Ex Demanding DS Passport

(12 Posts)
AKP79 Tue 05-May-15 16:35:31

My ex is demanding that I give him DSs passport and I'm really sceptical of his motives for wanting it, so could do with some advice or thoughts.

He has said that he wants to take DS on holiday abroad this year for the first time (he's only just got extended access), which I have agreed to in principle, but have said that I just want us to agree dates and duration first because holiday access hasn't been confirmed yet. At the point of discussing this, a few days ago, we didn't talk about passports. It was purely about agreeing dates before booking anything.

Two days later he demanded that I bring DSs passport and birth certificate to the next handover because he wanted to open a bank account for DS. I said I was happy to bring the birth certificate (I'd checked with lots of banks and none needed a passport as well as) and that as and when he needed the passport number for booking the holiday and the physical passport for going then I would by all means supply it.

My ex went mental at this and got really angry. He then weirdly started talking about the CSA (child maintenance). I reconfirmed what I knew about opening bank accounts and then about the fact he could have the passport when needed and he started saying that the passport was needed to open a trust for DS and then started going on about me not having a clue about accounts and how they work and started talking about the CSA again.

My ex is a compulsive liar, so it's very difficult to trust him on anything. He's rant when I didn't bring the passport let me very suspicious. It's been very obvious to me for a while that he's lying to the Inland Revenue which is why he only has to pay £7 per week for maintenance, but why would this bear any relevance to passports and bank accounts/trusts.

When I spoke to the CSA last year they did tell me to call again in the new financial year because they believed having spoken to my ex that there would be more money coming in, but I just don't understand how this is all relevant!?

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place... do I believe him? Do I not? Am I right to be suspicious?? So confused!...

fuzzywuzzy Tue 05-May-15 16:40:36

I wouldn't give him either the passport or the birth certificate.

Which country is he planning on taking your son to, unless it's signed to The Hague convention I'd point blank refuse.

If contacts only just begun surely he should concentrate on building on that first?

How old is your DS?

LemonYellowSun Tue 05-May-15 16:44:05

Thats ridiculous. Lots of kids wouldnt even have a passport. Birth certificates are the only ID that every child will have.

AKP79 Tue 05-May-15 16:44:12

DS is 3 and contact has been happening but local to me. He's only just started having him overnight and for longer periods at say half term.

Stubbed Tue 05-May-15 16:46:05

Gosh I wouldn't hand over any documents until he starts being more respectful. And then probably not the passport either.

sarascompact Tue 05-May-15 16:55:01

He absolutely does NOT need a child's passport for the purpose of setting up a bank account, building society account, trust account or for corresponding with the CSA. Whatever his motives, they aren't honest and he's a shitty bully to boot.

Under NO circumstances should you give him your child's passport. If he's coming up with excuses for needing it, he probably has dodgy intentions when he receives it. I'd not allow him to be taking my child anywhere out of the country because frankly I wouldn't be convinced that he could be trusted to bring the DC back.

WRT a birth certificate, if he wants one he can apply for and pay for a certified copy. There's no reason why you should be handing the original over.

AKP79 Tue 05-May-15 18:08:07

I did let him have the birth certificate and he did return it. I don't want to give him the passport, but he's threatening to get his solicitor to write to me. He lied about me in court and was believed so I'm now left in a place where I'm very anxious around him and frightened about what his next move will be. He is a bully and he enjoys it. I want to be strong and reasonable at the same time.

FadedRed123 Tue 05-May-15 18:25:27

Have you any grounds to fear your XP is planning to take your DS abroad and not bring him back? If this is the case there is no way you should be agreeing, even in principle, to holiday access, or giving him passport.
As previously poster says, most kids do not even have a passport so not needed for bank account.
A solicitors letter is not legal document that can force you to do anything, but often used as a threat. As your XP is a bully then let him pay for a letter if he wants, it doesn't force you to do anything. And I can't help but wonder what a Solicitor would have to say, there's no law that says you have to give the passport to XP.
Stay strong and keep working at what you know is in your Ds best interests flowers.

Starlightbright1 Tue 05-May-15 19:30:32

Do you know...I think he enjoys playing you...When he threatens you will a sols then just say ok.

don't argue with him. I had to do this with my ex. When is he talking to you ? if it is email or text don't reply to any abusive messages. Phone tell him you will not continue the conversation while he is ranting at you. Let him send you a letter from sols..It will cost him money , time..

I also would not be handing the passport over.

AKP79 Tue 05-May-15 20:05:49

This is the thing, I have no concrete reason to believe he would not return DS but the lies he's fabricated over the last 3-4 years have caused serious distrust. I don't believe he's given me an honest reason as to why he wants the passport and that's worrying too.

starlight - what you've said is exactly what my family have said they believe he enjoys it.

I want to and will ignore the solicitors letter if and when it comes, but I've got myself in a place where I don't believe in myself and because the magistrates believed his lies in court I just think he's always going to get away with everything and twist things to his advantage.

I will stick to my guns on this because I firmly believe im right. Thank you for the support.

Starlightbright1 Tue 05-May-15 22:27:58

Do also remember the law is about making your DD available for contact not bending to what he wants.

I would take a step back and take a look how you can reduce conflict. One big thing I learnt about my Ex was that he was arguing with me because I would of said I didn't put up with his crap however by learning not to engage with it reduced it dramatically. It also meant he had no real motivation to see DS again as he couldn't gain anything from his behaviour.

AKP79 Wed 06-May-15 09:45:03

Thanks again Starlight. Generally things go as ok as they can do after everything that's happened. Conflict only occurs when I wont agree to something he is requesting because I'm not comfortable with it (as in this case) or if I don't feel it is the right thing for DS. As soon as I express my views or challenge anything I get passive aggressive behaviour by text, nasty comments at handover, maintenance cut or letters from a solicitor.

Every time I make a decision or do anything I always try to question whether it's the right decision for DS and whether it's fair. It's exhausting though!

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