having to drag them there too!

you got yourself tested initially which I more thn a lot of people would have done. It's the last thing your worrying about when your having a baby. Hope it all goes ok.

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

Thanks Cookie. I will tell them as long as I can be sure it can't be traced back to me, like if they call him & the area code came up! He hasn't lived around here for years so it'd be a dead giveaway!
I'm trying to be positive, as in my fear since getting the letter was hiv & this is relatively much better news. If it has damaged my ovaries / tubes, it's only an issue if I planned to have more kids which I'd love but time is against me & I am not sure I'll ever be able to trust a man again after what he put me thru. I felt like that before this bombshell, even more now.
I have 2 beautiful healthy children which is more than many, I just suppose it's that worry if I met someone lovely who having his own children was important to then what if I couldn't conceive. I think ivf would be possible but that'd mean finding someone lovable, available, trustworthy... & rich! Oh and who felt the same about me! Gunna focus hard on what I've got in the here & now, my 2 treasures.

[chocoraisin]

I'm glad it's something treatable and you have some support with the kids - bloody horrible but at least now you can deal with it and put it behind you. Sending hugs x how are you feeling about it today? I hope the worst has passed.

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

Thank you. Was given 4 antibiotic meds earlier at clinic, go back in 6 wks to check infection gone as meds 95% successful (i.e. 5% unsuccessful )
for my friend who looked after my children, so glad they weren't there as I had a little weep in with the nurse, still in shock at the whole situation, and angry too, but relieved it wasn't worse news.

[Cookiecake]

I think your emotions are totally understandable, I know that I would be the same. I'm glad that's sort of sorted now and hopefully the antibiotics work well and you can put this horrible experience behind you.