Will the courts be able to do anything

(14 Posts)
Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:03:11

Hi, my ex and I already have a court ordered contact/residency arrangement.
His behaviour towards me continues to be aggressive and threatening , no physical violence, he doesn't have my phone number so no nasty texts or calls however he will email me pages of abuse. He is incredibly bitter and blames me for all his problems. Then demands favours, then is outraged when I refuse.
I want no contact with him outside of what is absolutely necessary, he was very controlling in our relationship and abusive although not physically ( he would however smash my belongs, film me while he was out to check up on me etc).
He has shared residency and lots of time with our children.
I would like that to be reduced, to every other weekend and one evening in the week, currently he has 2 out of 3 weekends (Friday to Sunday) and one evening a week.
Would the court consider reducing contact do you think? I feel like I'm running to them going 'he was mean to me, punish him' but his behaviour isn't normal, this surely can't be good for the children to be around so often?
I'm fully prepared to be told I'm in the wrong, he allegedly hides all this rage and bitterness from the children but who knows.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Fri 03-Jul-15 12:05:40

What's he like when he's round the kids? If he's fine to them, then I don't see that reducing his time with them is necessary.

He sounds like a shit to you though sad

butterflygirl15 Fri 03-Jul-15 12:06:20

I would contact Women's Aid and report his harassment to the police. I can't imagine that any court would award him any more than alternate weekends and one night in the alternate week so I cannot see your suggestion as being unreasonable at all.

Is his current 2 out of 3 weekends ordered by the court because that seems excessive to me?

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:11:23

The contact was agreed in court as I work 2 weekends out of 3 and thought it would be fairer for them to be with him rather than bored while I work. I'm finding it too much though, I know that's selfish.
I don't really know what he's like around the kids, I asked him recently for some of their stuff back that had been left at his house . He managed to turn that into me arguing with him in front of them and spouted on in his emails later how he was a much better parent than me as he wouldn't start and argument in front of them and that one day they'll see what I'm really like (a theme that runs through his emails)

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:11:51

They don't go out anywhere, stay up very late watching films.
He says he has no money and that is all my fault

butterflygirl15 Fri 03-Jul-15 12:27:26

how old are the children? I guess he pays maintenance?

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:30:51

They're 9 and 6, he pays £100 a month
Thanks for the replies, meant say that earlier

CainInThePunting Fri 03-Jul-15 12:38:37

First of all take the abusive emails to the police as it is harassment. It's also evidence of his aggressive nature and so you can say your are concerned this behaviour should not put your children in harms way.
Don't make the mistake of using them to punish your ex though, this will put you on the back foot with the court.
Wanting to spend more time with DCs so having 50:50 contact is a valid reason to apply to the court to change the current arrangement. It's positive that you want more time with them but negative to say you want to reduce his time so choose your words carefully.

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:41:20

So deal with the 2 issues separately? Or bring up his behaviour in court backed up by a police reference number or whatever is needed , to support my request they spend more time with me?
Sorry for all the questions

butterflygirl15 Fri 03-Jul-15 12:42:22

I presume he pays less than maintenance guidelines?

I would agree - show police, maybe GP, Women's Aid and anyone else including a solicitor. If you are worried his bad behaviour is impacting on their happiness then I would certainly see how you can reduce his contact.

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 12:47:52

I think he is only working part time which is why the maintenance is quite low.
His reasoning for working part time was to prepare for taking full 'custody' of the children , initially when he took me to court the 2 times and later when he failed to get what he wanted, it was so he could be ready to have them in case I was 'hit by a bus'. Bizarre.
I should be able to report his abuse online so will give that a go now thank you

CainInThePunting Fri 03-Jul-15 13:27:28

It's a two pronged attack I suppose.
The contact was agreed in court as I work 2 weekends out of 3 and thought it would be fairer for them, I'm finding it too much though
Edited but this is your valid reason to request more time with your children. The court has not given him the full custody he requested but have given him the greater share at your request. You are missing them and it's not working for you. Very reasonable, considered and valid request.

Yes, back it up with the hostilities towards you and concern for your children's welfare whilst he is with them.
At the moment, you cannot prove that they are at risk of harm from him.
To go in trying to reduce contact on that basis could be seen as over-emotional/hysterical/unsubstantiated which makes you look unreasonable.
To be fair, it's about 10 years since I went through this but it always felt like such a strategic game.
Above all else be seen to be Reasonable.

Zame Fri 03-Jul-15 14:24:52

Thank you , you're right of course, it all has to be reasoned and sensible and in the interests of the children above all else
I had hoped not to have to go back to court again but there is no way to reasonably discuss this with him

Starlightbright1 Sat 04-Jul-15 10:16:43

The emails..yes police for harassment this is important to do. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

The contact..You miss them and as you would be at work not sure how you would spend more time than less. You have said nothing about any effect his behaviour is having on them and as he wants custody I would be very careful going to court. You are right it is about the interests of the children and you have posted nothing that suggests it is damaging them.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now