When do you feel ready to meet someone else?

[RachelG]

Me and my partner split when DS was a week old, although in fact we'd agreed to split during the pregnancy, but postponed till my maternity leave for convenience. It was very amicable. DS isn't biologically his - we had to have fertility treatment - donor sperm. My partner initially agreed to this, then changed his mind when it was too late. As I say, it's very amicable, we're still friends etc.

Anyway, I'm very happy on my own now. DS is 14 months, and is the light of my life, everything I always wanted. I don't feel that anything is missing from my life, and the thought of having a man around fills me with horror - cooking meals, considering his delicate ego, sharing my attention between man and DS etc. DS is a poor sleeper so I'm knackered, and there's NO WAY I could be bothered to to anything other than SLEEPING in bed!! Also, no man would ever love DS enough, they'd only ever "tolerate" him because they wanted to be woth me surely?

However, I don't think I want to be on my own for ever, and it wouldn't be good for DS in the long run. But when am I likely to be remotely interested in a relationship again? Any experiences anyone?

[AllieBanger]

i don't know, but well done you. You sound a fab and contented mummy I suppose it depends on where you would go to meet people? Do you get to go out much?

[RachelG]

Thanks, I am very contented, and I feel slightly abnormal that I don't want to meet someone! Mind you, my married friends constantly moan about their husbands, which doesn't encourage me.

I practically never go out in the evening - my social life consists of meeting friends (mostly other mums) during the day, going to parks/walks etc - the usual baby stuff.

I'm 39, and I wanted a child for as long as I can remember - I think now I just want to enjoy every second of it without the hassle of a relationship.

But I don't want to end up one of those women who live for their kids and have no life when the kids want to leave home, be independent etc. It's a long time till then though, maybe I'm worrying about nothing. DS has only just started to walk so it'll be a while before he packs a suitcase and moves out!

[AllieBanger]

well just enjoy your time. I'm sure when you're ready you'll know because you will meet someone worthy of you attention

[Judy1234]

My sister who had her children my IVF/donor sperm doesn't want a man. I do. We can't work out why we differ. I suppose it's just people's personalities. What you just wrote could have been written by her.

[nikkie]

I split from my xh 5 years ago(not very amicably at first) and it has took until now to be at al interested in meeting someone butthat interest is very much sporadic (most of the time it feels too much hassle!

[sandydut]

I'm with you Rachel - a toddler is more than enough to keep me occupied at the moment!! When I get to bed it's as much as I can do to read a couple of pages of my book without falling asleep

[DelGirl]

I could have written your post Rachel though I would quite like to meet someone. I had fertility treatment too and have a dd who is 18 mths. My dh died 4 years ago and she is his . So, slightly different situation but you're right, toddlers do take up most of your energy. I'd like to meet someone but don't think i'd cope or have the time for a 'full on' relationship, i'd just like some fun for the time being.

Give it a few months, you may feel like meeting someone but I wouldn't worry about it. You're happy as you are thats the main thing.

[gillybabys]

hi Rachel,
my dd is 2 and half, been single pretty much since she was born.

we are happy together, but its only now that i feel i want a relationship, or at least try,

[Moonpie]

I think it just happens when it happens. A very good friend of mine has had no relationship with her ds's father since he was born. She's had relationships but never anything serious. Then 3 weeks ago she met the one. I truly think that it was just the right person at the right time for both of them. I suspect they'll be engaged by Christmas and married soon after.

I've been single, off and on, since my dd was 2. Had a few relationships, the last one serious, but still didn't involve dd. Harder for me because I'm gay and I don't want dd to unnecessarily be involved with all that until I'm with someone long term. I can keep the two separate quite easily so I do that.

You sound like you are enjoying being a mum so don't worry about it. You're getting out and not being a recluse so there's no reason why it can't happen. It just hasn't happened.

[FionaJT]

I'm in a similar position - my daughter's father never wanted to be involved with her, and I wasn't seriously involved with him and considered myself single anyway!. So being on my own has never felt like a huge wrench, and I do feel like I have more than enough on my plate to deal with. My dd's nearly 2 now, and I'm just beginning to think it might be nice to meet someone one day, but far too much hassle right now. Plus I've just gone back to work part time in an interesting new job, so I just feel my life is pretty full.
Also, I look at the amount of people (my Dad included) who find wonderful new relationships in their 50's & 60's, when the kids are out of the way, and it seems like there's plenty of time for everything.

[hoolagirl]

Hi, I was similar. I found out I was pregnant after I split from ex and he has never even seen DS.
Well I was on my own till just before ds was 1. I was constantly knackered and working, certainly did not have the time, energy or inclination to see a bloke and then BAM! Met the man of my dreams and its been happy ever after!
Still bloody knackered i might add, but with a smile on my face .
I don't really go out much either. I met him at a neighbours house! Total chance meeting!